Mental Masturbation Edition

Mental Masturbation v: The act of engaging in impractical/nonproductive mental exercise/thinkings/writings through which a practitioner only comforts oneself mentally. Such acts don't lead to any constructive results what so ever in the real world; some might even imagine oneself being transformed into superman, or simply the opposite sex, etc. In short, it's just bs/crap. ( by lionhead May 25, 2007 at Urban Dictionary)

Where did the summer go? Kids are back to school, Steelers are starting, Pens are getting ready, Pirates finishing up (oops, bad example. That coulda been Memorial Day).

I was roaming around my local Iggle the other day (god, seems like I spend a lotta time there) and they had Halloween candy out already! They get earlier every year with these holidays. I guess that means Easter must be right around the corner.

Overheard at the bus stop..."for a hundred bucks you'd think this belt would hold my pants up!"

Because I am a documented sports genius, I'll try to post my weekly picks in the work football pool (just in case you wanna grow that college fund for junior). Week 1 picks:

Cincinnati -4, New England -10 1/2, San Diego -9, Seattle -7.5, Dallas -5.5, Carolina +1

Season record: ( 0-0 ). That's perfect y'all! Or, .500. Either way, I won't see either again this season.

'Nuther Local Boy Makes Good

Kurt Angle arrested on PFA violation, possession of HGH

Pro wrestler Kurt Angle is free on bond following his arrest today on charges that he violated a protection of abuse order obtained by his girlfriend earlier in the morning. Mr. Angle, 40, of Moon, was arrested by township police around 7:50 a.m. in the parking lot of a Giant Eagle Supermarket where his girlfriend, Trenesh Biggers, had taken refuge, according to a police affidavit that supports his arrest.

Uh-oh Kurt! What have you done now?

She told police Mr. Angle, who already had abused her physically, had been stalking her from outside a Starbucks where she was using a computer to send e-mails. She said she was afraid to use her home computer because Mr. Angle lives there, the affidavit said. She called police after she again saw him circling the supermarket parking lot.

Had a PFA issued against you and already violated by 8AM?? Nice work, big guy!

After police were dispatched this morning, an officer pulled over his car on Park Manor and Robinson Town Center Drive. During the traffic stop, Mr. Angle told police he and Ms. Biggers had an altercation last night. He said Moon police removed him from his residence.

Moon police again?

He denied stalking Ms. Biggers, claiming he was looking for a hotel in which to stay since he was barred from his home.

Wasn't stalking. Big misunderstanding. After all, everyone knows hotels are hard to find in the Moon/Airport/Robinson area. Besides, maybe you just needed a Starbucks latte to calm yourself. Yeah, that would explain violatin' a PFA so early in the AM. Wouldn't it?

In addition to the PFA violation, Mr. Angle also was arraigned on charges of harassment, possession of the human growth hormone Hygetropin, and possession of a syringe to use the controlled substance, police said.

Hold your cards we have a bingo!

Police ordered his car, a Cadillac, to be towed from the scene because Mr. Angle's license is suspended in connection with a previous drunken driving arrest.

Hence the Moon PD reference above.

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. At least you didn't go all "Pittsburgh Kid" on her. Then again, Trenesha/Rhaka Khan/Black Barbie/Naomi Banks/Panther Claw could probably kick the Kid's ass anyway. UPDATE: Kurt Angle found not guilty of violating protection order

No Offense Intended, No Apology Offered

At the outset, prayers and sympathies go out to the families affected by the LA Fitness shooting. That said, some thoughts:

1) Interesting work compiled by "DontHassleHoff".

a) 33 round magazine for a Glock bought online from the same company that the Virginia Tech shooter used.

b) Standard perv Google searches.

c) Crazygeorge.com? Really? How crazy is a guy who puts up a site devoted to how crazy he is?

d) Nice youtube vids. Like he’s trying to sell the house. Take a look at the reading material on the coffee table.

e) Looks like he had a future in selling used Saturns- “The paint is bright, shiny red. You will actually get looks from the opposite sex :-) ….” (Smiley face? Really? Douchebag.)

f) Isitnormal.com looks like a fun place.

2) Spot on piece by Tony Norman.

a) “Travis Bickle's rampage at the end of "Taxi Driver" was more about self-redemption and saving Iris than an immersion in violence for its own sake. That's where he and George Sodini part company. Despite a well-paying job and a comfortable home, Mr. Sodini was a whiny nihilist who couldn't be bothered with defining a purpose for his life, even if horribly misguided. If his online diary is to be believed, he wallowed in self-pity because it was the path of least resistance:”

b) “Many of us have even joked about social misfits who we say wouldn't surprise us if they came into work, school or church one day and shot the place up. Obviously, it isn't always the person who mutters in the corner or picks fights who generates newspaper headlines. Sometimes the unassuming systems analyst who just got a raise at a major Downtown law firm will be the culprit.”

3) georgesodini.com I know I've read a more pathetic piece of tripe in my life, I just can't remember when. Not to be picky, but don't they give out dictionaries or teach spellcheck at systems analyst school? And, what's with the text hidden in the source code? I'm sure that there will be those playing the "he-was-crying-out-for attention, poor-man" card. "If she would only be my girlfriend", waaa waaa.

4) Imagine all the free pub for R. Don Steele and the Tetelestai Church.

5) Naturally, a Bill Gates connection.

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BOTTOM LINE - To paraphrase "Dr" Leary, life sucks. Hard. Out loud. Hopefully, part of growing into adulthood involves learning that life isn't all unicorns farting rainbows. So, how does one make it without breaking out the artillery? That's up to you. Pray. Drink. Pills. Pot. Whatever it takes for you to take responsibility for you.

Believe it or not, there are no unique people left. In one form another, everybody has trouble at home. Everybody's job sucks from time to time. And believe it or not, even you don't get laid as much as you'd like. (Proof? Given the choice, I know you'd rather be gettin' hot and sweaty instead of reading this. It's ok. Believe me, typing isn't my first choice right now.)

Here's the thing though- when things have bottomed, why take out a room full of people before whacking yourself? More importantly, why start firing on unarmeds in the dark? Why? You probably would have a more positive effect on the herd by thinning it by one (that's you) rather than taking out productives. Problem is your a coward. I don't know if it's the cause or effect (I don't have enough letters after my name for that answer) but you're a coward.

Next time you get the urge to cash in your chips in a blaze of glory, maybe try to take out someone who's equally armed. In the daylight. Face to face. Maybe thats the answer.... bring back duels.

Or maybe not.

Random Randomness

Russian fans told Welsh whisky will ward off flu Aug 3, 1:31 pm EDT MOSCOW (AP)—Russian soccer fans heading to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifier are urged to take precautions to ward off swine flu: Drink Welsh whiskey

“Welsh whisky is on offer to Russian supporters as a disinfectant,” Alexander Shprygin, head of the national team’s fan club, said Monday. “This will relieve any symptoms.”

Russia’s top doctor advised the country’s citizens to avoid traveling to Britain, but “nothing will stop the Russian fans,” Shprygin said.

Britain’s Health Protection Agency has said the number of new swine flu cases reached 110,000 in the last week of July. Fifty-five swine flu cases have been confirmed in Russia.

Hundreds of Russian fans are expected to travel to Cardiff for the Sept. 9 qualifier. Russia is in second place with 15 points in Group 4 of European qualifying for the World Cup in South Africa next year, a point behind Germany. Wales is fourth with nine points.

The Tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect. Tigers' compelling dynamism, intense activity, independence and curiosity about others make them irresistible, persons of multiple charms; Tigers attract followers and admirers. The Tiger has a regal quality and is courageous, active and self-assured; he makes an excellent leader and protector. Known for determination and charisma, the Tiger aims high and pursues goals with vigor, passion and daring. However liberal-minded Tigers may be, they are rash and resist the authority of others. Although they are selfish in the little things, they are capable of great generosity, even of altruism, in the larger. Tigers are men and women of action, thrust by destiny into the spotlight.

Tigers are fearless creatures in as much as they blind themselves to dangers and impetuously rush in where more cautious individuals would fear to tred. Outspoken in the face of injustice, their strong humanitarian instincts will not allow them to pass by if they see a wrong perpetrated upon another. They have a disdain for security and make a religion of change.

Tigers tend to renounce confining traditional roles, opting for a more unfettered life. With a wide ranging mind, they can adopt any number of careers. Their many experiences serve to enrich their life and add depth to their nature. Material benefits matter little to them. Tigers have an inborn magnetic personality that attracts people to them like bees to honey. Warm-hearted, sociable and friendly, they are characterised by their frank, honest and open approach. Their immense kindness and generosity will always shine through except when crossed or backed into a corner, for then they can become vehement and ferocious.

Solitude is often the price Tigers pay for their position of authority, but they become accustomed to it. Better still, they draw on the experience, gaining new energies and great strength. However, this loner attitude and pride can sometimes prevent the Tiger from seeking other people's assistance when faced with an endeavor that calls for someone else's resources and talents.

Chinese say the life of a Tiger born at night will be less hectic than that of Tigers born after dawn and above all, those born around midday. It will be a stormy life full of dangers, but the Tiger will never be bored. Neither Night Tiger nor Day Tiger will have an easy life. The Western term for a particularly fierce woman is "dragon lady," but the Chinese call her an "old tiger lady." She has many expectations of her partners which can cause difficulties; she wants to dominate relationships because of her independent nature and desire to rule. A female Tiger won't submit willingly to the Confucian ideal of womanhood, which dictates that a daughter obey her father, a wife obey her husband, and an older woman obey her eldest son. For this reason some Chinese avoid having children in the Tiger Year -- for fear of having a daughter.

The lucky Tiger represents the greatest power on earth, and is the emblem of protection for human life. A Tiger in the house minimizes the Three Great Risks -- thieves, fire, and evil spirits. If there are two Tigers in the house, however, one of them has to go!

The Sexy Tiger Tigers make ardent and virile lovers who dominate their partners. Because of their sensuality, their impetuousness and love of adventure, there is an excitement that not only follows Tigers wherever they go, but also guarantees them a certain irrestible sexy allure. These creatures whose emotions are out-front have strong libidos and are lusty in their passions. Generally flirtatious, they are especially prone to wild flings in their early years but do settle down as they get older. When committed to a happy and fulfilling relationship, Tigers make loving and caring partners, warm-hearted and generous. They don't, however, lose that romantic streak nor that exciting ability to surprise.

Encounters with the Horse and the Dragon will be especially interesting. Tigers will feel a definite affinity with the Dog and Boar but should avoid the Rabbit who could be too conservative or weak for him. The Monkey may be one of the worst possible mates for him, competing with him and refusing to compromise. Above all, beware of the Ox, who is stronger than the Tiger and will keep on attacking him until he is destroyed. If there is a Tiger and an Ox under the same roof the Tiger will have to quit before he is annihilated.

March is the month of the Tiger. The time of the Tiger is from 3:00 a.m. to 4:59 a.m.; their direction of orientation is east-northeast. The Tiger's color is green.

I aint sayin', I'm just sayin'