Damned Ratbirds

Holy Shit the Ravens got Heather too!

Pass The Sangria

From Wikipedia:

The Sun is the star at the center of the Solar System. It has a diameter of about 1,392,000 km, about 109 times that of Earth, and its mass (about 2 × 10³⁰ kilograms, 330,000 times that of Earth) accounts for about 99.86% of the total mass of the Solar System.^[10] About three quarters of the Sun's mass consists of hydrogen, while the rest is mostly helium. Less than 2% consists of heavier elements, including oxygen, carbon, neon, iron, and others.^[11]

Also from Wikipedia:

Grandiose delusions or delusions of grandeur are principally a subtype of delusional disorder but could possibly feature as a symptom of schizophrenia and manic episodes of bipolar disorder.^[1] Grandiose delusions are characterized by fantastical beliefs that one is famous, omnipotent, or otherwise very powerful. The delusions are generally fantastic, often with a supernatural, science-fictional, or religious bent (for example, belief that one is an incarnation of Jesus Christ).

It is indeed no secret that I disagree  with most of policies of the Redistributor-in-Chief.  Nothing against you if you bought the bill of goods he was selling during his election, but I still think his whole candidacy was so much smoke and mirrors. (This is not to say, however, that the other side is necessarily any better. If recent history has shown anything, it's that until this country has a viable third party, we will keep getting what we've always got no matter whether there's a -D or -R following the politicians name. But that's a rant for another time.)

Unfortunately, while the POTUS was busy bailing out banks and buying automakers to rebound the economy, he and his cabal (Wikipedia again) missed the most obvious and perpetual economic recovery (read revenue generator) in the universe. And, lo and behold, a 49 year old Spanish woman has capitalized on their oversight..... 

Spanish Woman Claims She Owns the Sun

Angeles Duran, 49, told the online edition of daily El Mundo she took the step in September after reading about an American man who had registered himself as the owner of the moon and most planets in our solar system.

Before you start scoffing and poo-pooing Angeles' idea, listen to her plan (of course she has a thought out plan.)

Duran, who lives in the town of Salvaterra do Mino, said she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund.

She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself.

Bailing out the government, bailing out the pension fund (hear that Mayor Lukey?), helping research and ending world hunger for a mere 10% finder's fee? SCOOOOOOOORE!

Too bad the Dems couldn't find her in '08.

Related articles

• Our solar system's not so unique (holykaw.alltop.com)
• A solar system like ours, packed with planets, 127 light years away [Space Porn] (io9.com)

Tomayto, Tomahto

Via Mondesi's House: No wonder I refuse to watch that show.

Now For A Word From Our Sponsors...

Can someone tell me why these two hilarious commercials are played only on late night cable?





Childish? Maybe. Immature? Probably. Funny as hell? Definitely.

But...

If we give up sophomoric humor, don't the terrorists win?

Just sayin'.

Four More Years! Four More Years! Four More...

From today's PG...

A President named Goodluck? That's amazing.

The Amazing Jonathan (part 2) - Watch more Funny Videos

www.bushfans.com

Random Randomosity

• Maybe the Islamists in Somalia aren't all bad:  Somali militants threaten World Cup TV viewers

"We are warning all the youth of Somalia not to dare watch these World Cup matches. It is a waste of money and time and they will not benefit anything or get any experience by watching mad men jumping up and down," he said.

Clearly that guy has never sat through a few hours at PNC Park 

• First they're not fit for the Stanley Cup, now...  Report: Most Philadelphians Not Fit For Military

A nonprofit group says that up to 90 percent of young Philadelphians are ineligible for military service because of criminal records, obesity or lack of education.

Put skates on 'em. They'd all fit right in with the Flyers

• At this point, don't you think an attorney is just a waste?  Van der Sloot attorney quits 

He is in a high-security area of the prison where only two of 10 cells are occupied, and he has no contact with inmates in the general prison population.

He is under guard 24 hours a day, authorities said.

The only other inmate in the area is alleged Colombian hit man Hugo Trujillo Ospina. The two have spent some time together in a common area where there is a television set and weights made of out of broomsticks and soda bottles, authorities said.

It occurs to me- Joran Van der Sloot: cold blooded killer or just really bad date?

• Hey McDonalds... Chocolate. Milk. Shake. Had I wanted whipped cream and a cherry, I'm almost  sure I would have ordered a Mc-Effing- sundae.

****************************************************************************
Just for fun... captions for the photo anyone?

Mr. Ben-isan Goes To Tokyo

• Just for giggles, what do you think the caption says?
• Why didn't someone tell me there's scammers on the web? Seriously, check this out for some laughs. The Trophy Room is hilarious
• I wonder if the Ambassador has the new Eminem on his I-pod.

"F**k that, I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl.
Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall"

•  Pens and Canadiens in Round 2. F-Ovechkin. It says here he never gets his name on the Cup (nice photoshop)
• OBLIGATORY PIRATES NOTE AHEAD: The Buccos stretched their win streak to TWO yesterday. They beat the Brewers,1-0, in Milwaukee no less. And took 14 innings to do it. Just a note to those who say each game is just 1 game, that winning by one or losing by 20 aside, it's just 1 game: 9-12 (W/L) is not the same as 78-155. Take a look at those numbers... 78 Runs Scored, 155 Runs Against. Now, say you're in a fight. You punch the other guy in the face 9 times and he gets 12 shots in on you. Next day, same guy, you get in 78 to his 155. Still think the numbers are the same?
• How far wrong has an interview gone when "Is your Mom a prostitute?" seems like the next logical question?

"My job is to find out as much information as possible about a player that I'm considering drafting. Sometimes that leads to asking in-depth questions,"

WTF

Time For Goodbye

I always knew that the day would come when it would be time to step back and away from the keyboard and, as Chuck Noll would say, get on with my life's work. I guess I just never thought it would come so soon. After all, it was just about a year ago that I started this little cyber-journey. It's amazing, looking back through past posts, just how little has changed.

The beginning of the end came the other day as I was checking my e-mails.

From the Mailbag

In the Inbox...

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, an animal rights activist.  The discussion came around to deer hunting.

The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?

Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress.'

    The interview ended. 

Go Ted!!
Check Snopes.com for the whole story.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Only in Alabama

RIP

Nude Snow Woman

MYFOXNY.COM - Police told a Rahway, New Jersey family to cover their nude snow woman after an anonymous complaint.

The snow woman melted as the temperatures warmed up this week.

PC snowmen? I'll bet the neighbors would be blast at the Carnegie.

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

I've Said It Before and I'll Say It Again...

Reality TV will be the end of Western Civilization.

You Just Can't Make This Up- Part Deux

With the New Year comes the traditional jump into the icy Mon led by the Pittsburgh Polar Bear Club. I can't say that's my cup of tea, but they appear to be having good harmless fun, so God Bless 'em.

That being said, if they could pull this goof out of the shallow end of the gene pool long enough to re-enact this act of sheer buffoonery in Pittsburgh next year, not only would I sell tickets (all proceeds to charity) but I would probably jump in the river myself. Just a thought. Lemmee know.

Oh yeah, bonus if he brings along his river-rescue posse. Especially the annoying chick working the camera.

Oh, Ken Lee, Where Are You?????

G20: Sometimes Cheap Laughs Are The Best

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Pittsburgh Irates
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

• Pittsburgh Irates: NICE
• At 2:23- "Pri-MAHN-tee Brothers HOAGIE?" Damned blasphemer! Rioting in the streets? That calls for a full-out crusade n'at.

And from the So Funny It's Almost Sad file:

I missed this on it's first run but the rerun is hilarious.

Throws her bike at the f'ng cops. I swear good dumbassery never gets old.

Random Randomness

Russian fans told Welsh whisky will ward off flu Aug 3, 1:31 pm EDT MOSCOW (AP)—Russian soccer fans heading to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifier are urged to take precautions to ward off swine flu: Drink Welsh whiskey

“Welsh whisky is on offer to Russian supporters as a disinfectant,” Alexander Shprygin, head of the national team’s fan club, said Monday. “This will relieve any symptoms.”

Russia’s top doctor advised the country’s citizens to avoid traveling to Britain, but “nothing will stop the Russian fans,” Shprygin said.

Britain’s Health Protection Agency has said the number of new swine flu cases reached 110,000 in the last week of July. Fifty-five swine flu cases have been confirmed in Russia.

Hundreds of Russian fans are expected to travel to Cardiff for the Sept. 9 qualifier. Russia is in second place with 15 points in Group 4 of European qualifying for the World Cup in South Africa next year, a point behind Germany. Wales is fourth with nine points.

Frisky Friday

Meet former University of Tennessee quarterback Jim Bob Cooter. Seems ol' Jim Bob was out late last Friday night and maybe it was nappy time (WBIR.com):

Former UT quarterback Jim Bob Cooter was arrested Friday night, on an aggravated burglary charge. Police found him in a bed. Knoxville Police were called to a home on Franklin Station Way, in the Fort Sanders area. When officers arrived, they heard the caller screaming. They burst into the home, and saw the woman running out of her bedroom, screaming that a burglar was in her room. Inside, they said they found former UT quarterback Jim Bob Cooter in the woman's bed. Officers said Cooter admitted he didn't live there but refused to answer other questions. He's held on $10,000 bond.

Though Cooter didn't want to talk, his cousin Elizabeth was happy to clear up questions on the WBIR.com message board-

ElizabethStout wrote: This has been such a HUGE mistake! Jim Bob is my cousin. "C00ter" is my mother's maiden name. She took some grief over it in college - didn't make her a lesser person, like you people writing these awful comments. Jim Bob is A BRILLIANT guy (ACT score:34 - what'd you make) who chose sports instead of medicine, which he easily could have done instead. He was going to the apartment of a friend where he had stayed a hundred times over the years. He had no idea his friend had sublet the apartment. You people make me sick. Get your facts right. 7/1/2009 8:01 PM EDT on WBIR.com

Sounds like Jim Bob may have climbed through Cousin Lizzie's window a time or two, maybe for a little "let's play doctor". All's well in Hazzard County.

From thesmokinggun.com

Chips And Dip Cops: Prostitute, Frito-Lay worker agreed on exchange of oral treats JUNE 24--Meet Lahoma Sue Smith. The Oklahoma woman, 36, copped a plea last week to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to the below Oklahoma City Police Department report, john Faron Johnson told cops that he informed Smith that he did not have any money, but that she "agreed to give him a 'blow job' meaning oral sex, for a box of chips." Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30. Following her February arrest, Smith, pictured in the mug shot at right, told police that she had a few prior prostitution busts. At her sentencing last week, Smith was ordered to pay a $1142 fine.

First of all, great title from the guys at Smoking Gun. Secondly, this guy gotta be a real charmer to be out cruisin' hookers with no cash. And, wonder if the local Quickie Mart had Frito's Buy One Get One Free- that's 2 fer 1 BJs y'all!!

Smoking Gun again...

In The Driver's Seat Minnesota pair busted after getting busy behind the wheel JULY 2--Responding Tuesday evening to a report of "people having intercourse" in a mall parking lot, cops in Fergus Falls, Minnesota were en route to the crime scene when they noticed suspicious activity in a vehicle traveling towards them. "I noticed that there was a passenger in the vehicle and she appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," Officer Andrew Renner noted in a police report. When cops pulled over the vehicle, driver Matthew Milligan, 22, reeked of booze and his "pants were not on completely." Milligan was charged with drunk driving after he failed a series of field sobriety tests and a Breathalyzer test showed his blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit. Milligan's partner, Nikie Rae Johnson, 21, was also intoxicated, cops reported. But she was only cited for not wearing a seat belt. Which is, of course, understandable considering all that bouncing up and down. Milligan is pictured below in an Otter Tail County Sheriff's Office mug shot. Johnson's photo, snapped in a car, is from an online profile in which her interests are said to include, "Having good times!!PartyIN-Dancing-& just loVin liFe**:)."

For today's Final Jeopardy... the category is "Big Cities in Otter Tail County, Minnesota"

Tuesday nights must rock in Fergus Falls if Andy and Barney were both on duty. Seriously, Fergus Falls has more than 1 cop and a mall? And, too bad these kids weren't in Oklahoma, where apparently you don't need booze to get laid, just Fritos.

Top of the Food Chain Edition

So it's one of my usual jumpin' Saturday nights. I'm wandering around online with the Pirate game on for background noise, Rockies 9-7 but I kinda like the McCutchen kid, and I made a stop at asathecomic's spot on youtube. Asa's a comic from Minneapolis and puts up alot of funny stuff. Admittedly, I don't quite get all the shots he takes at rappers/hip-hoppers in his spoof vids (I'm not quite the demographic) but it's funny nonetheless. Anyway, I clicked on this clip: Not sure that it's 41/2 stars funny, but whatever. In case you missed it, President Savior went all ninja on a fly during a recent interview: Reading PETA in the title of that clip reminded me that they issued a release condemning the senseless slaughter of this creature. Now, if you made it all the way down to the Obama portion of that link, you're probably thinking what I am, to wit:

• I don't know who Banksy is, but he seems like a douchebag.
• What the phuck is a Sea Kitten and is it really a phriend?
• Guevara's grandaughter got me hankerin' fer some carrots.

and...

• Seriously... what the f*&k is wrong with "comedian" Andy Dick??

Andy is a comedian/actor struggling to maintain D-List status. I've seen him and thought he was kinda funny in shows like Newsradio and The Andy Dick Show. Now you can find him mainly on the celebrity roasts on Comedy Central acting like a complete douchenozzle. I mean Courtney Love looks at him and says "Dude you're fucked up!"

Anyway, at :46 into the clip, a seemingly articulate and intelligent woman starts talking about how PETA isn't trying to get everyone to go vegetarian but they just want McDonald's to "consciously" slaughter chickens in a more humane way. Maybe she's right. I guess being scalded, debeaked, or defeathered alive would suck. I guess there probably is a better way to kill the poor chickens. Maybe we could drive them to suicide by making them sit through an Andy Dick Film Festival. Maybe we could have them buzz the President during his interviews. Whatever it takes. But, just when she just about has me, Miss PETA starts yapping about how we shouldn't treat the chickens like we're superior (cuz we're not) and how we're here to co-exist. Whaat?? Listen folks, don't think for a minute that, if given the chance, you wouldn't find your nuggets covered in dipping sauce in the hands of some chicken. Arnold Ziffell slathering you up with KC Masterpiece. Some bovine Bobby Flay whipping up a batch of Sloppy Joes, or Marks, or Petes.

Were it not for opposing thumbs to yank the food chain, Miss Peta lady, Hooters would be much different place.