Great Moments In Women's Soccer That Don't Involve Brandi Chastain

Knockin' Off The Rust Edition

Just a few thoughts...

• I've been struggling of late trying to get a particular rant worded and out of my head. I guess that explains the Chris Rock/Elton John/White Zombie-does-KC & the Sunshine Band trifecta for the last 3 posts. Once I get that cathartic piece out, it's back to the rank mediocrity we here at IKNAB are famous for.
• Speaking of "we here at IKNAB", according to those 2 gadgets over on the right side of this page, we have had visitors from 33 states and 30 countries. Question: What kind of wrong turn is everybody taking to get here? Modesty and my faith in mankind prevents me from thinking the national/international community is wandering by on purpose.
• The Boy Mayor wins!! WooHoo! Thoughts on that surprise coming.
• In the office pool, .500 going into this week. Here's this week's lines. Got suggestions? Comment/email.

Washington Atlanta -10	San Diego New York (N) -4.5	Tennessee San Francisco -4	Dallas Philadelphia -3
Detroit Seattle -10	Arizona Chicago -3	Baltimore Cincinnati +3	Houston Indianapolis -9
Kansas City Jacksonville -6.5	Miami New England -10.5	Green Bay Tampa Bay +10	Carolina New Orleans -4
Pittsburgh Denver +3

Happy Halloween

For your holiday listening pleasure....

From The Mailbag...

From today's mail. First, in the snail mail (breaks into a jaunty little tune)

(Elton John/Bernie Taupin)
You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide
behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing
you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing
better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor,
feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing
after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life
without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

Oh, where was I?

Oh, yeah, never mind. More on that later.

Then, I log into my email and find this in my spam box:

char90percent

If you are not white dont bother if you are not over the age of 35 dont bother,One other thing you MUST have a JOB of some kind I dont need nor do I want a lazy ass mofo. I am very single, I'm 39yrs old or young, I'm here to find the one for me so if your into CHEATING on your wife dont bother me cause i dont want to share the one I'M with. With anyone else I am a one MAN WOMAN. I"ve lived here in Piitsburgh for about 7yrs now, I have no kids, would someday like to have some or at least one. I was Born and Raised In the state of Calif. the city of SAN Diego. If you want to know more just ASK. You can find me in the PA chat room.

If you're an employed, white, over 35 non-lazy unattached mofo, let me know. Have I got a catch for you.

Just Sayin'

Another Baby Step For The Commonwealth

Licenses to sell beer awarded to two Giant Eagle stores: Robinson, South Strabane

This a sure sign that the End Times are upon us. The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board voted, unanimously (that's 3-0 y'all), to approve restaurant liquor license transfers to 2 (count 'em 2) local Giant Eagle stores. Another small step toward the light that is - the 20th century.

Truly remarkable progress for the home of one of the 75 Best People to trust with your puppy.

Giant Eagle has secured the Pittsburgh area's first two licenses to sell beer inside supermarkets — one for its Market District store to open Nov. 5 at the new Settlers Ridge complex in Robinson, and the other for a store in South Strabane.

"We are very eager to start beer sales," Giant Eagle spokesman Rob Borella said yesterday, adding the chain's customers in neighboring states that allow sales in supermarkets like the convenience.

(Ya know Pa, I hear tell them other states sell sliced bread and milk that comes in a jug. Is it true Pa? Is it really true? What did they do with the cow, Pa?)

As we've covered before, this makes our friends at the Philadelphia-based Malt Beverage Distributors Association none too happy.

"We expected that the licenses would be approved, just like the Wegmans and other licenses were," said Mary Lou Hogan, the association's executive director. Beer distributors contend that Pennsylvania's liquor laws don't allow sales of beer in supermarkets, even if it's kept in areas separated from the groceries. The test could come next spring, when the state Supreme Court is expected to consider the group's challenge to Wegmans' licenses.

Peggy Alston, whose family has operated Pike Beverage Outlet for 22 years, expects to lose some business, especially from out-of-state visitors who stay at nearby hotels and are used to buying beer in supermarkets. "What are we going to do about it?" she said, referring to the LCB vote. "It's still in the court, we are still upset, and it's still unfair."

While I understand Ms. Alston's concern with some business from "out-of-state visitors who stay at nearby hotels and are used to buying beer in supermarkets" crowd, I seriously doubt that the 2 six-pack carryout rule will affect her more than the 8 gazillion other bars and restaurants in the Robinson/North Fayette area already have.

("No honey," he said to his out-of-towner-nearby-hotel-stayin wife, "let's not go out to one of those nice bars or restaurants tonight. After all, 8 gazillion is just too many to choose from. Let's just get a pizza and a case of Natty Light and watch HBO tonight.")

While there is no bigger fan of progress and convenience (and yes, BEER) than I, I'm afraid that the biggest point is being missed in this whole debate.

Ready?

Here it comes...

The two-level restaurant at the front of the store will be accessible from a patio, and from inside, the company said.. Everyone buying beer will be carded at four registers inside the restaurant, and food can be ordered. Up to 250 varieties of beer and other malt beverages will be stocked, with a focus on microbrews and premium brands, Borella said.

I think that bears repeating (emphasis added)-

...blah, blah, blah "Up to 250 varieties of beer and other malt beverages will be stocked..."

As I've said before, I seem to spend an ungodly amount of time at my local Iggle. I don't think I've counted 250 varieties of canned vegetables, for crying out loud.

Bottom line: This grocery store is just another reason why the the rest of the world hates us. It's not our Democracy. It's not the 2 SUVs in the our garage. Hell, it's not even that we have used our massive technology to produce a Bacon Cheeseburger on Buttered Krispy Kreme Donuts.

It is the fact that we need a grocery store with a 2 f'ing level restaurant that seats 200 people (all drinking a different beer if they wanna). It is the fact that that we need a grocery store with both a cooking school and 400 different cheeses. But most of all, it is the fact that, in this world where half the people hated Bush and half the people hate Obama, where half the people hate al Qaeda and half the people hate the CIA, where half the people hate the New England Belicheats and the other half hates da Stillers (they do?) , the reason the rest of world hates this great country is that we need, and therefore we have a grocery store featuring (for a limited time only, I'm sure)..... "The Cheese Lady," artist Sarah Kaufmann, who carves the Pittsburgh skyline from a 1,000 lb. block of mammoth Wisconsin Cheddar.

Screw the End Times. I'm going to the store.

Vive le Commonwealth!

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THIS JUST IN......Amelia Earhart: ALIVE!

Take Two Asspern and Shaddup

Excellent piece in yesterday's PG:

Sunday Forum: Suck it up, America

We have become a nation of whining hypochondriacs, and the only way to fix a broken health-care system is for all of us to get a grip, says DR. THOMAS A. DOYLE

It's obvious to me that despite all the furor and rancor, what is being debated in Washington currently is not health-care reform. It's only health-care insurance reform. It addresses the undeniably important issues of who is going to pay and how, but completely misses the point of why.

And

In a single night I had patients come in to our emergency department, most brought by ambulance, for the following complaints: I smoked marijuana and got dizzy; I got stung by a bee and it hurts; I got drunk and have a hangover; I sat out in the sun and got sunburn; I ate Mexican food and threw up; I picked my nose and it bled, but now it stopped; I just had sex and want to know if I'm pregnant.

And

At a time when we have an unprecedented obsession with health (Dr. Oz, "The Doctors," Oprah and a host of daytime talk shows make the smallest issues seem like apocalyptic pandemics) we have substandard national wellness. This is largely because the media focuses on the exotic and the sensational and ignores the mundane.

And

Our society has warped our perception of true risk. We are taught to fear vaccinations, mold, shark attacks, airplanes and breast implants when we really should worry about smoking, drug abuse, obesity, cars and basic hygiene. If you go by pharmaceutical advertisement budgets, our most critical health needs are to have sex and fall asleep. Somehow we have developed an expectation that our health should always be perfect, and if it isn't, there should be a pill to fix it. With every ache and sniffle we run to the doctor or purchase useless quackery such as the dietary supplement Airborne or homeopathic cures (to the tune of tens of billions of dollars a year). We demand unnecessary diagnostic testing, narcotics for bruises and sprains, antibiotics for our viruses (which do absolutely no good). And due to time constraints on physicians, fear of lawsuits and the pressure to keep patients satisfied, we usually get them.

Or

The human body is exquisitely talented at healing. If bodies didn't heal by themselves, we'd be up the creek. Even in an intensive care unit, with our most advanced techniques applied, all we're really doing is optimizing the conditions under which natural healing can occur. We give oxygen and fluids in the right proportions, raise or lower the blood pressure as needed and allow the natural healing mechanisms time to do their work. It's as if you could put your car in the service garage, make sure you give it plenty of gas, oil and brake fluid and that transmission should fix itself in no time.

Dr. Thomas A. Doyle is a specialist in emergency medicine who practices in Sewickley (tomdoy@aol.com). This is an excerpt from a book he is writing called "Suck It Up, America: The Tough Choices Needed for Real Health-Care Reform."

Let me see if I understand this. Is the good doctor suggesting that the health care system is being misused? That changes in our own personal conduct can have a direct effect on our health and, by extension, the cost of health care in this country? That responsibility and common sense can affect change than can never be legislated? Really?

Common sense driven responsibility- what a concept.

WANTED

Burglar Steals 2-Year-Old Cancer Patient’s Donations

What kind of a lowlife douchebag steals money intended for a 2 year old with cancer?

I've known this little boy's father for years and hope and prayers go out to Little Ethan and his family.

If you are interested in making a donation to help Ethan and his family, please go to any PNC branch and donate to the Ethan Loney Fund.

Donations are also accepted at:

Ethan Loney Trust Fund

Dollar Bank

PO Box 765

Pittsburgh, PA 15230-0765

If you have any information about this theft, please contact Crafton PD.

Finally, to the lowlife douchebag: feel free to email me at the link in my profile. Let's get together so I can "enlighten" you as to the error in your ways. Please.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging

Gateway station to shut down for 2 years

Tee hee hee hee

The Gateway Center subway station will close for two years at the end of the month to accommodate construction of the Port Authority's $538.8 million North Shore Connector project.

Heh Heh Heh

Port Authority yesterday also announced that the intersection of Liberty Avenue and Stanwix Street will close Oct. 20 for a year to make way for construction. At the same time, one lane of Penn Avenue will reopen through Stanwix Street. Currently, Penn Avenue is closed to through traffic from Sixth Street to Stanwix.

Ha Ha Ha Ha

The North Shore Connector is a 1.2-mile subway extension through twin tunnels under the Allegheny River to new stations at PNC Park and Heinz Field. It is now scheduled for completion at the end of 2011, when a new, bigger Gateway Center station also will debut.

The authority's original construction plan kept Gateway Center open, but overruns forced several cost-cutting measures, including the decision to close the station to minimize contractor expense.

BWA HA HA HA HA HA

What Would the Chief Say?

From PSAMP

"This is officially the most of Casey we've seen, even without the head and lower body. And I think it's safe to assume that this is more of our massive nose tackle than we've ever hoped to take in. A little too much hip/thigh/groin for me, even though very little of it is shown."

First "Raw"-thlisberger (or do you prefer De-"Ben"-eration X) is on 'rasslin, now this?

The Steeler organization in general, and the Rooney family in particular are clearly much brighter than I when it comes to the whole football business thing, but is this REEEAAAALLLY a good idea?

There are those that worried about the reaction to the WWE appearance after a loss to San Diego. Personally, I'm now worried about what happens should the Black and Gold lose to Detroit.

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In the pool this week:

Dall -8.5, SF -2.5, NE -3, Ind -4, Hou +5.5, Jax +.5

Just askin'-

1. Is anyone comfortable with da Stillers givin' more than 10 to anyone at this point? Even Detroit?

2. If da Raida-s are indeed 16 worse than the New York Football Giants, do you think they could beat the Pirates?

The National Tragedy* Continues

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*Sarcasm : Sarcasm refers to a humor that is at once cutting and bold in both in a mocking fashion. Sarcastic humor would never be described as gentle or endearing, but rather as caustic and bitter, describing situations, persons, or things in a derogatory way in order to be funny. Appropriately, the derivations for this brutal form of wit come from the Latin 'sarcasmus," which stems from the Greek "sarkasmos" and "sarkazein" which means literally "to bite the lips in rage."

A Song for Fredo

WHEW!!!! That was Close!

Ben Roethlisberger celebrates his first touchdown against the Chargers tonight at Heinz Field.(Matt Freed/ Post-Gazette)

Steelers beat Chargers, 38-28

Steelers narrowly avoid late implosion

Avoiding 100 losses a small triumph for Bucs

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And the hits keep coming- 4-2 in the pool this week (who the fuck woke up Jacksonville?). 14-10 on the season. Woo hoo!

NFL Breast Cancer Awareness Sunday

The NFL is proud to support the fight against breast cancer

Throughout October, NFL games will feature players, coaches and referees wearing pink game apparel to raise awareness for the campaign, as well as on-field pink ribbon stencils and special K-balls and pink coins. All apparel worn at games by players and coaches and special K-balls and pink coins will auctioned off at NFL Auction (www.NFLAuction.NFL.com), with proceeds benefitting the American Cancer Society and team charities. This is an issue that has directly touched the lives of so many in the NFL family, and we are committed to helping make a difference in breast-cancer prevention.

Steelers take the NFL's campaign for breast cancer awareness

Shiny, florescent-pink-trimmed football shoes with silver cleats sit in the next locker for his buddy Hines Ward to wear tonight. Similarly toned shoes, most of them completely pink with white or black trim, also will be worn by Steelers teammates Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes, Ryan Clark, Lawrence Timmons, Willie Gay and a host of other players around the National Football League. Many Steelers also will wear pink gloves and wristbands for their 8:20 p.m. game against San Diego in Heinz Field. Ribbon pins and white-and-black Steelers ballcaps with pink-lined bills will be donned by coaches along the home sideline.

And from Steelers.com...

Hope and prayers go out to all those affected by not only breast cancer but all forms of this dreaded disease.

You have to wonder just how much time and money it will take to find a cure. Obviously, it is just a matter of time and money.

Increasingly, however, comes the need to be more and more creative in how you get your cause to the front of the the public's conscience to get your share of the dwindling donation dollar.

Case in point: Along with the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, arguably the most well-known charitable cause is the MDA and its major fundraising effort- the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

Over the years, the Labor Day telethon alone has raised nearly $1.6 Billion but, admit it, when you think of Muscular Dystrophy you think of Jerry Lewis, not necessarily his "kids"

Well known. Hard working. Some would say cultural icon. He's been doing the telethon thing for decades and his contribution cannot be understated. However, the man is in his eighties. What to do when the man cannot carry on the good fight? How do you keep the cause in the public's mind? Advertising. I believe this is where it may be time to think outside the box. Take, for instance, this ad from Rethink Breast Cancer , a Canadian cancer awareness group, to support it's fundraising event- Boobyball.

Or perhaps this ad from the folks at Yoplait:

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The point, sophomoric examples aside, is this: in these days when health and healthcare is on the tip of everyone's mind, it's important to remember your favorite cause year-round, not just on designated "awareness months" or traditional holiday times. And, to that end, some charities need to be more creative in getting the message across to achieve funding in order to defeat these diseases.

I think.

Steeler Football: Troubling, Just Troubling

Troubling, just troubling. Via PSAMP:

• From Mondesi's House: Yes, Ben Roethlisberger Will Host WWE RAW

And for extra theatrics, he will be flanked by his entire offensive line, which will be trying to successfully block someone for the first time this year.

And

One thing I know for sure: I don't even want to think about a world in which they lose to San Diego, hold a 1-3 record, and follow that with a scripted wrestling appearance by a half-dozen of their players. It may get uglier than the G-20 protests in Pittsburgh.

Scary thought, indeed.

I was going to jot something down, earlier this week, to this effect...

"blah, blah, blah... Though I don't necessarily agree with President Savior's policies and politics, I must thank him for one thing- since his arrival on the national political scene, not only has the Rev. Jesse Jackson all but become invisible, but the Rev. Al Sharpton is becoming more and more irrelevant. This seems to be borne out by Sharpton's hosting of WWE RAW. What could possibly better signify comic book irrelevance than hosting RAW blah, blah, blah...."

I had all the facts and figures and comebacks ready for the attacks from the "You Redneck, Racist, Right-Wing Bastard!" crowd, but now with the Roethlisberger announcement, do I tempt the wrath of Stiller Nation by using "Roethlisberger", "(truly)Offensive Line", and "comic book irrelevance" in the same sentence? Well, like they say, I may have been born during the day....., troubling, just troubling.

• Willie "Pink Shoes" Parker- Pink shoes for a good cause, to be sure, but the pink toe inside the shoe is troubling, just troubling. Welcome back, Carey Davis.
• Troy Polamalu- With all due respect, Troy is probably the best safety in the league, but, if missing one player can make as much of a difference to a defending Super Bowl Champion, as it appears Troy's has, methinks something else is afoot. Complacency, anyone? Troubling, just troubling.
• Casey Hampton nekkid- Hey ESPN The Magazine- WTF???? Troub,er, GROSS JUST GROSS.

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For the football pool last week- 5 WINS, 1 LOSS (55% for the season). I'm a genius I tell ya'. Hey Cleveland, you can't find a way to stay within 2 effin' touchdowns????? It's official- you do truly suck.

This week for all you smart bandwagon jumpers....

Hou -9.5, Tenn -3, Dal -3, NO -6.5, NYG -9, Ind -6.5

Come to poppa, golden goose.

G20: Sometimes Cheap Laughs Are The Best

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Pittsburgh Irates
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

• Pittsburgh Irates: NICE
• At 2:23- "Pri-MAHN-tee Brothers HOAGIE?" Damned blasphemer! Rioting in the streets? That calls for a full-out crusade n'at.

And from the So Funny It's Almost Sad file:

I missed this on it's first run but the rerun is hilarious.

Throws her bike at the f'ng cops. I swear good dumbassery never gets old.

What's a Good Summit Without Keanu?

So, it's over huh?

A few thoughts, if I may...

• My prize for best exhibit: Greenpeace.

Subtle, well thought-out, nice execution, most of all- no destruction. I gotta wonder, however, how many folks sitting in traffic wouldn't have liked to have seen ol' Bob Duvall and the boys swoopin' down the Allegheny to help the danglers off the bridge?

When sunlight hit the sign just right, however, you could see the real message (Magnus Patris):

• Nice job keeping the malcontents out of the Downtown area. Pity the city didn't get a chance to showcase the barricades on the storefronts and the pretty banners on the unoccupied spaces. Bigger pity there was a need for so many banners. Nice windfall for the company(s) that came up with all the banners.
• As for the mob/police interaction: Fortunately, I think, it was less than of a problem than expected. After bringing in such a show of force, I think the "mob" underwhelmed law enforcement, initially, causing a certain sense of security and confidence (rightfully so). At the risk of offending all the nouveau-constitutional scholars out there, I think that the early harassment (messing with the food bus, hassling the lawful assemblers, etc), though purely chickenshit moves all, was necessary to set the bar a little higher than usual. Does that bus bus get hassled if it's parked them same way this Thursday, probably not. But it's all part of the game and all involved know how to play. I park my bus to tweak your nose, you cite my bus to punch me in the arm, I complain and bitch in the media,thereby getting the the issue and the ACLU before a judge, to give you a shove, you have the judge "maybe" bend the Constitution a little to shove me back, and it's on. Unfortunately, all the anti-climactic early skirmishes fed into the mess Friday night. If you take a bunch of people, with no intent other than creating chaos, and limit their chaos-making and mix them with a bunch of police, shipped in and dressed for preventing/putting down chaos, and limit their opportunity to use their neat-o toys, a mess is what you get. There is no bigger supporter of the police than I, but you didn't really think all the police and National Guard came from parts unknown just to do the tourist thing, did you?
• As for the rousers of the rabble: Where were you 2 weeks ago? Where will you be next week? Is there a tour schedule? Who do follow around, ala the Deadheads. I'd hate to think you've all gone to your establishment lives and your establishment jobs. You guys really aren't hypocrites roaming the countryside, spending mummsy and daddies corporate-earned money, looking for shit to break, are you? Just askin'.
• Now for the rabble: Please permit me to go into Keeanu Reeves mode for a moment.

As I asked above, where were you 2 weeks ago? Funny, but I didn't see any accounts of protesting in the streets of Oakland in the PG or the Trib or even the Pitt News. No stories of anyone protesting the military-industrial complex by breaking windows at that naval sandwich shop or that colonel's chicken joint. Where was your social conscience then? Surely, it wasn't just that things were getting boring at the O so you thought it would be a good idea to make some mischief. Was it? And then, to get angry when your hand got smacked? Really? And- about that hand- remember back when you was a wee tot and mommy told you not to touch the stove? Remember? No! Hot! How many times did you touch that stove? If your is answer is more than twice, you should return all your student loan money, cuz all that book-learnin' ain't gonna do you no good. The point is this: There's people in town to cause chaos, and the cops are ready. Probably this isn't your fight, due your lack of protesting history (see above). The cops are marching in the streets, the robocop truck is blaring "stay the eff off the streets or bad things might happen", the Pitt Admin is texting "stay the hell in your dorms for it may not be safe outside, youngsters". And, you, our brightest of the bright, our leaders of tomorrow, our hope for the future, TOUCH THE GODDAMNED STOVE!!! And then, naturally, you bitch and whine all over the media and, more naturally, post all over Youtube. Grandma called it a life lesson kids.

All in all, it coulda been alot worse. Nice job, Pittsburgh.

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Nice continuing coverage by Infinonymous. Check out the wrap up here.

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Related personal note:

To the Boy Mayor: As you are aware, since you are no doubt among the literally tens of people that read this little public display of written drivel, I am currently an avid player of the Incarceration!: Home Edition game. From time to time there are away games. The last away game was played to benefit the Esplen section of Pittsburgh (for your benefit, see map here). We were told this was being done in preparation for the G20 Summit. I even got a nifty t-shirt that says so. But the Esplen part of the trip was missed by the whole media. What gives? Esplen is a perfect example of Pittsburgh stepping into the future and way from the past. I'm just sayin'.

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Further personal, though unrelated, note:

This week's picks: clev +13.5, nyg -7, nyj -2.5, ne-4, det +6.5, den +1.5

Last week 3-3, Season 5-7

Please feel free to jump on the gravy train. I don't wanna keep all of this sheer sports genius to myself. Just givin' back. It's what I do.

Random Acts of Depraviosity

Just a little something till I can get my G20 thoughts together...

From Stamford, Connecticut:

Connecticut Karaoke Assault

"According to a police press release, the six arrestees made "derogatory comments about the other female's singing ability (or lack thereof) and then repeatedly punched, kicked and pulled the hair of the victim before leaving the bar." Alcantara, who suffered a chipped tooth and was left with numerous bruises, was treated at a local hospital."

1. Who hasn't wanted to do that? C'mon be honest.
2. Looks like they grow their 19 & 20 year olds pretty thugalicious in ol'Stamford.

Dumbells with dumbells in Costa Mesa, California:

"In an ill-conceived attempt to increase the size of his member, a man placed his penis through the "hole of a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener," according to the Daily Pilot. The fasteners are used to secure weight plates on dumbbell bars."

""They said his comment was, 'This will make me the chief of my tribe,'" Costa Mesa Battalion Chief Scott Broussard told the Pilot."

"They also slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing," Broussard told the Pilot."

Chief of my tribe????

And, finally, from Philly.com:

Animal-cruelty charges dropped against Burlington County cop

"During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation or even irritated that they'd been duped out of a meal."

""If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,' " Judge James J. Morley asked.

"I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," Morgan argued. "It's a crime against nature."

And

"I'm not saying it's OK," Morley said. "This is a legal question for me. It's not a questions of morals. It's not a question of hygiene. It's not a question of how people should conduct themselves."

WTF?

If We Build It...

I was just reading the latest from The Carbolic Smoke Ball (those guys are geniuses):

Pittsburgh Replaces Locals With Cardboard Figures For G-20

and it hit me- why stop at the people? WTF are you talking about you ask? Why, only the solution to the Pittsburgh-getting-destroyed-during-the-G20-Summit problem. Two words.... BLAZING- F'ING- SADDLES!!!

The fake Rock Ridge in Agua Dulce (as opposed to the real Rock Ridge, which was on the Warner Bros. lot in Burbank).

Hope this helps.

Leftovers Edition

Cleanin' up the scraps...

• G20: I can't wait for this all to be over. I'm still not sure why it's coming. " Our time to shine to the rest of the world, we're not all smoky and sooty, our economy turned around from the steel days, blah blah blah blah". Part of me thinks this is so much ado about nothing, kind of a cross between a Grateful Dead tour and the Y2K "it might be a mess!". However, lots of imported police, National Guard, and shiny new gear and training tells me probably not. I certainly hope the Boy Mayor and Dan the Man didn't screw the pooch by not saying "thanks but, no thanks". But, who's gonna pay for this hasn't been answered. The Police Chief in Scott Township certainly had the right idea. Probably best to keep your head down and stay out of town for a while.

• Racists, Competitors or Jerks?: Do you mean to tell me that a tennis player, a politician and an "entertainer" acting rudely in the same month is a signal of the the fall of Western Culture? Paaa-f'ng-leeez! Serena Williams? 2 words- John McEnroe. Two more- Jimmy Connors. 2 more- Ille Nastase. Hey folks, players have been yelling at and berating officials for years. Get a life. Rep. Joe Wilson- you think that was bad? I suggest you spend some time watching the Brits on C-SPAN some time. That was probably an "I'll do it if you do it too" thing. At the last minute, the other kids backed out and Lil' Joey got punk'd. Kanye West- Why all the hand-wringing and overthinking? Why can't it just be he's a boozed-up douchebag and leave it at that?

In other words....

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I went 2-4 in the football pool at work last week. You're welcome to all those who decided to bet the kiddo's college fund. Let's help that mortgage this week. This weeks picks: New Orleans +1/2, Washington -10, San Francisco -1 1/2, Minnesota -10, Tennessee -7, Cleveland +3.

Guaranteed picks. Maybe not winners, but picks just the same.

"So, how are you? Has life been good to you? Are you still in Pgh? So, many questions.... many years to catch up on! "

I received that in my inbox the other day. It came from a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in a looooong time. I guess we're still friends since not even I have managed to find a way to piss someone off on the other side of the country.

Certainly good questions. So I started to think about the answers."How are you? Has life been good to you?"

Let's review....

I guess, at the end of the day, I'm OK. Maybe not as well as you there and probably better than some of you over there. But I'm OK. I've had ups and I've had downs and, luckily, it seems that the ups have outnumbered.

Maybe not as good as I thought it would be or wanted it to be. But still good. Maybe not as good you over there. But, again, probably better than some of you way over there.

For better or worse, I've done most of things I thought I would, and I've done alot of things I never dreamed I would.

Marriage? Check. Divorce (I guess that's part of life)? Check. Marriage(huh? Again? Really?)? Check. Divorce (oh shit)? Check.

Kids? Check. Managed to maintain a healthy relationship with them or foul it up, not unlike your childhood? Jury's still out on that one.

Growing up, I wanted to gain a working knowledge of the inner workings of the legal system, perhaps pursuing it as a career path. Unfortunately, the knowledge I gained involved handcuffs, lawyers and judges.

Somehow, through everything, I've managed to stay gainfully employed (even self-employed for a time). Given the state of the economy, I guess that was an accomplishment. Faint praise.

All that being said, I'm OK. I've learned from every experience, albeit sometimes slowly. I've learned that, for better or worse, I'm an envelope pusher. I have a need to find the edge of the table and I need to see how close to that edge I can get without falling off. It's not right, it's not wrong. It just is.

The bottom line is... I've been a hero and I've been a heel. I've been a star and I've been just a face in the crowd.I have challenged and have been challenged. All in all, I've been human. Life's been OK and...

I'm OK.

How've you been?

Holy Shit It's a WTF Friday

A U.S. Coast Guard boat is seen on the Potomac River in Washington, Friday, Sept. 11, 2009. The Coast Guard was conducting a training exercise in the Potomac River moments before President Barack Obama crossed a nearby bridge for a Sept. 11 commemoration. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

• So, someone in Washington thought it would be a good idea for the Coast Guard to hold training exercises on the Potomac River while President Saviour was at the Pentagon commemorating the 9/11 attacks and a group of victims families gathered less than a mile away to mourn?

WTF?

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs on Friday morning said he was not aware of any heads-up given by the U.S. Coast Guard to the White House about its training exercise in the Potomac River this morning, as President Obama was at the Pentagon commemorating the 9/11 attacks, and he suggested that any panic that resulted from the reporting of the event was the fault of false reports by the media, not law enforcement.

No heads up given? I have to believe that, even if done secretly, the National Danger Alert Color (or whatever they're calling it today) was escalated to some super-secret magenta or maybe a lovely ripe banana yellow on the anniversary of 9/11 and I would hope that the folks responsible for the safety of such a high-value target would've known about some boats with guns on the river, even if they were friendly.

Shortly after 10 am, many media outlets, led by CNN, falsely reported that shots had been fired. As first reported by ABC News' Lisa Stark, flights leaving Reagan National Airport were delayed. CNN later retracted the report. "If anyone was unnecessarily alarmed based on erroneous reporting that denoted shots had been fired, I think everybody is apologetic of that," Gibbs said.

Shots fired at a military, er , I mean law-enforcement training exercise? I'm shocked! And then to have the damned media report it? The nerve!! Sounds to me like someones "oh shit alarm" went off and then the media was shown the error in their ways. God knows no one wants a repeat of the hoopla over Air Force One buzzing Manhattan for a photo-op.

The group Military Families United said in a statement that the "training exercise conducted by the Coast Guard is at the height of irresponsibility. Whomever commissioned this training exercise at the same time and less than a mile away from where the families of the 9/11 victims gathered to mourn should be held accountable. Their actions brought back all of the feelings for victims of 9/11 that they originally experienced 8 years ago today. These families have traveled from all over the country to convene at the Pentagon on this tragic anniversary and this training exercise not only caused unwarranted stress for these families but it was a distraction from the purpose of today."

Nice dream there. All the blame being put on the media sounds alot like so much ass-coverin'.

The White House spokesman said the Commander-in-Chief would not "micromanage" the Coast Guard's decision to hold the exercise, and he chastised the press -- in honor of those who died on 9/11 and the future victims of terrorrism -- telling reporters to tell themselves "We may not get this first, but we may be the first ones to get it right." Asked if 9/11 was an appropriate day for such a training exercise, Gibbs said, "I tend not to question law enforcement trying to keep the nation safe." He said media should "check before reporting" such events, and suggested other training exercises are likely going on right now that we don't know about..."

The Micromanager-in-Chief picks today to loosen up on the reigns and the media messed everything up. And, of course there's training going on that "we" don't know about. That's a good thing. That is, unless by "we" Gibbs means the President and his "team". Then that's a real concern.

• How did I miss this? Rodney King vs the police: round two

The last time Rodney King was beaten up by the police, Los Angeles experienced appalling race riots in which 53 people were killed, more than 2,000 injured, and a billion dollars-worth of damage caused by the city's outraged black community. Seventeen years, a criminal trial and a $3m legal settlement later, King has put himself back in harm's way, agreeing to go toe-to-toe with a notoriously aggressive cop through the colourful medium of celebrity boxing. America's most famous living victim of police brutality last night stepped into a ring with one Simon Aouad, who was thrown out of Philadelphia's police force because, in his own words, he "couldn't follow the rules".

You can't make this shit up. And at only $25 pay-per-view- a bargain at twice the price.

Now 43, King recently appeared in the cable TV shows, Sober House and Dr Drew's Celebrity Rehab, undergoing treatment for the alcoholism that led to his original arrest in 1991. He now claims to have been "clean" for 14 months.

Reality TV will be the end of Western Civilization. And, Rodney, knowing a few alcoholics as I do, I feel comfortable telling you that that ass whuppin' you took in LA had nothing to with alcohol. I'm thinkin' something powdery. Check the video.

Aouad, for his part, decided to fight under the nickname "The Renegade". The 31-year-old achieved fame in 2006 when he was thrown out of the police force for following a "shoot first, ask questions later" policy with regard to an intruder on his property.

A Philly cop that "shoots first..." is a renegade? Mind boggling.

• Looks like ACORN didn't know that home loans can't be used for brothels.
• Police: Male Suspect Raped Wheelchair-Bound Man

While being led into a police cruiser with a sweatshirt over his head, Parks said to reporters: "Find yourself some real crime to deal with."

And finally, something local.....

• Man with shotgun robs golfers on putting green

A man with a shotgun robbed a foursome as they were putting on a Fayette County golf course. State police said the four men were on a green at the Linden Hall course in Tyrone when a man wearing a mask and holding a shotgun approached them from the woods around 4:50 p.m. yesterday.

Masked and a shotgun and casing a golf course? Probably no drugs involved at all.

He ordered the golfers to the ground and told them to empty their pockets. He pushed one of them, sparking a struggle in which the golfer was struck on both sides of the face with the gun. The victim then gave up his money clip with about $80. Police said they later found the suspect, Cade Stevens, 25, of Dawson. He was in jail on $50,000 straight bond.

Obviously young Cade has some issues and macho man decides to take a shotgun-whipping before he gives up the money clip? Dumbass. And $50k straight bond? Holy shit.

UPDATE.... Man who robbed golfers hangs himself in jail

Obviously some issues.

We Will Not Forget

Today's Sermon

Note: The following is reprinted from the Guest Viewpoint column in the The Signal Item (September 10, 2009). It was written by Mark Hammad.

Sadly, we have become a nation of victims

Over the course of this recession, I have become alarmed at a dangerous trend. We have become a nation of victims, quick to elicit sympathy from whoever will lend an ear.

There is no shortage of news reporters and bloggers hunting for the next "victim" and the next scoop.

There seems to be no shortage of victims lately: foreclosure victims, health care victims, and consumers victimized by their own debt.

This is confusing to me, given that America is the wealthiest nation in the world and there seems to be no shortage of opportunity for those willing to work for it.

Relegating ourselves to become a nation of victims flies in the face of the personal independence and entrepreneurial spirit that this country was founded upon.

Our founding fathers had a strong sense of sovereignty, rooted in their belief that individuals should carry themselves with the same independence and freedom.

We all need to practice more personal responsibility and take steps to ensure that we carry our burden and contribute to our communities instead of siphoning from them.

All too often, victims can find comfort in our government and our elected officials, who relish in positioning themselves as champions of the weak.

Our government and our elected officials have listened and delivered, ensuring that we cannot become victims again.

The favored method is the Congressional hearing, guaranteeing our elected officials face time as champions of the new cause.

• Credit card companies charging too much- that's a Congressional hearing.
• Lead in your child's toys- a Congressional hearing.
• Plane stuck on the tarmac for nine hours- a Congressional hearing.

We do not hesitate to give our government the power to act on our behalf in situations like these, failing to realize that as consumers, we hold more power collectively to influence change in these situations than Congress does.

Consumer spending accounts for roughly 70 percent of the American economy, yet we often do not exercise our power to "vote with our pocketbooks."

If you don't like credit card companies charging you fees and interest, don't use their products; if you don't want lead in your children's toys, don't buy from manufacturers that utilize Chinese-made toys.

Our elected officials have found the perfect prescription for our "victims"- government spending. Congress has taken action to "protect" us from foreclosures, global warming, credit card companies, and are now debating protecting our health.

However, this has all come at a cost, and the one thing our elected officials at every level (federal, state, and local) have failed to protect is the taxpayer's checkbook.

Our crushing national debt and annual deficit is almost unfathomable, in the trillions of dollars and climbing. We are always quick to criticize wasteful government spending, but even quicker to feed at the same trough (i.e. Cash for Clunkers), failing to realize that our actions embolden and confirm in the minds of our elected officials that what they are doing is right.

Like any strong prescription, government spending and debt can have dreaded side effects.

We face many challenges today as a nation, and it is clear that there exist no simple solutions to complex problems and that neither Democrats nor Republicans hold the key to solving problems.

Further, it is clear that we cannot sit back and expect our elected officials to hand us a mandate or solution to our problems.

The health care debate is far from over, and no matter which side of the fence you sit on, we must recognize the burdens we are obligated to carry and the burdens we ask others to carry for us.

We need to balance how much responsibility we give to our government and how much responsibility we are willing to bear.

If we fail to live up to our responsibilities, the government will assume them for us, ensuring that they are met.

It is clear that we all need to step up and take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Is it too much to ask of one to live within their means and pay all financial obligations on is bound to?

Is it too much to ask of one to pay for an annual health screening or prescription, or do we demand that our insurance cover these costs?

Perhaps it is fitting that car insurance does not cover gas, oil changes, tires, or any other regular maintenance items. Or perhaps, it's time that we demand a Congressional hearing to mandate that car insurance companies provide for basic maintenance.

It's up to you America.

Amen Brother- IKNAB

Mental Masturbation Edition

Mental Masturbation v: The act of engaging in impractical/nonproductive mental exercise/thinkings/writings through which a practitioner only comforts oneself mentally. Such acts don't lead to any constructive results what so ever in the real world; some might even imagine oneself being transformed into superman, or simply the opposite sex, etc. In short, it's just bs/crap. ( by lionhead May 25, 2007 at Urban Dictionary)

Where did the summer go? Kids are back to school, Steelers are starting, Pens are getting ready, Pirates finishing up (oops, bad example. That coulda been Memorial Day).

I was roaming around my local Iggle the other day (god, seems like I spend a lotta time there) and they had Halloween candy out already! They get earlier every year with these holidays. I guess that means Easter must be right around the corner.

Overheard at the bus stop..."for a hundred bucks you'd think this belt would hold my pants up!"

Because I am a documented sports genius, I'll try to post my weekly picks in the work football pool (just in case you wanna grow that college fund for junior). Week 1 picks:

Cincinnati -4, New England -10 1/2, San Diego -9, Seattle -7.5, Dallas -5.5, Carolina +1

Season record: ( 0-0 ). That's perfect y'all! Or, .500. Either way, I won't see either again this season.

'Nuther Local Boy Makes Good

Kurt Angle arrested on PFA violation, possession of HGH

Pro wrestler Kurt Angle is free on bond following his arrest today on charges that he violated a protection of abuse order obtained by his girlfriend earlier in the morning. Mr. Angle, 40, of Moon, was arrested by township police around 7:50 a.m. in the parking lot of a Giant Eagle Supermarket where his girlfriend, Trenesh Biggers, had taken refuge, according to a police affidavit that supports his arrest.

Uh-oh Kurt! What have you done now?

She told police Mr. Angle, who already had abused her physically, had been stalking her from outside a Starbucks where she was using a computer to send e-mails. She said she was afraid to use her home computer because Mr. Angle lives there, the affidavit said. She called police after she again saw him circling the supermarket parking lot.

Had a PFA issued against you and already violated by 8AM?? Nice work, big guy!

After police were dispatched this morning, an officer pulled over his car on Park Manor and Robinson Town Center Drive. During the traffic stop, Mr. Angle told police he and Ms. Biggers had an altercation last night. He said Moon police removed him from his residence.

Moon police again?

He denied stalking Ms. Biggers, claiming he was looking for a hotel in which to stay since he was barred from his home.

Wasn't stalking. Big misunderstanding. After all, everyone knows hotels are hard to find in the Moon/Airport/Robinson area. Besides, maybe you just needed a Starbucks latte to calm yourself. Yeah, that would explain violatin' a PFA so early in the AM. Wouldn't it?

In addition to the PFA violation, Mr. Angle also was arraigned on charges of harassment, possession of the human growth hormone Hygetropin, and possession of a syringe to use the controlled substance, police said.

Hold your cards we have a bingo!

Police ordered his car, a Cadillac, to be towed from the scene because Mr. Angle's license is suspended in connection with a previous drunken driving arrest.

Hence the Moon PD reference above.

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. At least you didn't go all "Pittsburgh Kid" on her. Then again, Trenesha/Rhaka Khan/Black Barbie/Naomi Banks/Panther Claw could probably kick the Kid's ass anyway. UPDATE: Kurt Angle found not guilty of violating protection order

No Offense Intended, No Apology Offered

At the outset, prayers and sympathies go out to the families affected by the LA Fitness shooting. That said, some thoughts:

1) Interesting work compiled by "DontHassleHoff".

a) 33 round magazine for a Glock bought online from the same company that the Virginia Tech shooter used.

b) Standard perv Google searches.

c) Crazygeorge.com? Really? How crazy is a guy who puts up a site devoted to how crazy he is?

d) Nice youtube vids. Like he’s trying to sell the house. Take a look at the reading material on the coffee table.

e) Looks like he had a future in selling used Saturns- “The paint is bright, shiny red. You will actually get looks from the opposite sex :-) ….” (Smiley face? Really? Douchebag.)

f) Isitnormal.com looks like a fun place.

2) Spot on piece by Tony Norman.

a) “Travis Bickle's rampage at the end of "Taxi Driver" was more about self-redemption and saving Iris than an immersion in violence for its own sake. That's where he and George Sodini part company. Despite a well-paying job and a comfortable home, Mr. Sodini was a whiny nihilist who couldn't be bothered with defining a purpose for his life, even if horribly misguided. If his online diary is to be believed, he wallowed in self-pity because it was the path of least resistance:”

b) “Many of us have even joked about social misfits who we say wouldn't surprise us if they came into work, school or church one day and shot the place up. Obviously, it isn't always the person who mutters in the corner or picks fights who generates newspaper headlines. Sometimes the unassuming systems analyst who just got a raise at a major Downtown law firm will be the culprit.”

3) georgesodini.com I know I've read a more pathetic piece of tripe in my life, I just can't remember when. Not to be picky, but don't they give out dictionaries or teach spellcheck at systems analyst school? And, what's with the text hidden in the source code? I'm sure that there will be those playing the "he-was-crying-out-for attention, poor-man" card. "If she would only be my girlfriend", waaa waaa.

4) Imagine all the free pub for R. Don Steele and the Tetelestai Church.

5) Naturally, a Bill Gates connection.

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BOTTOM LINE - To paraphrase "Dr" Leary, life sucks. Hard. Out loud. Hopefully, part of growing into adulthood involves learning that life isn't all unicorns farting rainbows. So, how does one make it without breaking out the artillery? That's up to you. Pray. Drink. Pills. Pot. Whatever it takes for you to take responsibility for you.

Believe it or not, there are no unique people left. In one form another, everybody has trouble at home. Everybody's job sucks from time to time. And believe it or not, even you don't get laid as much as you'd like. (Proof? Given the choice, I know you'd rather be gettin' hot and sweaty instead of reading this. It's ok. Believe me, typing isn't my first choice right now.)

Here's the thing though- when things have bottomed, why take out a room full of people before whacking yourself? More importantly, why start firing on unarmeds in the dark? Why? You probably would have a more positive effect on the herd by thinning it by one (that's you) rather than taking out productives. Problem is your a coward. I don't know if it's the cause or effect (I don't have enough letters after my name for that answer) but you're a coward.

Next time you get the urge to cash in your chips in a blaze of glory, maybe try to take out someone who's equally armed. In the daylight. Face to face. Maybe thats the answer.... bring back duels.

Or maybe not.

Random Randomness

Russian fans told Welsh whisky will ward off flu Aug 3, 1:31 pm EDT MOSCOW (AP)—Russian soccer fans heading to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifier are urged to take precautions to ward off swine flu: Drink Welsh whiskey

“Welsh whisky is on offer to Russian supporters as a disinfectant,” Alexander Shprygin, head of the national team’s fan club, said Monday. “This will relieve any symptoms.”

Russia’s top doctor advised the country’s citizens to avoid traveling to Britain, but “nothing will stop the Russian fans,” Shprygin said.

Britain’s Health Protection Agency has said the number of new swine flu cases reached 110,000 in the last week of July. Fifty-five swine flu cases have been confirmed in Russia.

Hundreds of Russian fans are expected to travel to Cardiff for the Sept. 9 qualifier. Russia is in second place with 15 points in Group 4 of European qualifying for the World Cup in South Africa next year, a point behind Germany. Wales is fourth with nine points.

The Tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect. Tigers' compelling dynamism, intense activity, independence and curiosity about others make them irresistible, persons of multiple charms; Tigers attract followers and admirers. The Tiger has a regal quality and is courageous, active and self-assured; he makes an excellent leader and protector. Known for determination and charisma, the Tiger aims high and pursues goals with vigor, passion and daring. However liberal-minded Tigers may be, they are rash and resist the authority of others. Although they are selfish in the little things, they are capable of great generosity, even of altruism, in the larger. Tigers are men and women of action, thrust by destiny into the spotlight.

Tigers are fearless creatures in as much as they blind themselves to dangers and impetuously rush in where more cautious individuals would fear to tred. Outspoken in the face of injustice, their strong humanitarian instincts will not allow them to pass by if they see a wrong perpetrated upon another. They have a disdain for security and make a religion of change.

Tigers tend to renounce confining traditional roles, opting for a more unfettered life. With a wide ranging mind, they can adopt any number of careers. Their many experiences serve to enrich their life and add depth to their nature. Material benefits matter little to them. Tigers have an inborn magnetic personality that attracts people to them like bees to honey. Warm-hearted, sociable and friendly, they are characterised by their frank, honest and open approach. Their immense kindness and generosity will always shine through except when crossed or backed into a corner, for then they can become vehement and ferocious.

Solitude is often the price Tigers pay for their position of authority, but they become accustomed to it. Better still, they draw on the experience, gaining new energies and great strength. However, this loner attitude and pride can sometimes prevent the Tiger from seeking other people's assistance when faced with an endeavor that calls for someone else's resources and talents.

Chinese say the life of a Tiger born at night will be less hectic than that of Tigers born after dawn and above all, those born around midday. It will be a stormy life full of dangers, but the Tiger will never be bored. Neither Night Tiger nor Day Tiger will have an easy life. The Western term for a particularly fierce woman is "dragon lady," but the Chinese call her an "old tiger lady." She has many expectations of her partners which can cause difficulties; she wants to dominate relationships because of her independent nature and desire to rule. A female Tiger won't submit willingly to the Confucian ideal of womanhood, which dictates that a daughter obey her father, a wife obey her husband, and an older woman obey her eldest son. For this reason some Chinese avoid having children in the Tiger Year -- for fear of having a daughter.

The lucky Tiger represents the greatest power on earth, and is the emblem of protection for human life. A Tiger in the house minimizes the Three Great Risks -- thieves, fire, and evil spirits. If there are two Tigers in the house, however, one of them has to go!

The Sexy Tiger Tigers make ardent and virile lovers who dominate their partners. Because of their sensuality, their impetuousness and love of adventure, there is an excitement that not only follows Tigers wherever they go, but also guarantees them a certain irrestible sexy allure. These creatures whose emotions are out-front have strong libidos and are lusty in their passions. Generally flirtatious, they are especially prone to wild flings in their early years but do settle down as they get older. When committed to a happy and fulfilling relationship, Tigers make loving and caring partners, warm-hearted and generous. They don't, however, lose that romantic streak nor that exciting ability to surprise.

Encounters with the Horse and the Dragon will be especially interesting. Tigers will feel a definite affinity with the Dog and Boar but should avoid the Rabbit who could be too conservative or weak for him. The Monkey may be one of the worst possible mates for him, competing with him and refusing to compromise. Above all, beware of the Ox, who is stronger than the Tiger and will keep on attacking him until he is destroyed. If there is a Tiger and an Ox under the same roof the Tiger will have to quit before he is annihilated.

March is the month of the Tiger. The time of the Tiger is from 3:00 a.m. to 4:59 a.m.; their direction of orientation is east-northeast. The Tiger's color is green.

I aint sayin', I'm just sayin'

That Whole Falling into the Ocean Thing is Way Overdue

This clip is a little old but I'm pretty sure it still explains what's wrong in California. Why don't I think this young lady is an isolated case? (Perfect pesticide, anyone?) Methinks she's into some farming of her own (it's medicinal ya'know.) Nice touch at 1:20- a little shout out to the East Coast Made-in-China Slave Owners. < I honestly think I'm a little dumber just for hearing this nitwit. My brain hurts. I need a nap.

The Apocalypse is Upon Us

Yesterday, over at Ngewo's Dirty Little Mind, Josh put up a "review" of Ancient Astronauts on the History Channel. I also watched the show and I was, frankly, concerned that perhaps I was watching a different show than he (how did he manage to misinterpret all of the obvious conclusions?):

1. I was worried that maybe he was using all of his big-brained PSU math-skills in an attempt to obfuscate the fact that the Atlanteans knew that limestone is a much better pyramid-ing material than the best plasti-adobe found on Xylon-Gamma 4.
2. I was very troubled that, apparently, the Mayans were "nut jobs" because of depictions of a god pedalling a spaceship.
3. But, I was most taken aback by the fact that my learned associate from the east, he of the trips to the pyramids, the fantasizer of winged goddesses, the one who knows first-hand that no run-of-the-mill deity can save you and and your Yaris from a protective mama bear would quote any "bible" that mentions anyone named Ezekiel or Enoch while completely ignoring the prophet von Däniken.

As I was mulling all this over, and questioning all that I believe because of the use of so-called "facts" to confuse me, it became clear that he must be acting in concert with some deep-cover alien cell waiting for the return of the mother ship. Creating a subterfuge, as it were, to conceal the existence of "visitors". How else to explain this piece of other-worldly goodness I first found in one of his posts and then, subsequently, was emailed to me:

This can only mean one of two things:

1. The end of the world is indeed upon us, or
2. Rick Astley's pedalling on back to town and he's pissed.

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On a totally unrelated note (does best Rod Serling/Twilight Zone impression) submitted for your approval.....

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

The Eighties are Coming! The Eighties are Coming!

It seems the Iggle has taken another step in trying to drag the region kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

Another Pittsburgh-Area Giant Eagle Wants To Sell Beer (WPXI) NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. -- Yet another Pittsburgh-area Giant Eagle is pushing for beer sales at its store in New Kensington. Officials have confirmed that they are attempting to transfer a liquor license from outside the city. A public hearing is scheduled for Aug. 10 in the matter. The Giant Eagle in Allegheny Township has already applied for liquor license transfers. In both cases, beer would be sold inside the store's café, not the regular checkout lines. Other Giant Eagle stores applying for liquor licenses include Pin Township, Robinson Township, West View and Monroeville.

And, of course,

However, some in the alcohol business are already opposing the plan.

Could it be? Soon we can get a sixer with our Isaly's Chipped Ham 'n nat?

Naturally , beer sales will be limited to separate cafe areas, with prepared foods for on-site consumption and limited to 2 six packs to go. But its a start.

Naturally, the old arguments are back (from munhallnewswatch.com):

• "I'd be afraid of the prices because you can go to a little neighborhood bar and get a decent price where Giant Eagle, they're not into it for the neighbors," says Ziggy Zelena of Munhall. "They're into it to make money."

Gotta find out where the Zigster drinks. Sounds like he was probably slumped over an Old German draft and a shot of Imperial. Hey Ziggy- if your bar's managed to stay open without worryin' about making money, they'll be just fine.

• "It will hurt very much," says small business manager Isolina Varrasso of Capri Pizza, which also operates a bar. At Capri Pizza, the sale of six-packs at Giant Eagle will hurt sales but opponents say the best reason for the state ICB to turn down Giant Eagle is greater access for underage purchases."I think it will be very easier for them to buy beer as a younger kid," says Varrassa, "and a lot of kids these days they look way older."

This is the funniest argument. The clerks at Giant Eagle, Sheetz, 7 Eleven, etc. already do more "carding" than most bars. Hell, I was at my local Iggle the other day (god, I spend alot of time there) and a guy got carded for pipe cleaners!

• The Malt Beverage Distributors Association is challenging each license transfer to go before the LCB. Mary Lou Hogan, executive secretary and counsel for the Philadelphia-based distributors association, said grocery chains are stripping away beer sales from neighborhood businesses that only can sell it by the case or keg, without having to follow the same rules such as limits on hours.

I have to wonder just how much case and keg sales would be affected by a place that sells six-packs. Oh, wait a minute, it's happening now! Those places are called BARS. Think about it. How many bars are currently coexisting with distributors now?

• Peggy Alston worries sales will fall at her family’s Pike Beverage Outlet, a distributorship about two miles from Giant Eagle’s Settlers Ridge site. “I’m not allowed to sell flowers or groceries or baked goods for extra income, but Sheetz and then Wegmans and now Giant Eagle can get licenses to sell beer,” she said. “It’s another slap in the face for small businesses, and for the customers it will mean limited choice and service.”

Probably my favorite argument : "... another slap in the face for small business." I have to wonder how many "small businessmen" are so bound by their principles that the stopped eating bread when Jenny Lee closed? Or, stopped buying music when National Record Mart shut down? Hell, Peggy probably has a pantry full of Wal-Mart and Sam's labels herself. Principle is a great thing until hypocrisy is the easier path.

The bottom line is this: Pennsylvania will eventually move into the New Millenium. Those businesses that can adapt will survive those who can't won't. (Sounds kinda survival of the fittest to me). It's called a Market Economy folks.

And being able to have a beer with your pot pie in the Giant Eagle cafe while your spouse does the hunting and gathering for the week isn't gonna lead to the fall of the Commonwealth.

Just make sure you don't have that one too many and you find yourself at home watchin' rasslin with this guy:

(in the) Sacked?

• There's no way I can cover this any better than Macyapper. I don't generally agree with Mr. McIntire on many things, but he's spot on with this. First he's right on Cyril Wecht and now Big Ben? I may have some rethinking to do.
• For some really exciting reading, read the Civil Complaint (pdf) from the PG.
• I do think the Bens enjoyed a little romp in that room. I do think it was consensual. I do think Ms. Executive Casino Host lady is gonna get paid.
• I don't think this was a Bettis-like situation (after all, we're talkin Lake Tahoe, Nevada not LAYtrobe, Yinzervania.). I don't think Ben takes a hit in the eyes of Stiller Nation. I don't this lasts in the media past the day before training camp starts.

But, what do I know?

Today's episode- "Bring on the G20" or "Puttin' on the Ritz"

Today, I got to take part in a community improvement project in the Knoxville neighborhood. I was, as was about 35-40 similarly situated individuals, "invited" to participate by the good folks at the Allegheny County Adult Probation Office because of gross knuckleheadedness on my part from a couple of years ago. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Some observations...

1. This bit of, what they call in judicial parlance, "community service" involved walking the Bausman St., Knox Ave., Brownsville Rd areas picking up debris from the streets. (For the record, I neither live in Knoxville nor is it the community where I committed my acts against the state but that might be a rant for later.) I've gotta say, judging from the butts in the street, Newports are waaaaaay more popular than ashtrays.
2. The locals must have had a great 4th. Plenty of fireworks schrapnel everywhere.
3. Stuff must be cheap in the neighborhood. Examples: bag of ammo found, plenty of not-quite-so empty stamp bags in the street. (Must not be good to the last drop y'all ). To be fair, though, no needles.
4. Plenty of dog lovers around. Lovers of BIG dogs.
5. The piece-of-shit Porsche with the Cali plates and the tree trimmings in the backseat was a nice touch.
6. Residents must be happy about Verizon coming to the city. Lots of satellite dishes on the houses.
7. Apparently, these pickup parties are a monthly happening. The community guy that was there was taking lots of pics to show the community that someone is trying to clean up the area. Couple of more cleanups and the Boy Mayor will be able to bring in the G20 tour. The view from Mt. Washington's gettin' old anyway.
8. More than a few SUVs idling with folks countin' cash. Must be counting confirmation money to take to the bank. Or not.
9. It was nice to hear thank yous from from some of the residents on the porch or driving by. Was it a coincidence that the thank yous came from those with the least amount of debris at there curb? Probably. Conversely, seemed like most of the wary looks and the calls of "don't forget this end of the street" came from those with the most overgrown mini-junkyards.
10. I might have to rethink my postion on what's goin on in Sheraden.

I Ain't Sayin- Talking Heads Greatest Hits Edition

Watch out. You might get what you're after Cool babies. Strange but not a stranger Im an ordinary guy. Burning down the house

Hold tight. Wait till the party's over Hold tight. We're in for nasty weather There has got to be a way. Burning down the house

Burning Down The House -- Talking Heads

It is said that those who play with matches are likely to wet their beds. If that's true, someone in Sheraden must be sleeping soaked. From the PG:

A suspicious fire destroyed a vacant house in Sheraden and damaged an adjacent home early today. The fire, the ninth reported in that neighborhood since last month, was reported at 2:12 a.m. in the 3000 block of Merwyn.

9 FIRES SINCE LAST MONTH??? WTF??? How's the old saying go? Fool me once shame on you, er I mean light one house on fire shame on you, light 9 houses on fire shame on WHO THE FUCK'S IN CHARGE 'ROUND HERE?

I gotta say, first, I don't live in the city and were it not for some shenanigans when I was young, I couldn't find Merwyn Street/Avenue on a globe. Second, I have no rooting interest in the stability of real estate values in Sheraden. That said, 9 fires is mind-boggling and should piss everybody off.

The fire appeared to have started on the back porch of 3014 Merwyn and spread to 3012, Pittsburgh Fire Chief Darryl Jones said. Arson investigators were at the scene this morning. The 3014 address was being renovated and was unoccupied, and five people -- three adults and two children -- escaped unharmed from 3012. No injuries were reported in any of the nine fires, Chief Jones said. "We are going to do the best we can to nip this problem before someone gets hurt," he said.

"...do the best we can..... before someone gets hurt"??? Seriously Chief, ya think? I probably wouldn't play the Powerball anytime soon were I you. Methinks you've just about used up all of your luck.

I ain't sayin.

Speaking of Chief Jones, please to watch this clip (pop quiz to follow)...

1. Does the Chief normally where his Sunday-go-to-Parade clothes to every fire scene, or just the ones where there's a dog & pony show for the media?
2. Housekeeping? Really?
3. "As with most of the fires, I was alerted by a caller" Does Councilwoman Smith see any problem with that statement?
4. "We had a meeting with residents a week ago..." How'd that work out for you?
5. Blockwatch and clean-up is as "aggressive as we can be" ? Really? Huh.

I ain't sayin.

He called the Sheraden fires the public safety department's "top priority."

Seems to me that if a street in Shadyside was undergoing this kind of "Urban Renewal", the Public Safety Department's top priority response wouldn't be watchful neighbors and trash bags.

Maybe what Sheraden needs is it's own camera-totin busybody like the Hoagie. Maybe if he came around trespassing on everyone's property, he might be able to snap a picture of the firebug. Or at least, grab a bag and be useful.

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

Frisky Friday

Meet former University of Tennessee quarterback Jim Bob Cooter. Seems ol' Jim Bob was out late last Friday night and maybe it was nappy time (WBIR.com):

Former UT quarterback Jim Bob Cooter was arrested Friday night, on an aggravated burglary charge. Police found him in a bed. Knoxville Police were called to a home on Franklin Station Way, in the Fort Sanders area. When officers arrived, they heard the caller screaming. They burst into the home, and saw the woman running out of her bedroom, screaming that a burglar was in her room. Inside, they said they found former UT quarterback Jim Bob Cooter in the woman's bed. Officers said Cooter admitted he didn't live there but refused to answer other questions. He's held on $10,000 bond.

Though Cooter didn't want to talk, his cousin Elizabeth was happy to clear up questions on the WBIR.com message board-

ElizabethStout wrote: This has been such a HUGE mistake! Jim Bob is my cousin. "C00ter" is my mother's maiden name. She took some grief over it in college - didn't make her a lesser person, like you people writing these awful comments. Jim Bob is A BRILLIANT guy (ACT score:34 - what'd you make) who chose sports instead of medicine, which he easily could have done instead. He was going to the apartment of a friend where he had stayed a hundred times over the years. He had no idea his friend had sublet the apartment. You people make me sick. Get your facts right. 7/1/2009 8:01 PM EDT on WBIR.com

Sounds like Jim Bob may have climbed through Cousin Lizzie's window a time or two, maybe for a little "let's play doctor". All's well in Hazzard County.

From thesmokinggun.com

Chips And Dip Cops: Prostitute, Frito-Lay worker agreed on exchange of oral treats JUNE 24--Meet Lahoma Sue Smith. The Oklahoma woman, 36, copped a plea last week to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to the below Oklahoma City Police Department report, john Faron Johnson told cops that he informed Smith that he did not have any money, but that she "agreed to give him a 'blow job' meaning oral sex, for a box of chips." Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30. Following her February arrest, Smith, pictured in the mug shot at right, told police that she had a few prior prostitution busts. At her sentencing last week, Smith was ordered to pay a $1142 fine.

First of all, great title from the guys at Smoking Gun. Secondly, this guy gotta be a real charmer to be out cruisin' hookers with no cash. And, wonder if the local Quickie Mart had Frito's Buy One Get One Free- that's 2 fer 1 BJs y'all!!

Smoking Gun again...

In The Driver's Seat Minnesota pair busted after getting busy behind the wheel JULY 2--Responding Tuesday evening to a report of "people having intercourse" in a mall parking lot, cops in Fergus Falls, Minnesota were en route to the crime scene when they noticed suspicious activity in a vehicle traveling towards them. "I noticed that there was a passenger in the vehicle and she appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," Officer Andrew Renner noted in a police report. When cops pulled over the vehicle, driver Matthew Milligan, 22, reeked of booze and his "pants were not on completely." Milligan was charged with drunk driving after he failed a series of field sobriety tests and a Breathalyzer test showed his blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit. Milligan's partner, Nikie Rae Johnson, 21, was also intoxicated, cops reported. But she was only cited for not wearing a seat belt. Which is, of course, understandable considering all that bouncing up and down. Milligan is pictured below in an Otter Tail County Sheriff's Office mug shot. Johnson's photo, snapped in a car, is from an online profile in which her interests are said to include, "Having good times!!PartyIN-Dancing-& just loVin liFe**:)."

For today's Final Jeopardy... the category is "Big Cities in Otter Tail County, Minnesota"

Tuesday nights must rock in Fergus Falls if Andy and Barney were both on duty. Seriously, Fergus Falls has more than 1 cop and a mall? And, too bad these kids weren't in Oklahoma, where apparently you don't need booze to get laid, just Fritos.

Marion to Hawks- 12yrs, $62.8 M

Right Winger Marion Cunningham signed a 12 year, $62.8 million contract with the Chicago Blackhawks today.

Marion left the Penguins for the Detroit Red Wings, after losing to the Red Wings in last year's Stanley Cup finals, because the Wings were the best shot at a championship ring.

After scoring a team-leading 12 playoff goals for Pittsburgh in 2008, Marion was virtually invisible for the Red Wings this year, against those same Penguins, in their 4-3 series loss to Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup finals.

(er, what? That's Marian Hossa not Marion Cunningham? Both played about the same, right?)

Pretty sure you don't know this...

11 years ago tonight I was ready to make the biggest mistake of my life. Then, I looked down at the newborn in my arms and a light went on in my head.... "What the hell was I thinking?"

Lucky for me I was allowed to live in that light for the next 9 years. And then I helped cause changes that will affect forever.

Unfortunately, I don't get to see you two as much as I would like and hopefully that changes soon. Until then, remember I'm always nearby- all you have to do ask.

Love you honey. Dad

RIP- Part Deux

Pop Legend Michael Jackson Dead at 50

Michael Jackson (insert favorite joke here) and (here) and (here).

Michael Jackson. Icon. Superstar. King of Pop.

The youngters don't believe it when I tell 'em I'm old enough to remember Michael when he was a young, black, male.

Bad day for pop stars today.

Git Yer Red Hots Here!!

Curious story in the PG today- Strip District company pleads no contest to selling bad meat

A Strip District company that sold spoiled hot dogs, sausage and bacon to a Washington County discount grocer appeared in federal court yesterday. Thomas Goslin, the owner of American Dispatch Inc., entered a no-contest plea to selling the spoiled meat in September 2005.

According to Assistant U.S. Attorney Shaun Sweeney, Mr. Goslin contacted the president of Groceries Plus More, a discount grocer in McDonald, on Sept. 28, 2005. He offered the store four pallets of what he called "overage," saying that he needed more space in his cooler, Mr. Sweeney said. The store agreed to buy the products, which were out of date and out of code, for $600.

As I've said before, I seem to spend an exorbitant amount of time in grocery stores, usually my local Iggle. Over time, I have gathered a little bit of knowledge hangin' out there. Here's a little bit of the little bit:

• At the time, Groceries Plus More was small store in a small strip center in the small boro of McDonald. They specialized in selling mostly "salvage" merchandise. Salvage meaning product damaged in shipment, out of date product from larger grocers, discontinued product, etc. This means product selection could change from day to day and week to week. On any given trip there you would find Giant Eagle label next to Shop 'n Save label next to Foodland label etc.
• I would stop in there because, at the time, it was the only place to get Campbells Nacho Cheese Soup in the area (except for Take-Over-the-World Mart). For the record, a can of this soup (microwaved)+chips+sliced jalapenos=a decent plate of nachos in 3 minutes.
• Like all the other cans in the place, you had to be careful to pickup the not-so-dented cans.
• At the same time, there were shelves and shelves of juice in the "dairy" case sometimes 3-4 months out of date.

The 2,814 pounds of meat included 97 cases of Hillshire/Kahns Big Franks, 19 cases of Hebrew National Beef Hot Dogs, 28 cases of Wellshire thick rub pork bacon and three cases of Humbolt pork sausage.

• 2800 lbs of meat for $600!!! What a deal! Who could pass THAT up? Suchadeal!
• From the USDA: Is Dating Required by Federal Law?Except for infant formula and some baby food (see below), product dating is not generally required by Federal regulations.

Mr. Goslin told investigators part of the order had been rejected two years earlier and had been in his cooler since that time. " 'I knew the products were old, but the boxes looked good,' " Mr. Sweeney quoted Mr. Goslin in a written statement. " 'I did not look at the product before I sold it to see if it was fit and wholesome for human consumption, but I know that if I kept a package of hot dogs in my refrigerator for over a year, I would not feed them to my family.'

• Rejected 2 F'ING YEARS earlier??!!
• Guess we know he didn't shop there.

After the owner of Groceries Plus More complained to Mr. Goslin about the spoiled meat -- describing it as discolored and milky -- he refunded the company's money, Mr. Sweeney said.

• Nice to see the owner made what appears to be a seamless transition from Rocket Scientist to grocer. Seriously, Einstein, 2+ year old meat discolored and milky?

"In our 28 years, this is our first ... incident," Mr. Goslin told Judge Cercone. And.. "The company needs to get behind it," Mr. Goslin told the judge, in explaining why he wanted to enter the plea. "There's no defense for this."

• Without getting all Econ 101, let's just say that the area served by that store wasn't any better off then than it is today. It is also served by a struggling Iggle. So I understand the "need".
• All that being said, seems to me stores ought to be held to some sort of standard. At my local Iggle, I've heard people rant, rave, bitch and do everything short of calling the cops when something is 20 minutes out of date.

Too late to prove now, but wonder how many people got sick, back in '05, by stuff that didn't get caught. Where's the actions against the store owner?

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

RIP

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Farrah Fawcett, the "Charlie's Angels" star whose feathered blond hair and dazzling smile made her one of the biggest sex symbols of the 1970s, died Thursday after battling cancer. She was 62. The pop icon, who in the 1980s set aside the fantasy girl image to tackle serious roles, died shortly before 9:30 a.m. in a Santa Monica hospital, spokesman Paul Bloch said. Ryan O'Neal, the longtime companion who had reunited with Fawcett as she fought anal cancer, was at her side, along with close friend Alana Stewart, Bloch said.

Never heard of that type of cancer, but it does sound particularly nasty (is there any other kind?).

Her face helped sell T-shirts, lunch boxes, shampoo, wigs and even a novelty plumbing device called Farrah's faucet. Her flowing blond hair, pearly white smile and trim, shapely body made her a favorite with male viewers in particular. A poster of her in a dampened red swimsuit sold millions of copies and became a ubiquitous wall decoration in teenagers' rooms.

How many pubescent horn-dogs had that one over the bed?

Today's WTF

Note: Apologies go out to those who have stopped by to be witness to this public display of attempted humor and self-embarassment I like to call IKNAB. If you have been here over the last few days (and why are you back? Didn't test real well in school, eh brighteyes?) you have noticed that it was difficult (hell, damned impossible) to open most of the links. Apparently you need more than 10 fingers and a keyboard to pull this whole posting thing off. (F'ing cut and paste!). Hopefully things are fixed now and are running as near to mediocre as possible.

From the San Antonio Express-News...

Ready?....

Wait for it...

Here it Comes...

Ta Da!!

Texas strip club sues 14-year-old exotic dancer

A strip club that hired a 14-year-old as an exotic dancer is now suing the girl, saying the seventh-grader swindled them into breaking state law. The San Antonio teen allegedly exposed her breasts while working at Cheetah Club in Corpus Christi, a violation of state law.

Who da thunk it? A 14 year old stripper that doesn't know she can't expose her breasts? Damned 7th grade swindlers!

Alan Yaffe, the club’s attorney, said the club didn’t know the girl was a minor. “She came (into the club) with 6-inch stiletto heels and a miniskirt and looked just like a model from a Miss America’s contest,” Yaffe said.

Nuthin says Miss America like 6" stilettos and a Hannah Montana Skirt.

Police say Leslie Campbell, 48, kidnapped the teenager in San Antonio in March, took her to Corpus Christi, sexually assaulted her over the course of a week, gave her a false identification card and forced her to strip at the club. Police say the girl, who has not been identified, escaped from Campbell’s home and has been reunited with her parents in San Antonio. Campbell was arrested and remains in Nueces County Jail on charges of aggravated sexual assault and aggravated kidnapping.

Nothing funny about that. If he's guilty (innocent til proven ya know), then a state prison in Texas is just the place for him.

The suit seeks unspecified damages from Campbell, the girl and her parents, as well as a declaration from a judge that it did not intend to hire a minor. “We’re the victims here,” Yaffe said.

Can't agree more there Mr. Lawyer-man. The kid shoulda known better than to go and get herself all kidnapped. Parents should have brought her up better. And what about the parents? What were they thinking? I'm no lawyer, but it seems to that the parents should have had a reasonable expectation that something like this would happen if they had children. Damned irresponsible, that's what they are!

Authorities also arrested Jeffery Shawn Martinez, a manager at the club, on charges of employment harmful to a minor and sexual performance of a child. He was released on bail. Martinez’s attorney, Fred Jimenez, said his client is not guilty. “The minor walked in there with a fake ID and presented herself to be 22 years old,” Jimenez said. “She looks very mature.”

Texas must be proud of these lawyers. And, please, don't be so hard on Jeffery. I'm sure the lights were low at the job interview. And she did present herself to be 22. And she does look mature. And , Jeffery, I'm sure she kept the crayons in the lines on the ID. No way you coulda known.

Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission Sgt. John Mann disagreed. “I’ve seen this young lady’s picture, and I assure you she is a 14-year-old seventh-grader,” Mann said. “I personally think any reasonable and prudent person could tell you that is an underage girl.” Mann said he expects his agency to take legal action against the club.

Obviously, the reasonable and prudent folks in Texas are doing something other than managin' or lawyerin' in their strip clubs.

Todays History Lesson

Fans wait to get into the calamitous ZZ Top/Aerosmith concert at Three Rivers Stadium on June 12, 1976-PG

JUNE 12, 1976...

Three Rivers Stadium...Beer...Cattle...Beer...Rattlesnakes...Beer...Beer

ZZ TOP...AEROSMITH

$8.75 a Seat!!!

54,000 paid...250 injured...2 dead

PAAARTY!!!

Nice walk down memory lane by PG's Scott Mervis

• The calamities were Texas-sized. The front page headline the next day in The Pittsburgh Press was "250 Fans Injured at Rock Concert," many of them cut by broken glass "when bottle-throwing erupted." The medic on the scene treated people for eye lacerations, drug overdoses, a broken nose and a broken pelvis. A pregnant woman suffered severe burns on her leg when a cherry bomb landed on her lap. At one point, fans rushed a dugout to get on the field, hitting one security guard with a bottle and trampling the other.
• "[It] was the most horrible thing I have ever seen since World War II," Dr. Joseph Finegold, the Pittsburgh Pirates physician, told the paper.
• Two days later came a more ominous front-page headline: "Two Dead in Concert Aftermath." Hundreds of people had been swimming in the rivers before and after the concert, and the morning after, the body of a nude woman, an unemployed school teacher, was found in the Ohio River near Clemente Park.
• "They were all hopped up on dope and booze and running around exposing themselves. When they had to relieve themselves, they just did it in the lot. They didn't care who was watching."
• Still, five days later, Mayor Pete Flaherty laid down the law. If there were going to be any more rock concerts at the stadium, he said, they had to be seven hours max, the gates had to open earlier, there had to be more portable toilets, and drunks and druggies weren't getting in.

To review boys and girls- 54,000 hopped up drunks rioting and exposing themselves to a great soundtrack, all for the price of a gameday beer. And not 1 report of someone bustin a cap.

Oh, and seriously dude, "[It] was the most horrible thing I have ever seen since World War II,"?? Good thing you haven't been around PNC for the carnage the last 16 years.

Well, another Fathers Day is in the books.

Traditionally, this "holiday" is spent walking a leisurely 18 holes with dad, followed by a few cold ones and t-bones on the grill. For you, I hope tradition reigned.

For me, for the last 20+ years at least, Fathers Day has always been a time of reflection. Some years more, some less, but reflection all the same.

Let it suffice to say that in my nearly half-century on the planet, I've done a lot of things that I'm not necessarily proud of. I make no excuses and I do have plenty of amends to make. Hence, the reflections.

It is said you reap what you sow. I'm not known as a prolific green thumb, but I have planted 3 crops. I gave up the first seedling, and hear it has grown strong and is thriving. I have met with mixed success with the other two this Fathers Day. I do what I can, but, unfortunately, there's alot of others helping out with the feeding and fertilizing. Sometimes all we can do is keep trying and nurturing and hope that eventually they both will flower also.

To all the other forgotten planter/dads out there: all we can do is to keep trying and hope tomorrow brings more sunshine than rain.

Top of the Food Chain Edition

So it's one of my usual jumpin' Saturday nights. I'm wandering around online with the Pirate game on for background noise, Rockies 9-7 but I kinda like the McCutchen kid, and I made a stop at asathecomic's spot on youtube. Asa's a comic from Minneapolis and puts up alot of funny stuff. Admittedly, I don't quite get all the shots he takes at rappers/hip-hoppers in his spoof vids (I'm not quite the demographic) but it's funny nonetheless. Anyway, I clicked on this clip: Not sure that it's 41/2 stars funny, but whatever. In case you missed it, President Savior went all ninja on a fly during a recent interview: Reading PETA in the title of that clip reminded me that they issued a release condemning the senseless slaughter of this creature. Now, if you made it all the way down to the Obama portion of that link, you're probably thinking what I am, to wit:

• I don't know who Banksy is, but he seems like a douchebag.
• What the phuck is a Sea Kitten and is it really a phriend?
• Guevara's grandaughter got me hankerin' fer some carrots.

and...

• Seriously... what the f*&k is wrong with "comedian" Andy Dick??

Andy is a comedian/actor struggling to maintain D-List status. I've seen him and thought he was kinda funny in shows like Newsradio and The Andy Dick Show. Now you can find him mainly on the celebrity roasts on Comedy Central acting like a complete douchenozzle. I mean Courtney Love looks at him and says "Dude you're fucked up!"

Anyway, at :46 into the clip, a seemingly articulate and intelligent woman starts talking about how PETA isn't trying to get everyone to go vegetarian but they just want McDonald's to "consciously" slaughter chickens in a more humane way. Maybe she's right. I guess being scalded, debeaked, or defeathered alive would suck. I guess there probably is a better way to kill the poor chickens. Maybe we could drive them to suicide by making them sit through an Andy Dick Film Festival. Maybe we could have them buzz the President during his interviews. Whatever it takes. But, just when she just about has me, Miss PETA starts yapping about how we shouldn't treat the chickens like we're superior (cuz we're not) and how we're here to co-exist. Whaat?? Listen folks, don't think for a minute that, if given the chance, you wouldn't find your nuggets covered in dipping sauce in the hands of some chicken. Arnold Ziffell slathering you up with KC Masterpiece. Some bovine Bobby Flay whipping up a batch of Sloppy Joes, or Marks, or Petes.

Were it not for opposing thumbs to yank the food chain, Miss Peta lady, Hooters would be much different place.

WTF Friday

• 2 "Japanese" men in their late 50's are stopped on a train between Italy & Switzerland with $134 billion in US Treasury bills. A total of 259 pieces of paper. Officials: "Probably counterfeit, damned Mafia!" And for the conspiracy folks out there...
• In Denver, a clerk at a Mickey D's drive-thru says one of Denver's boys in blue pulled a gun when he thought his order was taking too long. Better watch out pizza guys!
• Lotta people surprised by all the weather happening this week. I gotta wonder why. Maybe my memory is hazy, but doesn't the Arts Festival usually signal the start of the shitty weather season here in Seattle East.
• Speaking of the recent weather, I'm never disappointed by the balls of the locals in these parts. During Wednesday's episode I was in my local supermarket. Giant Eagle, to be exact. (Seems like I'm always at Giant Eagle. Almost an unnatural amount of time.) Anyway, the rain's pouring and the store is taking on alot of water. Funny how things like that happen when you build a store below street level. Seems this shopping center was built a long time ago on an old swamp,but I digress. The store's taking on water, the store folks are trying to block off lakes, abandon ship horns are going off, the Coast Guard's picking up the lifeboats, you get the picture. Anyway, all this is going on and I'm watching the locals getting very pissed because the lifeguard won't allow swimming up the Oreo aisle. They can't get through the driftwood to get to the Snickers bars. The Fish and Wildlife guys are stocking trout in front of the ice cream cones. There was even some jackass-ette playing in the puddles barefoot in front of the National Enquirers. WTF is wrong with people? And even more pathetic, after the store was finally able to close, (4 hours early), some of the store people were on the front sidewalk being compared, by some of their loyal (??) customers, to parts of the female anatomy (not the first metatarsal, I assure you) for closing early. These jerkoffs were going apeshit because Grandma needed her Chesterfields or Puffy needed her Whiska Lickins so badly that they drove through water midway up their car doors and the store had the nerve to be closed because they were concerned for safety of their customers. Damn you Giant Eagle!

Oh, I Get it Now...

From the PG: PG exclusive: Accused cop killer complains about jail Seems Richie's not having fun anymore.

• In his first interview since he was charged with the April 4 slayings of three Pittsburgh police officers, Richard Poplawski today complained about his accommodations at the Allegheny County Jail, described himself as mentally ill, and refused to talk about the crimes for which prosecutors are seeking the death penalty. "We're not going to delve into the events of April 4 or anything like that," Mr. Poplawski said during a 15-minute phone call from the Allegheny County Jail, where he is being isolated from other inmates. He said that discussing the fatal shootings of Officers Paul J. Sciullo II, Stephen J. Mayhle and Eric G. Kelly would go against the advice of his court-appointed lawyer, Lisa Middleman.

First of all, how the f@*#k do you fill a 15 minute interview with this "innocent" if you don't discuss the "events of April 4th" in Pittsburgh? What other reason would there even be to spend the time? Surely no one cares about his thoughts on the happenings in Austin, Texas, the showing of Disney's Fantasia in Buffalo, NY or the Open House at the McDonald Observatory in Ft. Davis, Texas.

• Since his incarceration, he said, "I have been denied a viable psychiatric treatment plan, I have been denied access to legal counsel, I have been denied access to religious services, I have been denied access to social services, I have been denied access to privileges such as commissary and visitors, I have been denied access to gym equipment, the library ... this is all with my behavior being very good."

Obviously he had access to legal counsel long enough to be told to "keep your f'ing mouth shut!" . (Hey Richie- though she has a job that won't win her any friends, Lisa Middleman does certainly seem to know what she's doing. Maybe you should listen.) Viable psych treatment plan? Religious services? Social services? I can see his point here, being that he obviously made good use of these things on the "outside".

• In a calm and collected voice, Mr. Poplawski described a May 8 incident in which he became disturbed and started pounding on a window in his 8-foot by 10-foot cell. He claimed guards sedated him and strapped him to a table.

Sedated and strapped? Richie, this just in: you're in f'ing jail!! Remember? Maybe if you pounded windows when you got disturbed over puppy piss on April 4th, you wouldn't be in this mess and none of us would even know your name. And finally,

• "First and foremost, the reason I wanted to reach out here is because I want the community to know what an individual may be faced with if they find themselves faced with some serious charges," he said. "I want to improve my condition down here."
  
  Now I get it.... Prisoner Rights Advocate. Just helpin' the community.

Superstar

To the literally tens of folks who have taken the time to visit my little public display.... A few thoughts on the Pens win-

• 2 words: Maxime F'in Talbot. My new favorite Pen.
• Rob Scuderi for the Vezina
• Just a reminder- "They won't make it past the Caps." I am a true hockey genius
• A nice recap by Bob Smizik
• And from Mondesis House
• And finally, a personal note- Most of you are aware of the 18 month arrangement I have with the Allegheny County judicial system. In the time this arrangement has been in place (and I have been sporting the jewelry) the Steelers have won the Lombardi and the Pens have drunk from Lord Stanley's Cup. So I've been thinking, if it means the Pirates win the World Series, this year, maybe I should volunteer for another 18 months (kinda takin one for the team). Thoughts anyone? Let me know. Comment. Email

To All You Mothers... Happy Mothers Day