Pretty sure you don't know this...

11 years ago tonight I was ready to make the biggest mistake of my life. Then, I looked down at the newborn in my arms and a light went on in my head.... "What the hell was I thinking?"

Lucky for me I was allowed to live in that light for the next 9 years. And then I helped cause changes that will affect forever.

Unfortunately, I don't get to see you two as much as I would like and hopefully that changes soon. Until then, remember I'm always nearby- all you have to do ask.

Love you honey. Dad

RIP- Part Deux

Pop Legend Michael Jackson Dead at 50

Michael Jackson (insert favorite joke here) and (here) and (here).

Michael Jackson. Icon. Superstar. King of Pop.

The youngters don't believe it when I tell 'em I'm old enough to remember Michael when he was a young, black, male.

Bad day for pop stars today.

Git Yer Red Hots Here!!

Curious story in the PG today- Strip District company pleads no contest to selling bad meat

A Strip District company that sold spoiled hot dogs, sausage and bacon to a Washington County discount grocer appeared in federal court yesterday. Thomas Goslin, the owner of American Dispatch Inc., entered a no-contest plea to selling the spoiled meat in September 2005.

According to Assistant U.S. Attorney Shaun Sweeney, Mr. Goslin contacted the president of Groceries Plus More, a discount grocer in McDonald, on Sept. 28, 2005. He offered the store four pallets of what he called "overage," saying that he needed more space in his cooler, Mr. Sweeney said. The store agreed to buy the products, which were out of date and out of code, for $600.

As I've said before, I seem to spend an exorbitant amount of time in grocery stores, usually my local Iggle. Over time, I have gathered a little bit of knowledge hangin' out there. Here's a little bit of the little bit:

• At the time, Groceries Plus More was small store in a small strip center in the small boro of McDonald. They specialized in selling mostly "salvage" merchandise. Salvage meaning product damaged in shipment, out of date product from larger grocers, discontinued product, etc. This means product selection could change from day to day and week to week. On any given trip there you would find Giant Eagle label next to Shop 'n Save label next to Foodland label etc.
• I would stop in there because, at the time, it was the only place to get Campbells Nacho Cheese Soup in the area (except for Take-Over-the-World Mart). For the record, a can of this soup (microwaved)+chips+sliced jalapenos=a decent plate of nachos in 3 minutes.
• Like all the other cans in the place, you had to be careful to pickup the not-so-dented cans.
• At the same time, there were shelves and shelves of juice in the "dairy" case sometimes 3-4 months out of date.

The 2,814 pounds of meat included 97 cases of Hillshire/Kahns Big Franks, 19 cases of Hebrew National Beef Hot Dogs, 28 cases of Wellshire thick rub pork bacon and three cases of Humbolt pork sausage.

• 2800 lbs of meat for $600!!! What a deal! Who could pass THAT up? Suchadeal!
• From the USDA: Is Dating Required by Federal Law?Except for infant formula and some baby food (see below), product dating is not generally required by Federal regulations.

Mr. Goslin told investigators part of the order had been rejected two years earlier and had been in his cooler since that time. " 'I knew the products were old, but the boxes looked good,' " Mr. Sweeney quoted Mr. Goslin in a written statement. " 'I did not look at the product before I sold it to see if it was fit and wholesome for human consumption, but I know that if I kept a package of hot dogs in my refrigerator for over a year, I would not feed them to my family.'

• Rejected 2 F'ING YEARS earlier??!!
• Guess we know he didn't shop there.

After the owner of Groceries Plus More complained to Mr. Goslin about the spoiled meat -- describing it as discolored and milky -- he refunded the company's money, Mr. Sweeney said.

• Nice to see the owner made what appears to be a seamless transition from Rocket Scientist to grocer. Seriously, Einstein, 2+ year old meat discolored and milky?

"In our 28 years, this is our first ... incident," Mr. Goslin told Judge Cercone. And.. "The company needs to get behind it," Mr. Goslin told the judge, in explaining why he wanted to enter the plea. "There's no defense for this."

• Without getting all Econ 101, let's just say that the area served by that store wasn't any better off then than it is today. It is also served by a struggling Iggle. So I understand the "need".
• All that being said, seems to me stores ought to be held to some sort of standard. At my local Iggle, I've heard people rant, rave, bitch and do everything short of calling the cops when something is 20 minutes out of date.

Too late to prove now, but wonder how many people got sick, back in '05, by stuff that didn't get caught. Where's the actions against the store owner?

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

RIP

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Farrah Fawcett, the "Charlie's Angels" star whose feathered blond hair and dazzling smile made her one of the biggest sex symbols of the 1970s, died Thursday after battling cancer. She was 62. The pop icon, who in the 1980s set aside the fantasy girl image to tackle serious roles, died shortly before 9:30 a.m. in a Santa Monica hospital, spokesman Paul Bloch said. Ryan O'Neal, the longtime companion who had reunited with Fawcett as she fought anal cancer, was at her side, along with close friend Alana Stewart, Bloch said.

Never heard of that type of cancer, but it does sound particularly nasty (is there any other kind?).

Her face helped sell T-shirts, lunch boxes, shampoo, wigs and even a novelty plumbing device called Farrah's faucet. Her flowing blond hair, pearly white smile and trim, shapely body made her a favorite with male viewers in particular. A poster of her in a dampened red swimsuit sold millions of copies and became a ubiquitous wall decoration in teenagers' rooms.

How many pubescent horn-dogs had that one over the bed?

Today's WTF

Note: Apologies go out to those who have stopped by to be witness to this public display of attempted humor and self-embarassment I like to call IKNAB. If you have been here over the last few days (and why are you back? Didn't test real well in school, eh brighteyes?) you have noticed that it was difficult (hell, damned impossible) to open most of the links. Apparently you need more than 10 fingers and a keyboard to pull this whole posting thing off. (F'ing cut and paste!). Hopefully things are fixed now and are running as near to mediocre as possible.

From the San Antonio Express-News...

Ready?....

Wait for it...

Here it Comes...

Ta Da!!

Texas strip club sues 14-year-old exotic dancer

A strip club that hired a 14-year-old as an exotic dancer is now suing the girl, saying the seventh-grader swindled them into breaking state law. The San Antonio teen allegedly exposed her breasts while working at Cheetah Club in Corpus Christi, a violation of state law.

Who da thunk it? A 14 year old stripper that doesn't know she can't expose her breasts? Damned 7th grade swindlers!

Alan Yaffe, the club’s attorney, said the club didn’t know the girl was a minor. “She came (into the club) with 6-inch stiletto heels and a miniskirt and looked just like a model from a Miss America’s contest,” Yaffe said.

Nuthin says Miss America like 6" stilettos and a Hannah Montana Skirt.

Police say Leslie Campbell, 48, kidnapped the teenager in San Antonio in March, took her to Corpus Christi, sexually assaulted her over the course of a week, gave her a false identification card and forced her to strip at the club. Police say the girl, who has not been identified, escaped from Campbell’s home and has been reunited with her parents in San Antonio. Campbell was arrested and remains in Nueces County Jail on charges of aggravated sexual assault and aggravated kidnapping.

Nothing funny about that. If he's guilty (innocent til proven ya know), then a state prison in Texas is just the place for him.

The suit seeks unspecified damages from Campbell, the girl and her parents, as well as a declaration from a judge that it did not intend to hire a minor. “We’re the victims here,” Yaffe said.

Can't agree more there Mr. Lawyer-man. The kid shoulda known better than to go and get herself all kidnapped. Parents should have brought her up better. And what about the parents? What were they thinking? I'm no lawyer, but it seems to that the parents should have had a reasonable expectation that something like this would happen if they had children. Damned irresponsible, that's what they are!

Authorities also arrested Jeffery Shawn Martinez, a manager at the club, on charges of employment harmful to a minor and sexual performance of a child. He was released on bail. Martinez’s attorney, Fred Jimenez, said his client is not guilty. “The minor walked in there with a fake ID and presented herself to be 22 years old,” Jimenez said. “She looks very mature.”

Texas must be proud of these lawyers. And, please, don't be so hard on Jeffery. I'm sure the lights were low at the job interview. And she did present herself to be 22. And she does look mature. And , Jeffery, I'm sure she kept the crayons in the lines on the ID. No way you coulda known.

Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission Sgt. John Mann disagreed. “I’ve seen this young lady’s picture, and I assure you she is a 14-year-old seventh-grader,” Mann said. “I personally think any reasonable and prudent person could tell you that is an underage girl.” Mann said he expects his agency to take legal action against the club.

Obviously, the reasonable and prudent folks in Texas are doing something other than managin' or lawyerin' in their strip clubs.

Todays History Lesson

Fans wait to get into the calamitous ZZ Top/Aerosmith concert at Three Rivers Stadium on June 12, 1976-PG

JUNE 12, 1976...

Three Rivers Stadium...Beer...Cattle...Beer...Rattlesnakes...Beer...Beer

ZZ TOP...AEROSMITH

$8.75 a Seat!!!

54,000 paid...250 injured...2 dead

PAAARTY!!!

Nice walk down memory lane by PG's Scott Mervis

• The calamities were Texas-sized. The front page headline the next day in The Pittsburgh Press was "250 Fans Injured at Rock Concert," many of them cut by broken glass "when bottle-throwing erupted." The medic on the scene treated people for eye lacerations, drug overdoses, a broken nose and a broken pelvis. A pregnant woman suffered severe burns on her leg when a cherry bomb landed on her lap. At one point, fans rushed a dugout to get on the field, hitting one security guard with a bottle and trampling the other.
• "[It] was the most horrible thing I have ever seen since World War II," Dr. Joseph Finegold, the Pittsburgh Pirates physician, told the paper.
• Two days later came a more ominous front-page headline: "Two Dead in Concert Aftermath." Hundreds of people had been swimming in the rivers before and after the concert, and the morning after, the body of a nude woman, an unemployed school teacher, was found in the Ohio River near Clemente Park.
• "They were all hopped up on dope and booze and running around exposing themselves. When they had to relieve themselves, they just did it in the lot. They didn't care who was watching."
• Still, five days later, Mayor Pete Flaherty laid down the law. If there were going to be any more rock concerts at the stadium, he said, they had to be seven hours max, the gates had to open earlier, there had to be more portable toilets, and drunks and druggies weren't getting in.

To review boys and girls- 54,000 hopped up drunks rioting and exposing themselves to a great soundtrack, all for the price of a gameday beer. And not 1 report of someone bustin a cap.

Oh, and seriously dude, "[It] was the most horrible thing I have ever seen since World War II,"?? Good thing you haven't been around PNC for the carnage the last 16 years.

Well, another Fathers Day is in the books.

Traditionally, this "holiday" is spent walking a leisurely 18 holes with dad, followed by a few cold ones and t-bones on the grill. For you, I hope tradition reigned.

For me, for the last 20+ years at least, Fathers Day has always been a time of reflection. Some years more, some less, but reflection all the same.

Let it suffice to say that in my nearly half-century on the planet, I've done a lot of things that I'm not necessarily proud of. I make no excuses and I do have plenty of amends to make. Hence, the reflections.

It is said you reap what you sow. I'm not known as a prolific green thumb, but I have planted 3 crops. I gave up the first seedling, and hear it has grown strong and is thriving. I have met with mixed success with the other two this Fathers Day. I do what I can, but, unfortunately, there's alot of others helping out with the feeding and fertilizing. Sometimes all we can do is keep trying and nurturing and hope that eventually they both will flower also.

To all the other forgotten planter/dads out there: all we can do is to keep trying and hope tomorrow brings more sunshine than rain.

Top of the Food Chain Edition

So it's one of my usual jumpin' Saturday nights. I'm wandering around online with the Pirate game on for background noise, Rockies 9-7 but I kinda like the McCutchen kid, and I made a stop at asathecomic's spot on youtube. Asa's a comic from Minneapolis and puts up alot of funny stuff. Admittedly, I don't quite get all the shots he takes at rappers/hip-hoppers in his spoof vids (I'm not quite the demographic) but it's funny nonetheless. Anyway, I clicked on this clip: Not sure that it's 41/2 stars funny, but whatever. In case you missed it, President Savior went all ninja on a fly during a recent interview: Reading PETA in the title of that clip reminded me that they issued a release condemning the senseless slaughter of this creature. Now, if you made it all the way down to the Obama portion of that link, you're probably thinking what I am, to wit:

• I don't know who Banksy is, but he seems like a douchebag.
• What the phuck is a Sea Kitten and is it really a phriend?
• Guevara's grandaughter got me hankerin' fer some carrots.

and...

• Seriously... what the f*&k is wrong with "comedian" Andy Dick??

Andy is a comedian/actor struggling to maintain D-List status. I've seen him and thought he was kinda funny in shows like Newsradio and The Andy Dick Show. Now you can find him mainly on the celebrity roasts on Comedy Central acting like a complete douchenozzle. I mean Courtney Love looks at him and says "Dude you're fucked up!"

Anyway, at :46 into the clip, a seemingly articulate and intelligent woman starts talking about how PETA isn't trying to get everyone to go vegetarian but they just want McDonald's to "consciously" slaughter chickens in a more humane way. Maybe she's right. I guess being scalded, debeaked, or defeathered alive would suck. I guess there probably is a better way to kill the poor chickens. Maybe we could drive them to suicide by making them sit through an Andy Dick Film Festival. Maybe we could have them buzz the President during his interviews. Whatever it takes. But, just when she just about has me, Miss PETA starts yapping about how we shouldn't treat the chickens like we're superior (cuz we're not) and how we're here to co-exist. Whaat?? Listen folks, don't think for a minute that, if given the chance, you wouldn't find your nuggets covered in dipping sauce in the hands of some chicken. Arnold Ziffell slathering you up with KC Masterpiece. Some bovine Bobby Flay whipping up a batch of Sloppy Joes, or Marks, or Petes.

Were it not for opposing thumbs to yank the food chain, Miss Peta lady, Hooters would be much different place.

WTF Friday

• 2 "Japanese" men in their late 50's are stopped on a train between Italy & Switzerland with $134 billion in US Treasury bills. A total of 259 pieces of paper. Officials: "Probably counterfeit, damned Mafia!" And for the conspiracy folks out there...
• In Denver, a clerk at a Mickey D's drive-thru says one of Denver's boys in blue pulled a gun when he thought his order was taking too long. Better watch out pizza guys!
• Lotta people surprised by all the weather happening this week. I gotta wonder why. Maybe my memory is hazy, but doesn't the Arts Festival usually signal the start of the shitty weather season here in Seattle East.
• Speaking of the recent weather, I'm never disappointed by the balls of the locals in these parts. During Wednesday's episode I was in my local supermarket. Giant Eagle, to be exact. (Seems like I'm always at Giant Eagle. Almost an unnatural amount of time.) Anyway, the rain's pouring and the store is taking on alot of water. Funny how things like that happen when you build a store below street level. Seems this shopping center was built a long time ago on an old swamp,but I digress. The store's taking on water, the store folks are trying to block off lakes, abandon ship horns are going off, the Coast Guard's picking up the lifeboats, you get the picture. Anyway, all this is going on and I'm watching the locals getting very pissed because the lifeguard won't allow swimming up the Oreo aisle. They can't get through the driftwood to get to the Snickers bars. The Fish and Wildlife guys are stocking trout in front of the ice cream cones. There was even some jackass-ette playing in the puddles barefoot in front of the National Enquirers. WTF is wrong with people? And even more pathetic, after the store was finally able to close, (4 hours early), some of the store people were on the front sidewalk being compared, by some of their loyal (??) customers, to parts of the female anatomy (not the first metatarsal, I assure you) for closing early. These jerkoffs were going apeshit because Grandma needed her Chesterfields or Puffy needed her Whiska Lickins so badly that they drove through water midway up their car doors and the store had the nerve to be closed because they were concerned for safety of their customers. Damn you Giant Eagle!

Oh, I Get it Now...

From the PG: PG exclusive: Accused cop killer complains about jail Seems Richie's not having fun anymore.

• In his first interview since he was charged with the April 4 slayings of three Pittsburgh police officers, Richard Poplawski today complained about his accommodations at the Allegheny County Jail, described himself as mentally ill, and refused to talk about the crimes for which prosecutors are seeking the death penalty. "We're not going to delve into the events of April 4 or anything like that," Mr. Poplawski said during a 15-minute phone call from the Allegheny County Jail, where he is being isolated from other inmates. He said that discussing the fatal shootings of Officers Paul J. Sciullo II, Stephen J. Mayhle and Eric G. Kelly would go against the advice of his court-appointed lawyer, Lisa Middleman.

First of all, how the f@*#k do you fill a 15 minute interview with this "innocent" if you don't discuss the "events of April 4th" in Pittsburgh? What other reason would there even be to spend the time? Surely no one cares about his thoughts on the happenings in Austin, Texas, the showing of Disney's Fantasia in Buffalo, NY or the Open House at the McDonald Observatory in Ft. Davis, Texas.

• Since his incarceration, he said, "I have been denied a viable psychiatric treatment plan, I have been denied access to legal counsel, I have been denied access to religious services, I have been denied access to social services, I have been denied access to privileges such as commissary and visitors, I have been denied access to gym equipment, the library ... this is all with my behavior being very good."

Obviously he had access to legal counsel long enough to be told to "keep your f'ing mouth shut!" . (Hey Richie- though she has a job that won't win her any friends, Lisa Middleman does certainly seem to know what she's doing. Maybe you should listen.) Viable psych treatment plan? Religious services? Social services? I can see his point here, being that he obviously made good use of these things on the "outside".

• In a calm and collected voice, Mr. Poplawski described a May 8 incident in which he became disturbed and started pounding on a window in his 8-foot by 10-foot cell. He claimed guards sedated him and strapped him to a table.

Sedated and strapped? Richie, this just in: you're in f'ing jail!! Remember? Maybe if you pounded windows when you got disturbed over puppy piss on April 4th, you wouldn't be in this mess and none of us would even know your name. And finally,

• "First and foremost, the reason I wanted to reach out here is because I want the community to know what an individual may be faced with if they find themselves faced with some serious charges," he said. "I want to improve my condition down here."
  
  Now I get it.... Prisoner Rights Advocate. Just helpin' the community.

Superstar

To the literally tens of folks who have taken the time to visit my little public display.... A few thoughts on the Pens win-

• 2 words: Maxime F'in Talbot. My new favorite Pen.
• Rob Scuderi for the Vezina
• Just a reminder- "They won't make it past the Caps." I am a true hockey genius
• A nice recap by Bob Smizik
• And from Mondesis House
• And finally, a personal note- Most of you are aware of the 18 month arrangement I have with the Allegheny County judicial system. In the time this arrangement has been in place (and I have been sporting the jewelry) the Steelers have won the Lombardi and the Pens have drunk from Lord Stanley's Cup. So I've been thinking, if it means the Pirates win the World Series, this year, maybe I should volunteer for another 18 months (kinda takin one for the team). Thoughts anyone? Let me know. Comment. Email