Time For Goodbye

I always knew that the day would come when it would be time to step back and away from the keyboard and, as Chuck Noll would say, get on with my life's work. I guess I just never thought it would come so soon. After all, it was just about a year ago that I started this little cyber-journey. It's amazing, looking back through past posts, just how little has changed.

The beginning of the end came the other day as I was checking my e-mails.

I opened a seemingly innocent message from DR.MOSES ESIMOBI, who, as it turns out is from the

OFFICE OF THE CHAIRMAN 
CONTRACT AWARD & 
PROCUREMENT COMMITTEE, 
ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF 
WEST AFRICAN STATES (ECOWAS) 
ANNEX,LOME REPULIC OF TOGO. 
EMAIL: esimobimoses@yahoo.com.hk

At first, I wondered why I was getting email from the Repulic of Togo. This was quickly dismissed because, as you can see from the little flag box on the right, this blog has managed to amass a long list of international visitors and this was probably an expression of adoration, no doubt. Then, since I did very well in school in geography, I wondered aloud WTF a Repulic was. So, puzzled, I read on to see what I could do for Mr. and Mrs. Esimobi's son, Dr. Moses.

"Strictly confidential"

ACCOUNT PROVISION FOR USD 32 MILLION. 

Now, even though geography was a strength, even I know that USD 32 Million means $32 MILLION. Obviously intrigued, I read on.

Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and if it might offend you without your prior consent and writing through this channel. 

I am DR.MOSES ESIMOBI,The Chairman, Contract Awarding committee of the ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES ( ECOWAS)with Headquarters in Lome, Togo.

I got your contact through Network on line in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential transaction that involves a transfer of fund to a foreign account and I decided to write you.

For every one's future reference, it's hard to offend me when we're talking about $32 MILLION. Besides, that wouldn't become a man whose name pops up when you Google reliable and reputable.

After discussing my view and your profile with my colleagues,they were very much satisfied and decided to contact you immediately for this mutual business relationship.We wish to transfer the sum of USD 32m (Thirty-Two Million United States Dollars only.)into your personal or company`s bank account.

There's that number again 32 MMMIILLLION.

This fund was a residue of the over invoiced contract bills awarded by us for the supply of hard/softwares,phamaceauticals/medical items,light and heavy duty vehicles, apperals and other administrative logistics etc for the ECOMOG in Sierria-Leone and Liberia during the Peace Keeping  Projects. 

WAH WAH WAH (he said in his teacher-on-Charlie Brown-voice). Over-invoiced contract bills in Africa? Sounds like old fashioned graft and corruption to me. (FUTURE REFERENCE ALERT-  moral ground ain't so high when we're talking 32 ma-ma-ma-million.

This DEAL was deliberately hatched out and carefully protected with all the attendant lope holes sealed off.As the Chairman of CAC,I have the cooperation and mandate of the Financial Director and the Secretary of the Organisation.We arranged and over invoiced the contract funds supplied by different companies from different countries during the crisis.

It was our consensus to seek the assistance of a willing foreigner to provide us with the facilities to transfer this money out of West Africa.This is borne out of our beleif in the non-stable and sporous political nature of this sub-region.

 I guess if you're going to hatch a DEAL to transfer money out of West Africa, you gotta make sure the antelope holes are sealed off. What with the sporous political nature and all.

The original contractors have been duely paid by the Banque Centrale Des Etats De L`Afrique De L`Ouest (Central Bank of the West African States)through our bankers-INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA(IBA)UNION TOGOLAISE DE BANQUE(UTB),ECO BANK,BTCI BANK LOME TOGO.

This balance is suspended in the escrow accounts awaiting claims by any foreign company of our choice.We intend to pay out this fund now as the organisation is winding up its activities since the aim of returning PEACE to the countries and the coast has been achieved.

This just in to our newsdesk....peace has been returned to West Africa. Time to get PAAYEED!!!

Based on the laws and ethics of employment,we as civil servants working under this organisation, are not allowed to operate a foreign account.

This is the more reason why we needed your assistance to provide an account that can sustain this fund for safe keeping and our future investment with your comprehensive advise,assistance and partnership in your country. 

Nothing like laws and ethics to get in the way of graft and corruption.

It is however agreed,as the account owner in this deal to allow you 30% of the entire sum as compensation, 65% will be held on trust for us while 5% will be usedto defray any incidental charges and cost during the course of the transaction.

Hold the effin' phone! 30%? That's only $9.6 million. That might be a deal-breaker. Not to mention, what about the other 5%?

This transaction will be successfully concluded within 14 days if you accord us your unalloyed and due cooperation.You should provide the followings; 

YOUR COMPANY`S NAME WITH COMPLETE ADDRESS,
TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS.(if available) 
THE NAME OF YOUR BANK,ITS ADDRESS WITH TEL,FAX  AND YOUR
ACCOUNT NUMBER, THE COMPLETE MAILING ADRRESS OF THE  BENEFICIARY  WITH TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS. 

Upon the receipt of this informations,i will forward them to the organisation for ratification and subsequent payment.

Well if it's only gonna take 14 days, I guess I could accord my unalloyed and due cooperation.

As with the case of all organised (sensitive)and conspired DEALS,we solicit for your unreserved confidentiality and utmost secret in this business. We hope to retire peacefully and leave a honourable business life afterwards.There are no risks involved.

Obviously, unreserved confidentiality and utmost secret goes without saying. And, who among us wouldn't hope to retire peacefully and leave honourable  risk free business lives after such a conspired deal.

What follows then is private contact info, including phone number for Dr. Esimobi. I'm not going to include it since not everyone is as reliable and reputable as I and, honestly, I don't want my 9 mil snaked out from under me. (Contact me and maybe we can work out our own organised and conspired deal here.)

********************************

So, blogosphere friends, this is the end of the line. Remember to keep an eye on your inbox. Hopefully, if you're reliable and reputable, this can happen to you too.

Money for nothing and chicks for free!