The Country Gets a Little Eastier

The Big East Conference announced today that Texas Christian University has accepted an invitation to join the conference and begin competing, athletically, in the 2012-13 academic year.

As far as the Pitt Panthers are concerned, adding the Horned Frogs in football will do nothing to ensure The Wanstache's employment past 2015, as they are a legitimate BCS Bowl team (the "adult table" that Dave's Panther's can't seem to get a seat at) and should have no problem adding "L"'s to the Pitt stat sheet.

For the basketball team,as it says here, the move only gives DePaul company in the Big East basement.

But geographically speaking, how 'bout some truth in advertising? Reminds me of a riddle that went something like this: How far can a dog walk in to a forest?*


Just sayin'.

*HALFWAY.  After that, he's walking out of the forest.

Related articles

• Texas Is The New East Coast (withleather.uproxx.com)
• Report: TCU accepts offer to join Big East Conference (sportingnews.com)
• Big East To Add Some Texas Beef To Plate (blogs.forbes.com)
• University Confirms TCU's Intent To Join Big East (sbnation.com)
• Boise State Football: TCU's Big East Move Leaves the Broncos in the Dust (bleacherreport.com)
• Big East Snags a Big One: TCU Accepts Offer To Join Conference for All Sports (bleacherreport.com)

Pass The Sangria

From Wikipedia:

The Sun is the star at the center of the Solar System. It has a diameter of about 1,392,000 km, about 109 times that of Earth, and its mass (about 2 × 10³⁰ kilograms, 330,000 times that of Earth) accounts for about 99.86% of the total mass of the Solar System.^[10] About three quarters of the Sun's mass consists of hydrogen, while the rest is mostly helium. Less than 2% consists of heavier elements, including oxygen, carbon, neon, iron, and others.^[11]

Also from Wikipedia:

Grandiose delusions or delusions of grandeur are principally a subtype of delusional disorder but could possibly feature as a symptom of schizophrenia and manic episodes of bipolar disorder.^[1] Grandiose delusions are characterized by fantastical beliefs that one is famous, omnipotent, or otherwise very powerful. The delusions are generally fantastic, often with a supernatural, science-fictional, or religious bent (for example, belief that one is an incarnation of Jesus Christ).

It is indeed no secret that I disagree  with most of policies of the Redistributor-in-Chief.  Nothing against you if you bought the bill of goods he was selling during his election, but I still think his whole candidacy was so much smoke and mirrors. (This is not to say, however, that the other side is necessarily any better. If recent history has shown anything, it's that until this country has a viable third party, we will keep getting what we've always got no matter whether there's a -D or -R following the politicians name. But that's a rant for another time.)

Unfortunately, while the POTUS was busy bailing out banks and buying automakers to rebound the economy, he and his cabal (Wikipedia again) missed the most obvious and perpetual economic recovery (read revenue generator) in the universe. And, lo and behold, a 49 year old Spanish woman has capitalized on their oversight..... 

Spanish Woman Claims She Owns the Sun

Angeles Duran, 49, told the online edition of daily El Mundo she took the step in September after reading about an American man who had registered himself as the owner of the moon and most planets in our solar system.

Before you start scoffing and poo-pooing Angeles' idea, listen to her plan (of course she has a thought out plan.)

Duran, who lives in the town of Salvaterra do Mino, said she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund.

She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself.

Bailing out the government, bailing out the pension fund (hear that Mayor Lukey?), helping research and ending world hunger for a mere 10% finder's fee? SCOOOOOOOORE!

Too bad the Dems couldn't find her in '08.

Related articles

• Our solar system's not so unique (holykaw.alltop.com)
• A solar system like ours, packed with planets, 127 light years away [Space Porn] (io9.com)

July 8, 2010- JACKPOT!!!

• 2 Words- Table Games. HIP, HIP, HOORAY!! First of all, when is the great Commonwealth going to learn to get something done all at once, rather than in a half-assed piecemeal fashion? I mean, is there a single person who thought that our casinos could survive on slots alone? How about, just once, Pennsylvania leads the way instead of waiting for other states to show the way. Next, what's with Rivers and Meadows being packed at 6AM? Didn't anyone have a job to go to? I guess unemployment is why they were all jackpot hunting. Finally- does anyone find it a little fishy that the state lottery system went down for a half-a-day? Just wonderin'.
• Biggest Winner-O-the-Day (Local Division)- Michael Lanese. With the luck Ol' Mike had today, it's a too bad he wasn't at the casino. Long story short- Mike leaves his 9 year-old twins to clean guns, and lo and behold, one ends up shooting the other in the head. Then, father-of-the-year runs away to Vietnam to escape prosecution. Luckily, he landed in the courtroom of Judge Jill ""The damage here is done and it's not repairable." Rangos, who sentenced Mikey to time served. The really interesting piece will be if this 49 year-old grandmother from Homewood draws the good Judge Rangos for her trial. All the classic matchups here- man v. woman, Mt Lebanon v. Homewood, etc.  September 18 - October 18 2008 clearly not a good month for kids in Pittsburgh.
• Biggest Jackpot Loser-O-the-Day (Universe Division)- All of Us. LeBron James to Miami. Please (insert deity of choice here)- let there be more than five more years of this droning. Pleeeease.

Want A Lick? PSYCH!!!

Here's wonderin' if today's Battle of The Mexican War Streets was a carryover from the Great Pittsburgh Ice Cream Giveaway of 2010 .

But if it was, here's hopin' those charged were on Chief Jones' team.  Assault and Disorderly Conduct aren't the same DUI and Burglary, but I'm sure the DA's minions can get a jaywalking ticket to stick.

Let Me Get This Straight....

So, it seems that this morning, at 3:57 AM, an armed assault team went a-shoppin' for Home Electronics at an East Hills apartment. From the PG:

A 13-year-old East Hills boy told police he was awakened early today by four armed men who pistol-whipped and beat him to unconsciousness and tied him up before stealing a car and electronics equipment.

Four armed men beating and pistol-whipping a 13 year-old? Outrageous! 

The youth, whose name was not given, was sleeping in his residence in the 2300 block of Park Hill Drive when, at about 3:57 a.m., he was awakened by a man wearing a ski mask and brandishing a handgun. The suspect, who was accompanied by three others, one of whom had a shotgun, put the weapon in the youth's face and told him to get up. He was forced into the living room, pistol-whipped and struck in the back of the head, causing him to black out. 

 The victim reported that when he regained consciousness he was lying on the couch with his hands bound behind his back. He complained that the bindings were cutting off his circulation so the actors cut him free. The victim told police the suspects dragged him from the home to a wooded area and continued to kick and beat him and then, using keys stolen from the victim's home, fled in a tan 1993 Ford Crown Victoria towards Penn Hills.

So, four guys break into an apartment at 3:57 AM in search of loot. Hey, it happens. They happen upon a resident. Again, it happens. Then, they pistol-whip this kid till he blacks-out. Huh? They tie him up but, apparently, the bindings are too tight and they cut the kid free after he wakes up and complains. Whaaaat? Then they drag this little innocent into the woods and beat him some more.

The victim went back into his home and called his sister who lives two blocks away on Park Hill Drive. She went to the youth's home, took him back to her house, and called 911.

The sister told police other items taken from the home included a PS3 game, laptop computer, and cell phone.

OK, that's enough.

• A 13 year old is awakened, at gunpoint at 3:57 AM. Not "around 4". Not "it was really late". Not even "Gee, officer, I'm not sure what time it was, what with I was sleeping and all. Not to mention the fact that there was a gun in my face when I awoke." But 3:57 AM.
• I'm  not going to go into a rant about the state of the nuclear family unit in American society, but no mention of parent (natural or foster), a guardian or, dare I say, an ADULT in the apartment at 3:57 AM? Musta been that George Bush so screwed the economy that the caregiver for this 13 year old was working a third job at that time of the morning. Ya know, just to make ends meet.
• The youngster then calls sis (again- parent? guardian?) who picks the kid up and takes him back to her place. Sis gives the cops an inventory of what was stolen. The kid didn't see?

I just can't wait for the rest of this story to come out.


Check out WPXI's video here. Pay special attention to the "friend of the victim" who "was outside with friends" (doesn't anybody sleep in this neighborhood?) when he saw the bloody kid looking for help:

 Hmmm, red bandana and red do-rag. Seems to me, back in the day.....

Justice Ain't Blind, It's Cross-Eyed

On April 20, 2010, Schuylkill County President Judge William E. Baldwin:

• Sentenced Nancy J. Kane for a DUI. Kane, 41, has to serve 30 days to six months in prison under the terms of Baldwin's sentence, which the judge made effective at 9 a.m. April 25.He also sentenced her to pay costs, $800 in fines, a $100 SAEF payment and $60 restitution to Schuylkill Medical Center-South Jackson Street.
  Kane pleaded guilty on Feb. 25 to DUI, driving an unregistered vehicle and improper turning movements, which Schuylkill Haven borough police had charged her with committing on April 4, 2009, in the borough.
• Another defendant, David A. Bevan, 50, of Auburn, will spend 48 hours to six months in prison, pay costs, a $750 fine, a $100 SAEF payment, $60 restitution to Schuylkill Medical Center-South Jackson Street and a $194.58 bench warrant fee under the terms of Baldwin's sentence, which the judge made effective at 6 p.m. today.
  Bevan pleaded guilty on Feb. 25 to DUI, which state police at Schuylkill Haven charged him with committing on Sept. 6, 2008.
• In another April 22 hearing, David C. Kemmerer, 47, of Barnesville, will spend 60 months in the intermediate punishment program, which combines supervision and treatment, under the terms of Baldwin's sentence.
  Kemmerer pleaded guilty on Feb. 25 to DUI, driving under suspension-DUI related, careless driving and seat belt violation, which state police at Frackville charged him with committing on March 5, 2009.
  Kemmerer also must pay costs, $3,535 in fines and a $300 SAEF payment and perform 40 hours community service under the terms of Baldwin's sentence.

It's probably a good thing a certain city fire captain was arrested in  the City of Champions rather than Barnesville.

For pleading guilty to two DUIs, Allegheny County Common Pleas Judge Beth Lazzara sentenced him to 
"a week on house arrest" as well as "serve nine months of probation, pay $1,500 in fines, attend safe driving classes and pay court costs."

In return for pleading guilty, prosecutors  dropped several other charges. With minimal effort, those additional charges can be found online. Interesting reading.

"You, sir, have a position as a role model in the community. Little kids look up to you," Lazzara said. "A guilty plea to two DUIs is certainly not living up to that."

Is it any surprise there seems to be a we're-teflon, can't-touch-this mentality within the ranks of the city payroll?

Oh yeah, obviously the captain is a safer drinker than he is a driver. Hope the classes help.

Check out the Pittsburgh Comet for a related story.

In Memoriam

All Gave Some, Some Gave All

(h/t PSAMP)

I've been wandering around in my mind, for the last week or so, trying to decide whether or not the obsession I'm feeling about Hizzoner Boy Mayor Where's Waldo?'s handling of our recent inclemency is worth all the headaches.

I mean, hell, I don't live or work in the city. I wasn't affected in any way by the antics and missteps of the Birthday Boy and his posse. Before the snow started to fall, I'd never heard of Curtis Mitchell. And, there's a loooong time to forget stuff before the next election. As I've said- as long as Lukey has "D-Norside" after his name, lemmings will be lemmings.

Then, I read this piece at Infinonymous and I think I'm starting to accept.......this city is screwed.

(Sensing a theme)

• Switzerland company offers young boys extra-small condom, the Hotshot
  

  A Switzerland-based company is manufacturing extra-small condoms for the 12- to 14-year-old set.

  WTF?
  
  

  The Hotshot measures 1.7 inches in diameter (as opposed to 2 inches found with regular ones), and 7.4 inches in length.

  Go ahead, get the jokes out of your system. We'll wait.
  
  

• (CA State)Senator Roy Ashburn arrested on DUI charges

 Sources told the CBS affiliate KOVR in Sacramento Ashburn was seen leaving Faces, a gay nightclub in midtown Sacramento.

According to Project Vote Smart, Ashburn's voting record shows he has voted against every gay rights measure in the State Senate since taking office including Recognizing Out-Of-State Same-Sex Marriages, Harvey Milk Day and Expanding Anti-Discrimination Laws.

Hypocrite douchebag.

• And from the "Karn Evil 9" file: Roethlisberger accused of sexual assault
 

It might be time for Benny to trade in the "7" for a bullseye. Twice in a year or so? Not a good pattern. "The show that never ends" indeed. 

Maybe it's just me.

Mysteries. Solved

2 Down, 2 To Go

• Just for giggles, substitute "Pittsburgh" every time you hear "Washington".
• Fun, huh?
• Well, if crime's gonna drop, maybe the snow's O.K.
• Have no fear- as long as Hizzoner Boy Mayor Lukey Steelerstahl has "D-North Side" after his name, it'll take alot more than a little Snowmaggedon to get rid of him. Remember, come election time, lemmings will be lemmings.
• Thank (insert deity of choice here) for the suburbs.

Let Me Say This About That

Phil Perri, who has a construction business, uses his mini front loader to dig out his neighbors in Lawrenceville. "Thank God for Phil. He's the greatest," says Mary Ann Paddle, shoveling at right.

• So, again I ask... Is there any service that the government can provide better and more efficiently than the private sector? Answers anyone? Anyone?
• The whole Northeast under snow. Hundreds of thousands without power. Wonder what Pat Robertson has to say about this.
• Overheard at the local Iggle (which was running on generator power)- "... we had everything to make chili, but we had to come out for sour cream."
• Is it just me, or do mall parking lots never get snowed upon? Or is it that, since they know that they are open to lawsuits, they don't have the luxury of the don't-care-itude the municipalities exhibit. Seems like no matter what mall, the roads to the lots are treacherous but the parking lots are bone dry.
• A Canadian company has begun selling a novelty golf ball set that features cartoon likenesses of Tiger Woods' alleged mistresses. Naturally, feminist busybody attorney Gloria Allred is peeved and wants production of the golf balls to end
  
  
  Attorney Gloria Allred is representing one of those women -- former adult film actress Veronica Siwik-Daniels (aka Joslyn James) -- who claims to have had a long-term intimate relationship with golf icon Tiger Woods. Allred and Siwik-Daniels are calling for the end of the production of golf balls bearing an image of Siwik. Allred argues that putting the face of a woman on a ball which golfers hit with full force could result in marks on the image that might resemble bruises and may lead to inappropriate jokes about hitting women.
   
    Two things occur to me. First, I'm sure that there is indeed an inappropriate joke involving the faces of the alleged mistresses and Tiger's balls in there somewhere and I'm sure it doesn't involve hitting women. Second, for some good inappropriate fun Gloria should check this out.
• A 13 year old from Delaware has given a verbal commitment to play quarterback at USC in 2015. That's it, College Football has officially lost it's mind.
  

"He's already six feet as a 13-year old," (personal quarterback coach) Clarkson said. "And he's breaking down NFL footage"

The younger Sills, who is an seventh-grader at Red Lion Christian Academy in Bear, Del., has been training with Clarkson for three years. They meet about once every six weeks at various locations around the country. Sometimes in California, where Clarkson is based. Sometimes in Delaware. And sometimes somewhere in the middle, if Clarkson is conducting a clinic.

               I hope I'm wrong, but, I can't help but think of Todd Marinovich.
         
*****************************
Again, I hope I'm wrong..... Indy minus the points.

Brought To You Today By The Letter D

                                                                                            Haiti

Death. Destruction

Holy Shit!!!

No room for snarky smartass-edness here. This is serious stuff. Just some info to pass:

• From Neal Boortz:

American Red Cross
I put this organization at the top of the list. My wife, Donna, is a life member of the Red Cross Tiffany Circle Society of Women Leaders. The American Red Cross' primary focus during the initial response of an emergency is feeding, sheltering and supplying any other basic needs. To donate: Go to RedCross.org, hit donate now button at top and then International Response Fund. You also can text "Haiti" to 90999 to donate $10 to the International Response Fund. The money will go directly to relief efforts in Haiti. Or call 1-800-Red-Cross.

AmeriCares
This nonprofit disaster relief organization delivers medicine, medical supplies and aid to people in crisis around the world. To donate, call 1-800-486-HELP or go to AmeriCares.org. Donations will go toward medicine and medical supplies and for expenses for providing that medical aid.

Care
This humanitarian organization's main focus is to fight global poverty, specifically by empowering marginalized women and girls. To donate to the Haiti relief fund effort, go to Care.org or call 1-800-521-CARE. Money will go toward food, water and sanitation, shelter and emergency health response.

Operation USA
The international relief agency provides funding for reconstruction and development aid to communities that have experienced disasters, disease and poverty. For its Haiti relief efforts, the agency plans to use donations for health care materials, water purification supplies and food supplements. To donate, go to opusa.org or call 1-800-678-7255, or mail a check to Operation USA, 3617 Hayden Ave., Suite A, Culver City, CA 90232.

• There is a Pittsburgh connection that I hope, by now, you are aware. Jamie and Ali McMutrie are a couple of special young ladies from Ben Avon who are running an orphanage in Port-au-Prince. Because I cannot possibly do the situation adequate justice, please let Ginny fill you in at thatschurch. WARNING: prepare to be affected.

Deal. Devil. Demented. Douchebag

Frankly, I don't even know what to say about this. It's that far out there.

A deal with the Devil? Really? The country's cursed? What?

And, just what's going through Christie's head while this whackjob is rambling?

Mind boggling.

This Just In

• Pens lose to the Devils 4-0. That Brodeur kid's gonna be good.
• The Boy Mayor Wins!!! Let me say this about that: First, anyone who thought the students were ever going to have to pony up a dime, clearly shouldn't have the pointy scissors without supervision. That tax never would have survived a court challenge and methinks meknows Master Luke knew that all along. That never was the intent. The aim was, obviously, to get the "non-profits" to come up with the cash but, more obviously they weren't gonna pay voluntarily. So Junior comes up with a plan where the only possible outcome is win-win for everybody involved (and when I say Junior, I, most obviously, mean the guys behind the curtain turning the cranks and pulling the levers). The schools look like they can play well with others and Lukey gets to look like he's the one with the balls to make the hard decisions and the tough choices to save the city. That being said,  the only reason they went after tuitions in the first place was because they knew it was the politically safest route. What were those kids gonna do, anyway? It's not like the first thing out-of-towner students do is register to vote when they come to town. What are they gonna do, vote against Steellerstahl next time? In a related story.....
  
• Bob Smizik writes that, according to a bunch calling themselves Advanced NFLStats, the onside kick in the fourth quarter against the Packers was statistically the smart move. Are we to believe that while it appears that da Stillers are working on their Buccos-stinking-up-the-joint impression, they are, instead playing based on sound mathematical reasoning? Really?
• You may remember the story about the 10 year-old Arkansas girl who was tasered, in her home, by an officer that was summoned because Mama Bear couldn't get Baby Bear to go to bed. In the interest of fairness, (and we are nothing if not fair) we bring you this from above the Mason-Dixon: Boston mom calls 911 over son's video game habit 

(Police spokesman) Zanoli says the mother's 911 call over video game obsession "was a little unusual, but by no means is it surprising - especially in today's day and age when these kids play video games and computer games."

Amazing. Truly Amazing.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging

Gateway station to shut down for 2 years

Tee hee hee hee

The Gateway Center subway station will close for two years at the end of the month to accommodate construction of the Port Authority's $538.8 million North Shore Connector project.

Heh Heh Heh

Port Authority yesterday also announced that the intersection of Liberty Avenue and Stanwix Street will close Oct. 20 for a year to make way for construction. At the same time, one lane of Penn Avenue will reopen through Stanwix Street. Currently, Penn Avenue is closed to through traffic from Sixth Street to Stanwix.

Ha Ha Ha Ha

The North Shore Connector is a 1.2-mile subway extension through twin tunnels under the Allegheny River to new stations at PNC Park and Heinz Field. It is now scheduled for completion at the end of 2011, when a new, bigger Gateway Center station also will debut.

The authority's original construction plan kept Gateway Center open, but overruns forced several cost-cutting measures, including the decision to close the station to minimize contractor expense.

BWA HA HA HA HA HA

What's a Good Summit Without Keanu?

So, it's over huh?

A few thoughts, if I may...

• My prize for best exhibit: Greenpeace.

Subtle, well thought-out, nice execution, most of all- no destruction. I gotta wonder, however, how many folks sitting in traffic wouldn't have liked to have seen ol' Bob Duvall and the boys swoopin' down the Allegheny to help the danglers off the bridge?

When sunlight hit the sign just right, however, you could see the real message (Magnus Patris):

• Nice job keeping the malcontents out of the Downtown area. Pity the city didn't get a chance to showcase the barricades on the storefronts and the pretty banners on the unoccupied spaces. Bigger pity there was a need for so many banners. Nice windfall for the company(s) that came up with all the banners.
• As for the mob/police interaction: Fortunately, I think, it was less than of a problem than expected. After bringing in such a show of force, I think the "mob" underwhelmed law enforcement, initially, causing a certain sense of security and confidence (rightfully so). At the risk of offending all the nouveau-constitutional scholars out there, I think that the early harassment (messing with the food bus, hassling the lawful assemblers, etc), though purely chickenshit moves all, was necessary to set the bar a little higher than usual. Does that bus bus get hassled if it's parked them same way this Thursday, probably not. But it's all part of the game and all involved know how to play. I park my bus to tweak your nose, you cite my bus to punch me in the arm, I complain and bitch in the media,thereby getting the the issue and the ACLU before a judge, to give you a shove, you have the judge "maybe" bend the Constitution a little to shove me back, and it's on. Unfortunately, all the anti-climactic early skirmishes fed into the mess Friday night. If you take a bunch of people, with no intent other than creating chaos, and limit their chaos-making and mix them with a bunch of police, shipped in and dressed for preventing/putting down chaos, and limit their opportunity to use their neat-o toys, a mess is what you get. There is no bigger supporter of the police than I, but you didn't really think all the police and National Guard came from parts unknown just to do the tourist thing, did you?
• As for the rousers of the rabble: Where were you 2 weeks ago? Where will you be next week? Is there a tour schedule? Who do follow around, ala the Deadheads. I'd hate to think you've all gone to your establishment lives and your establishment jobs. You guys really aren't hypocrites roaming the countryside, spending mummsy and daddies corporate-earned money, looking for shit to break, are you? Just askin'.
• Now for the rabble: Please permit me to go into Keeanu Reeves mode for a moment.

As I asked above, where were you 2 weeks ago? Funny, but I didn't see any accounts of protesting in the streets of Oakland in the PG or the Trib or even the Pitt News. No stories of anyone protesting the military-industrial complex by breaking windows at that naval sandwich shop or that colonel's chicken joint. Where was your social conscience then? Surely, it wasn't just that things were getting boring at the O so you thought it would be a good idea to make some mischief. Was it? And then, to get angry when your hand got smacked? Really? And- about that hand- remember back when you was a wee tot and mommy told you not to touch the stove? Remember? No! Hot! How many times did you touch that stove? If your is answer is more than twice, you should return all your student loan money, cuz all that book-learnin' ain't gonna do you no good. The point is this: There's people in town to cause chaos, and the cops are ready. Probably this isn't your fight, due your lack of protesting history (see above). The cops are marching in the streets, the robocop truck is blaring "stay the eff off the streets or bad things might happen", the Pitt Admin is texting "stay the hell in your dorms for it may not be safe outside, youngsters". And, you, our brightest of the bright, our leaders of tomorrow, our hope for the future, TOUCH THE GODDAMNED STOVE!!! And then, naturally, you bitch and whine all over the media and, more naturally, post all over Youtube. Grandma called it a life lesson kids.

All in all, it coulda been alot worse. Nice job, Pittsburgh.

********************************************

Nice continuing coverage by Infinonymous. Check out the wrap up here.

********************************************

Related personal note:

To the Boy Mayor: As you are aware, since you are no doubt among the literally tens of people that read this little public display of written drivel, I am currently an avid player of the Incarceration!: Home Edition game. From time to time there are away games. The last away game was played to benefit the Esplen section of Pittsburgh (for your benefit, see map here). We were told this was being done in preparation for the G20 Summit. I even got a nifty t-shirt that says so. But the Esplen part of the trip was missed by the whole media. What gives? Esplen is a perfect example of Pittsburgh stepping into the future and way from the past. I'm just sayin'.

********************************************

Further personal, though unrelated, note:

This week's picks: clev +13.5, nyg -7, nyj -2.5, ne-4, det +6.5, den +1.5

Last week 3-3, Season 5-7

Please feel free to jump on the gravy train. I don't wanna keep all of this sheer sports genius to myself. Just givin' back. It's what I do.

If We Build It...

I was just reading the latest from The Carbolic Smoke Ball (those guys are geniuses):

Pittsburgh Replaces Locals With Cardboard Figures For G-20

and it hit me- why stop at the people? WTF are you talking about you ask? Why, only the solution to the Pittsburgh-getting-destroyed-during-the-G20-Summit problem. Two words.... BLAZING- F'ING- SADDLES!!!

The fake Rock Ridge in Agua Dulce (as opposed to the real Rock Ridge, which was on the Warner Bros. lot in Burbank).

Hope this helps.

'Nuther Local Boy Makes Good

Kurt Angle arrested on PFA violation, possession of HGH

Pro wrestler Kurt Angle is free on bond following his arrest today on charges that he violated a protection of abuse order obtained by his girlfriend earlier in the morning. Mr. Angle, 40, of Moon, was arrested by township police around 7:50 a.m. in the parking lot of a Giant Eagle Supermarket where his girlfriend, Trenesh Biggers, had taken refuge, according to a police affidavit that supports his arrest.

Uh-oh Kurt! What have you done now?

She told police Mr. Angle, who already had abused her physically, had been stalking her from outside a Starbucks where she was using a computer to send e-mails. She said she was afraid to use her home computer because Mr. Angle lives there, the affidavit said. She called police after she again saw him circling the supermarket parking lot.

Had a PFA issued against you and already violated by 8AM?? Nice work, big guy!

After police were dispatched this morning, an officer pulled over his car on Park Manor and Robinson Town Center Drive. During the traffic stop, Mr. Angle told police he and Ms. Biggers had an altercation last night. He said Moon police removed him from his residence.

Moon police again?

He denied stalking Ms. Biggers, claiming he was looking for a hotel in which to stay since he was barred from his home.

Wasn't stalking. Big misunderstanding. After all, everyone knows hotels are hard to find in the Moon/Airport/Robinson area. Besides, maybe you just needed a Starbucks latte to calm yourself. Yeah, that would explain violatin' a PFA so early in the AM. Wouldn't it?

In addition to the PFA violation, Mr. Angle also was arraigned on charges of harassment, possession of the human growth hormone Hygetropin, and possession of a syringe to use the controlled substance, police said.

Hold your cards we have a bingo!

Police ordered his car, a Cadillac, to be towed from the scene because Mr. Angle's license is suspended in connection with a previous drunken driving arrest.

Hence the Moon PD reference above.

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. At least you didn't go all "Pittsburgh Kid" on her. Then again, Trenesha/Rhaka Khan/Black Barbie/Naomi Banks/Panther Claw could probably kick the Kid's ass anyway. UPDATE: Kurt Angle found not guilty of violating protection order

Today's episode- "Bring on the G20" or "Puttin' on the Ritz"

Today, I got to take part in a community improvement project in the Knoxville neighborhood. I was, as was about 35-40 similarly situated individuals, "invited" to participate by the good folks at the Allegheny County Adult Probation Office because of gross knuckleheadedness on my part from a couple of years ago. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Some observations...

1. This bit of, what they call in judicial parlance, "community service" involved walking the Bausman St., Knox Ave., Brownsville Rd areas picking up debris from the streets. (For the record, I neither live in Knoxville nor is it the community where I committed my acts against the state but that might be a rant for later.) I've gotta say, judging from the butts in the street, Newports are waaaaaay more popular than ashtrays.
2. The locals must have had a great 4th. Plenty of fireworks schrapnel everywhere.
3. Stuff must be cheap in the neighborhood. Examples: bag of ammo found, plenty of not-quite-so empty stamp bags in the street. (Must not be good to the last drop y'all ). To be fair, though, no needles.
4. Plenty of dog lovers around. Lovers of BIG dogs.
5. The piece-of-shit Porsche with the Cali plates and the tree trimmings in the backseat was a nice touch.
6. Residents must be happy about Verizon coming to the city. Lots of satellite dishes on the houses.
7. Apparently, these pickup parties are a monthly happening. The community guy that was there was taking lots of pics to show the community that someone is trying to clean up the area. Couple of more cleanups and the Boy Mayor will be able to bring in the G20 tour. The view from Mt. Washington's gettin' old anyway.
8. More than a few SUVs idling with folks countin' cash. Must be counting confirmation money to take to the bank. Or not.
9. It was nice to hear thank yous from from some of the residents on the porch or driving by. Was it a coincidence that the thank yous came from those with the least amount of debris at there curb? Probably. Conversely, seemed like most of the wary looks and the calls of "don't forget this end of the street" came from those with the most overgrown mini-junkyards.
10. I might have to rethink my postion on what's goin on in Sheraden.

I Ain't Sayin- Talking Heads Greatest Hits Edition

Watch out. You might get what you're after Cool babies. Strange but not a stranger Im an ordinary guy. Burning down the house

Hold tight. Wait till the party's over Hold tight. We're in for nasty weather There has got to be a way. Burning down the house

Burning Down The House -- Talking Heads

It is said that those who play with matches are likely to wet their beds. If that's true, someone in Sheraden must be sleeping soaked. From the PG:

A suspicious fire destroyed a vacant house in Sheraden and damaged an adjacent home early today. The fire, the ninth reported in that neighborhood since last month, was reported at 2:12 a.m. in the 3000 block of Merwyn.

9 FIRES SINCE LAST MONTH??? WTF??? How's the old saying go? Fool me once shame on you, er I mean light one house on fire shame on you, light 9 houses on fire shame on WHO THE FUCK'S IN CHARGE 'ROUND HERE?

I gotta say, first, I don't live in the city and were it not for some shenanigans when I was young, I couldn't find Merwyn Street/Avenue on a globe. Second, I have no rooting interest in the stability of real estate values in Sheraden. That said, 9 fires is mind-boggling and should piss everybody off.

The fire appeared to have started on the back porch of 3014 Merwyn and spread to 3012, Pittsburgh Fire Chief Darryl Jones said. Arson investigators were at the scene this morning. The 3014 address was being renovated and was unoccupied, and five people -- three adults and two children -- escaped unharmed from 3012. No injuries were reported in any of the nine fires, Chief Jones said. "We are going to do the best we can to nip this problem before someone gets hurt," he said.

"...do the best we can..... before someone gets hurt"??? Seriously Chief, ya think? I probably wouldn't play the Powerball anytime soon were I you. Methinks you've just about used up all of your luck.

I ain't sayin.

Speaking of Chief Jones, please to watch this clip (pop quiz to follow)...

1. Does the Chief normally where his Sunday-go-to-Parade clothes to every fire scene, or just the ones where there's a dog & pony show for the media?
2. Housekeeping? Really?
3. "As with most of the fires, I was alerted by a caller" Does Councilwoman Smith see any problem with that statement?
4. "We had a meeting with residents a week ago..." How'd that work out for you?
5. Blockwatch and clean-up is as "aggressive as we can be" ? Really? Huh.

I ain't sayin.

He called the Sheraden fires the public safety department's "top priority."

Seems to me that if a street in Shadyside was undergoing this kind of "Urban Renewal", the Public Safety Department's top priority response wouldn't be watchful neighbors and trash bags.

Maybe what Sheraden needs is it's own camera-totin busybody like the Hoagie. Maybe if he came around trespassing on everyone's property, he might be able to snap a picture of the firebug. Or at least, grab a bag and be useful.

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

Todays History Lesson

Fans wait to get into the calamitous ZZ Top/Aerosmith concert at Three Rivers Stadium on June 12, 1976-PG

JUNE 12, 1976...

Three Rivers Stadium...Beer...Cattle...Beer...Rattlesnakes...Beer...Beer

ZZ TOP...AEROSMITH

$8.75 a Seat!!!

54,000 paid...250 injured...2 dead

PAAARTY!!!

Nice walk down memory lane by PG's Scott Mervis

• The calamities were Texas-sized. The front page headline the next day in The Pittsburgh Press was "250 Fans Injured at Rock Concert," many of them cut by broken glass "when bottle-throwing erupted." The medic on the scene treated people for eye lacerations, drug overdoses, a broken nose and a broken pelvis. A pregnant woman suffered severe burns on her leg when a cherry bomb landed on her lap. At one point, fans rushed a dugout to get on the field, hitting one security guard with a bottle and trampling the other.
• "[It] was the most horrible thing I have ever seen since World War II," Dr. Joseph Finegold, the Pittsburgh Pirates physician, told the paper.
• Two days later came a more ominous front-page headline: "Two Dead in Concert Aftermath." Hundreds of people had been swimming in the rivers before and after the concert, and the morning after, the body of a nude woman, an unemployed school teacher, was found in the Ohio River near Clemente Park.
• "They were all hopped up on dope and booze and running around exposing themselves. When they had to relieve themselves, they just did it in the lot. They didn't care who was watching."
• Still, five days later, Mayor Pete Flaherty laid down the law. If there were going to be any more rock concerts at the stadium, he said, they had to be seven hours max, the gates had to open earlier, there had to be more portable toilets, and drunks and druggies weren't getting in.

To review boys and girls- 54,000 hopped up drunks rioting and exposing themselves to a great soundtrack, all for the price of a gameday beer. And not 1 report of someone bustin a cap.

Oh, and seriously dude, "[It] was the most horrible thing I have ever seen since World War II,"?? Good thing you haven't been around PNC for the carnage the last 16 years.