Knockin' Off The Rust Edition

Just a few thoughts...

• I've been struggling of late trying to get a particular rant worded and out of my head. I guess that explains the Chris Rock/Elton John/White Zombie-does-KC & the Sunshine Band trifecta for the last 3 posts. Once I get that cathartic piece out, it's back to the rank mediocrity we here at IKNAB are famous for.
• Speaking of "we here at IKNAB", according to those 2 gadgets over on the right side of this page, we have had visitors from 33 states and 30 countries. Question: What kind of wrong turn is everybody taking to get here? Modesty and my faith in mankind prevents me from thinking the national/international community is wandering by on purpose.
• The Boy Mayor wins!! WooHoo! Thoughts on that surprise coming.
• In the office pool, .500 going into this week. Here's this week's lines. Got suggestions? Comment/email.

Washington Atlanta -10	San Diego New York (N) -4.5	Tennessee San Francisco -4	Dallas Philadelphia -3
Detroit Seattle -10	Arizona Chicago -3	Baltimore Cincinnati +3	Houston Indianapolis -9
Kansas City Jacksonville -6.5	Miami New England -10.5	Green Bay Tampa Bay +10	Carolina New Orleans -4
Pittsburgh Denver +3

Happy Halloween

For your holiday listening pleasure....

From The Mailbag...

From today's mail. First, in the snail mail (breaks into a jaunty little tune)

(Elton John/Bernie Taupin)
You could never know what it's like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide
behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing
you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing
better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor,
feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing
after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life
without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

Oh, where was I?

Oh, yeah, never mind. More on that later.

Then, I log into my email and find this in my spam box:

char90percent

If you are not white dont bother if you are not over the age of 35 dont bother,One other thing you MUST have a JOB of some kind I dont need nor do I want a lazy ass mofo. I am very single, I'm 39yrs old or young, I'm here to find the one for me so if your into CHEATING on your wife dont bother me cause i dont want to share the one I'M with. With anyone else I am a one MAN WOMAN. I"ve lived here in Piitsburgh for about 7yrs now, I have no kids, would someday like to have some or at least one. I was Born and Raised In the state of Calif. the city of SAN Diego. If you want to know more just ASK. You can find me in the PA chat room.

If you're an employed, white, over 35 non-lazy unattached mofo, let me know. Have I got a catch for you.

Just Sayin'

Another Baby Step For The Commonwealth

Licenses to sell beer awarded to two Giant Eagle stores: Robinson, South Strabane

This a sure sign that the End Times are upon us. The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board voted, unanimously (that's 3-0 y'all), to approve restaurant liquor license transfers to 2 (count 'em 2) local Giant Eagle stores. Another small step toward the light that is - the 20th century.

Truly remarkable progress for the home of one of the 75 Best People to trust with your puppy.

Giant Eagle has secured the Pittsburgh area's first two licenses to sell beer inside supermarkets — one for its Market District store to open Nov. 5 at the new Settlers Ridge complex in Robinson, and the other for a store in South Strabane.

"We are very eager to start beer sales," Giant Eagle spokesman Rob Borella said yesterday, adding the chain's customers in neighboring states that allow sales in supermarkets like the convenience.

(Ya know Pa, I hear tell them other states sell sliced bread and milk that comes in a jug. Is it true Pa? Is it really true? What did they do with the cow, Pa?)

As we've covered before, this makes our friends at the Philadelphia-based Malt Beverage Distributors Association none too happy.

"We expected that the licenses would be approved, just like the Wegmans and other licenses were," said Mary Lou Hogan, the association's executive director. Beer distributors contend that Pennsylvania's liquor laws don't allow sales of beer in supermarkets, even if it's kept in areas separated from the groceries. The test could come next spring, when the state Supreme Court is expected to consider the group's challenge to Wegmans' licenses.

Peggy Alston, whose family has operated Pike Beverage Outlet for 22 years, expects to lose some business, especially from out-of-state visitors who stay at nearby hotels and are used to buying beer in supermarkets. "What are we going to do about it?" she said, referring to the LCB vote. "It's still in the court, we are still upset, and it's still unfair."

While I understand Ms. Alston's concern with some business from "out-of-state visitors who stay at nearby hotels and are used to buying beer in supermarkets" crowd, I seriously doubt that the 2 six-pack carryout rule will affect her more than the 8 gazillion other bars and restaurants in the Robinson/North Fayette area already have.

("No honey," he said to his out-of-towner-nearby-hotel-stayin wife, "let's not go out to one of those nice bars or restaurants tonight. After all, 8 gazillion is just too many to choose from. Let's just get a pizza and a case of Natty Light and watch HBO tonight.")

While there is no bigger fan of progress and convenience (and yes, BEER) than I, I'm afraid that the biggest point is being missed in this whole debate.

Ready?

Here it comes...

The two-level restaurant at the front of the store will be accessible from a patio, and from inside, the company said.. Everyone buying beer will be carded at four registers inside the restaurant, and food can be ordered. Up to 250 varieties of beer and other malt beverages will be stocked, with a focus on microbrews and premium brands, Borella said.

I think that bears repeating (emphasis added)-

...blah, blah, blah "Up to 250 varieties of beer and other malt beverages will be stocked..."

As I've said before, I seem to spend an ungodly amount of time at my local Iggle. I don't think I've counted 250 varieties of canned vegetables, for crying out loud.

Bottom line: This grocery store is just another reason why the the rest of the world hates us. It's not our Democracy. It's not the 2 SUVs in the our garage. Hell, it's not even that we have used our massive technology to produce a Bacon Cheeseburger on Buttered Krispy Kreme Donuts.

It is the fact that we need a grocery store with a 2 f'ing level restaurant that seats 200 people (all drinking a different beer if they wanna). It is the fact that that we need a grocery store with both a cooking school and 400 different cheeses. But most of all, it is the fact that, in this world where half the people hated Bush and half the people hate Obama, where half the people hate al Qaeda and half the people hate the CIA, where half the people hate the New England Belicheats and the other half hates da Stillers (they do?) , the reason the rest of world hates this great country is that we need, and therefore we have a grocery store featuring (for a limited time only, I'm sure)..... "The Cheese Lady," artist Sarah Kaufmann, who carves the Pittsburgh skyline from a 1,000 lb. block of mammoth Wisconsin Cheddar.

Screw the End Times. I'm going to the store.

Vive le Commonwealth!

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THIS JUST IN......Amelia Earhart: ALIVE!

Take Two Asspern and Shaddup

Excellent piece in yesterday's PG:

Sunday Forum: Suck it up, America

We have become a nation of whining hypochondriacs, and the only way to fix a broken health-care system is for all of us to get a grip, says DR. THOMAS A. DOYLE

It's obvious to me that despite all the furor and rancor, what is being debated in Washington currently is not health-care reform. It's only health-care insurance reform. It addresses the undeniably important issues of who is going to pay and how, but completely misses the point of why.

And

In a single night I had patients come in to our emergency department, most brought by ambulance, for the following complaints: I smoked marijuana and got dizzy; I got stung by a bee and it hurts; I got drunk and have a hangover; I sat out in the sun and got sunburn; I ate Mexican food and threw up; I picked my nose and it bled, but now it stopped; I just had sex and want to know if I'm pregnant.

And

At a time when we have an unprecedented obsession with health (Dr. Oz, "The Doctors," Oprah and a host of daytime talk shows make the smallest issues seem like apocalyptic pandemics) we have substandard national wellness. This is largely because the media focuses on the exotic and the sensational and ignores the mundane.

And

Our society has warped our perception of true risk. We are taught to fear vaccinations, mold, shark attacks, airplanes and breast implants when we really should worry about smoking, drug abuse, obesity, cars and basic hygiene. If you go by pharmaceutical advertisement budgets, our most critical health needs are to have sex and fall asleep. Somehow we have developed an expectation that our health should always be perfect, and if it isn't, there should be a pill to fix it. With every ache and sniffle we run to the doctor or purchase useless quackery such as the dietary supplement Airborne or homeopathic cures (to the tune of tens of billions of dollars a year). We demand unnecessary diagnostic testing, narcotics for bruises and sprains, antibiotics for our viruses (which do absolutely no good). And due to time constraints on physicians, fear of lawsuits and the pressure to keep patients satisfied, we usually get them.

Or

The human body is exquisitely talented at healing. If bodies didn't heal by themselves, we'd be up the creek. Even in an intensive care unit, with our most advanced techniques applied, all we're really doing is optimizing the conditions under which natural healing can occur. We give oxygen and fluids in the right proportions, raise or lower the blood pressure as needed and allow the natural healing mechanisms time to do their work. It's as if you could put your car in the service garage, make sure you give it plenty of gas, oil and brake fluid and that transmission should fix itself in no time.

Dr. Thomas A. Doyle is a specialist in emergency medicine who practices in Sewickley (tomdoy@aol.com). This is an excerpt from a book he is writing called "Suck It Up, America: The Tough Choices Needed for Real Health-Care Reform."

Let me see if I understand this. Is the good doctor suggesting that the health care system is being misused? That changes in our own personal conduct can have a direct effect on our health and, by extension, the cost of health care in this country? That responsibility and common sense can affect change than can never be legislated? Really?

Common sense driven responsibility- what a concept.

WANTED

Burglar Steals 2-Year-Old Cancer Patient’s Donations

What kind of a lowlife douchebag steals money intended for a 2 year old with cancer?
I've known this little boy's father for years and hope and prayers go out to Little Ethan and his family.
If you are interested in making a donation to help Ethan and his family, please go to any PNC branch and donate to the Ethan Loney Fund.
Donations are also accepted at:

Ethan Loney Trust Fund

Dollar Bank

PO Box 765

Pittsburgh, PA 15230-0765

If you have any information about this theft, please contact Crafton PD.
Finally, to the lowlife douchebag: feel free to email me at the link in my profile. Let's get together so I can "enlighten" you as to the error in your ways. Please.

When You Find Yourself In A Hole, Quit Digging

Gateway station to shut down for 2 years

Tee hee hee hee

The Gateway Center subway station will close for two years at the end of the month to accommodate construction of the Port Authority's $538.8 million North Shore Connector project.

Heh Heh Heh

Port Authority yesterday also announced that the intersection of Liberty Avenue and Stanwix Street will close Oct. 20 for a year to make way for construction. At the same time, one lane of Penn Avenue will reopen through Stanwix Street. Currently, Penn Avenue is closed to through traffic from Sixth Street to Stanwix.

Ha Ha Ha Ha

The North Shore Connector is a 1.2-mile subway extension through twin tunnels under the Allegheny River to new stations at PNC Park and Heinz Field. It is now scheduled for completion at the end of 2011, when a new, bigger Gateway Center station also will debut.

The authority's original construction plan kept Gateway Center open, but overruns forced several cost-cutting measures, including the decision to close the station to minimize contractor expense.

BWA HA HA HA HA HA

What Would the Chief Say?

From PSAMP

"This is officially the most of Casey we've seen, even without the head and lower body. And I think it's safe to assume that this is more of our massive nose tackle than we've ever hoped to take in. A little too much hip/thigh/groin for me, even though very little of it is shown."

First "Raw"-thlisberger (or do you prefer De-"Ben"-eration X) is on 'rasslin, now this?

The Steeler organization in general, and the Rooney family in particular are clearly much brighter than I when it comes to the whole football business thing, but is this REEEAAAALLLY a good idea?

There are those that worried about the reaction to the WWE appearance after a loss to San Diego. Personally, I'm now worried about what happens should the Black and Gold lose to Detroit.

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In the pool this week:

Dall -8.5, SF -2.5, NE -3, Ind -4, Hou +5.5, Jax +.5

Just askin'-

1. Is anyone comfortable with da Stillers givin' more than 10 to anyone at this point? Even Detroit?

2. If da Raida-s are indeed 16 worse than the New York Football Giants, do you think they could beat the Pirates?

The National Tragedy* Continues

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*Sarcasm : Sarcasm refers to a humor that is at once cutting and bold in both in a mocking fashion. Sarcastic humor would never be described as gentle or endearing, but rather as caustic and bitter, describing situations, persons, or things in a derogatory way in order to be funny. Appropriately, the derivations for this brutal form of wit come from the Latin 'sarcasmus," which stems from the Greek "sarkasmos" and "sarkazein" which means literally "to bite the lips in rage."

A Song for Fredo

WHEW!!!! That was Close!

Ben Roethlisberger celebrates his first touchdown against the Chargers tonight at Heinz Field.(Matt Freed/ Post-Gazette)

Steelers beat Chargers, 38-28

Steelers narrowly avoid late implosion

Avoiding 100 losses a small triumph for Bucs

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And the hits keep coming- 4-2 in the pool this week (who the fuck woke up Jacksonville?). 14-10 on the season. Woo hoo!

NFL Breast Cancer Awareness Sunday

The NFL is proud to support the fight against breast cancer

Throughout October, NFL games will feature players, coaches and referees wearing pink game apparel to raise awareness for the campaign, as well as on-field pink ribbon stencils and special K-balls and pink coins. All apparel worn at games by players and coaches and special K-balls and pink coins will auctioned off at NFL Auction (www.NFLAuction.NFL.com), with proceeds benefitting the American Cancer Society and team charities. This is an issue that has directly touched the lives of so many in the NFL family, and we are committed to helping make a difference in breast-cancer prevention.

Steelers take the NFL's campaign for breast cancer awareness

Shiny, florescent-pink-trimmed football shoes with silver cleats sit in the next locker for his buddy Hines Ward to wear tonight. Similarly toned shoes, most of them completely pink with white or black trim, also will be worn by Steelers teammates Ben Roethlisberger, Santonio Holmes, Ryan Clark, Lawrence Timmons, Willie Gay and a host of other players around the National Football League. Many Steelers also will wear pink gloves and wristbands for their 8:20 p.m. game against San Diego in Heinz Field. Ribbon pins and white-and-black Steelers ballcaps with pink-lined bills will be donned by coaches along the home sideline.

And from Steelers.com...

Hope and prayers go out to all those affected by not only breast cancer but all forms of this dreaded disease.

You have to wonder just how much time and money it will take to find a cure. Obviously, it is just a matter of time and money.

Increasingly, however, comes the need to be more and more creative in how you get your cause to the front of the the public's conscience to get your share of the dwindling donation dollar.

Case in point: Along with the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, arguably the most well-known charitable cause is the MDA and its major fundraising effort- the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

Over the years, the Labor Day telethon alone has raised nearly $1.6 Billion but, admit it, when you think of Muscular Dystrophy you think of Jerry Lewis, not necessarily his "kids"

Well known. Hard working. Some would say cultural icon. He's been doing the telethon thing for decades and his contribution cannot be understated. However, the man is in his eighties. What to do when the man cannot carry on the good fight? How do you keep the cause in the public's mind? Advertising. I believe this is where it may be time to think outside the box. Take, for instance, this ad from Rethink Breast Cancer , a Canadian cancer awareness group, to support it's fundraising event- Boobyball.

Or perhaps this ad from the folks at Yoplait:

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The point, sophomoric examples aside, is this: in these days when health and healthcare is on the tip of everyone's mind, it's important to remember your favorite cause year-round, not just on designated "awareness months" or traditional holiday times. And, to that end, some charities need to be more creative in getting the message across to achieve funding in order to defeat these diseases.

I think.

Steeler Football: Troubling, Just Troubling

Troubling, just troubling. Via PSAMP:

• From Mondesi's House: Yes, Ben Roethlisberger Will Host WWE RAW

And for extra theatrics, he will be flanked by his entire offensive line, which will be trying to successfully block someone for the first time this year.
And
One thing I know for sure: I don't even want to think about a world in which they lose to San Diego, hold a 1-3 record, and follow that with a scripted wrestling appearance by a half-dozen of their players. It may get uglier than the G-20 protests in Pittsburgh.
Scary thought, indeed.
I was going to jot something down, earlier this week, to this effect...
"blah, blah, blah... Though I don't necessarily agree with President Savior's policies and politics, I must thank him for one thing- since his arrival on the national political scene, not only has the Rev. Jesse Jackson all but become invisible, but the Rev. Al Sharpton is becoming more and more irrelevant. This seems to be borne out by Sharpton's hosting of WWE RAW. What could possibly better signify comic book irrelevance than hosting RAW blah, blah, blah...."
I had all the facts and figures and comebacks ready for the attacks from the "You Redneck, Racist, Right-Wing Bastard!" crowd, but now with the Roethlisberger announcement, do I tempt the wrath of Stiller Nation by using "Roethlisberger", "(truly)Offensive Line", and "comic book irrelevance" in the same sentence? Well, like they say, I may have been born during the day....., troubling, just troubling.

• Willie "Pink Shoes" Parker- Pink shoes for a good cause, to be sure, but the pink toe inside the shoe is troubling, just troubling. Welcome back, Carey Davis.
• Troy Polamalu- With all due respect, Troy is probably the best safety in the league, but, if missing one player can make as much of a difference to a defending Super Bowl Champion, as it appears Troy's has, methinks something else is afoot. Complacency, anyone? Troubling, just troubling.
• Casey Hampton nekkid- Hey ESPN The Magazine- WTF???? Troub,er, GROSS JUST GROSS.

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For the football pool last week- 5 WINS, 1 LOSS (55% for the season). I'm a genius I tell ya'. Hey Cleveland, you can't find a way to stay within 2 effin' touchdowns????? It's official- you do truly suck.
This week for all you smart bandwagon jumpers....
Hou -9.5, Tenn -3, Dal -3, NO -6.5, NYG -9, Ind -6.5
Come to poppa, golden goose.

G20: Sometimes Cheap Laughs Are The Best

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Pittsburgh Irates
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

• Pittsburgh Irates: NICE
• At 2:23- "Pri-MAHN-tee Brothers HOAGIE?" Damned blasphemer! Rioting in the streets? That calls for a full-out crusade n'at.

And from the So Funny It's Almost Sad file:

I missed this on it's first run but the rerun is hilarious.

Throws her bike at the f'ng cops. I swear good dumbassery never gets old.

What's a Good Summit Without Keanu?

So, it's over huh?

A few thoughts, if I may...

• My prize for best exhibit: Greenpeace.

Subtle, well thought-out, nice execution, most of all- no destruction. I gotta wonder, however, how many folks sitting in traffic wouldn't have liked to have seen ol' Bob Duvall and the boys swoopin' down the Allegheny to help the danglers off the bridge?

When sunlight hit the sign just right, however, you could see the real message (Magnus Patris):

• Nice job keeping the malcontents out of the Downtown area. Pity the city didn't get a chance to showcase the barricades on the storefronts and the pretty banners on the unoccupied spaces. Bigger pity there was a need for so many banners. Nice windfall for the company(s) that came up with all the banners.
• As for the mob/police interaction: Fortunately, I think, it was less than of a problem than expected. After bringing in such a show of force, I think the "mob" underwhelmed law enforcement, initially, causing a certain sense of security and confidence (rightfully so). At the risk of offending all the nouveau-constitutional scholars out there, I think that the early harassment (messing with the food bus, hassling the lawful assemblers, etc), though purely chickenshit moves all, was necessary to set the bar a little higher than usual. Does that bus bus get hassled if it's parked them same way this Thursday, probably not. But it's all part of the game and all involved know how to play. I park my bus to tweak your nose, you cite my bus to punch me in the arm, I complain and bitch in the media,thereby getting the the issue and the ACLU before a judge, to give you a shove, you have the judge "maybe" bend the Constitution a little to shove me back, and it's on. Unfortunately, all the anti-climactic early skirmishes fed into the mess Friday night. If you take a bunch of people, with no intent other than creating chaos, and limit their chaos-making and mix them with a bunch of police, shipped in and dressed for preventing/putting down chaos, and limit their opportunity to use their neat-o toys, a mess is what you get. There is no bigger supporter of the police than I, but you didn't really think all the police and National Guard came from parts unknown just to do the tourist thing, did you?
• As for the rousers of the rabble: Where were you 2 weeks ago? Where will you be next week? Is there a tour schedule? Who do follow around, ala the Deadheads. I'd hate to think you've all gone to your establishment lives and your establishment jobs. You guys really aren't hypocrites roaming the countryside, spending mummsy and daddies corporate-earned money, looking for shit to break, are you? Just askin'.
• Now for the rabble: Please permit me to go into Keeanu Reeves mode for a moment.

As I asked above, where were you 2 weeks ago? Funny, but I didn't see any accounts of protesting in the streets of Oakland in the PG or the Trib or even the Pitt News. No stories of anyone protesting the military-industrial complex by breaking windows at that naval sandwich shop or that colonel's chicken joint. Where was your social conscience then? Surely, it wasn't just that things were getting boring at the O so you thought it would be a good idea to make some mischief. Was it? And then, to get angry when your hand got smacked? Really? And- about that hand- remember back when you was a wee tot and mommy told you not to touch the stove? Remember? No! Hot! How many times did you touch that stove? If your is answer is more than twice, you should return all your student loan money, cuz all that book-learnin' ain't gonna do you no good. The point is this: There's people in town to cause chaos, and the cops are ready. Probably this isn't your fight, due your lack of protesting history (see above). The cops are marching in the streets, the robocop truck is blaring "stay the eff off the streets or bad things might happen", the Pitt Admin is texting "stay the hell in your dorms for it may not be safe outside, youngsters". And, you, our brightest of the bright, our leaders of tomorrow, our hope for the future, TOUCH THE GODDAMNED STOVE!!! And then, naturally, you bitch and whine all over the media and, more naturally, post all over Youtube. Grandma called it a life lesson kids.

All in all, it coulda been alot worse. Nice job, Pittsburgh.

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Nice continuing coverage by Infinonymous. Check out the wrap up here.

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Related personal note:

To the Boy Mayor: As you are aware, since you are no doubt among the literally tens of people that read this little public display of written drivel, I am currently an avid player of the Incarceration!: Home Edition game. From time to time there are away games. The last away game was played to benefit the Esplen section of Pittsburgh (for your benefit, see map here). We were told this was being done in preparation for the G20 Summit. I even got a nifty t-shirt that says so. But the Esplen part of the trip was missed by the whole media. What gives? Esplen is a perfect example of Pittsburgh stepping into the future and way from the past. I'm just sayin'.

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Further personal, though unrelated, note:

This week's picks: clev +13.5, nyg -7, nyj -2.5, ne-4, det +6.5, den +1.5

Last week 3-3, Season 5-7

Please feel free to jump on the gravy train. I don't wanna keep all of this sheer sports genius to myself. Just givin' back. It's what I do.

Random Acts of Depraviosity

Just a little something till I can get my G20 thoughts together...

From Stamford, Connecticut:

Connecticut Karaoke Assault

"According to a police press release, the six arrestees made "derogatory comments about the other female's singing ability (or lack thereof) and then repeatedly punched, kicked and pulled the hair of the victim before leaving the bar." Alcantara, who suffered a chipped tooth and was left with numerous bruises, was treated at a local hospital."

1. Who hasn't wanted to do that? C'mon be honest.
2. Looks like they grow their 19 & 20 year olds pretty thugalicious in ol'Stamford.

Dumbells with dumbells in Costa Mesa, California:

"In an ill-conceived attempt to increase the size of his member, a man placed his penis through the "hole of a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener," according to the Daily Pilot. The fasteners are used to secure weight plates on dumbbell bars."

""They said his comment was, 'This will make me the chief of my tribe,'" Costa Mesa Battalion Chief Scott Broussard told the Pilot."

"They also slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing," Broussard told the Pilot."

Chief of my tribe????

And, finally, from Philly.com:

Animal-cruelty charges dropped against Burlington County cop

"During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation or even irritated that they'd been duped out of a meal."

""If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,' " Judge James J. Morley asked.

"I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," Morgan argued. "It's a crime against nature."

And

"I'm not saying it's OK," Morley said. "This is a legal question for me. It's not a questions of morals. It's not a question of hygiene. It's not a question of how people should conduct themselves."

WTF?

If We Build It...

I was just reading the latest from The Carbolic Smoke Ball (those guys are geniuses):

Pittsburgh Replaces Locals With Cardboard Figures For G-20

and it hit me- why stop at the people? WTF are you talking about you ask? Why, only the solution to the Pittsburgh-getting-destroyed-during-the-G20-Summit problem. Two words.... BLAZING- F'ING- SADDLES!!!

The fake Rock Ridge in Agua Dulce (as opposed to the real Rock Ridge, which was on the Warner Bros. lot in Burbank).

Hope this helps.

Leftovers Edition

Cleanin' up the scraps...

• G20: I can't wait for this all to be over. I'm still not sure why it's coming. " Our time to shine to the rest of the world, we're not all smoky and sooty, our economy turned around from the steel days, blah blah blah blah". Part of me thinks this is so much ado about nothing, kind of a cross between a Grateful Dead tour and the Y2K "it might be a mess!". However, lots of imported police, National Guard, and shiny new gear and training tells me probably not. I certainly hope the Boy Mayor and Dan the Man didn't screw the pooch by not saying "thanks but, no thanks". But, who's gonna pay for this hasn't been answered. The Police Chief in Scott Township certainly had the right idea. Probably best to keep your head down and stay out of town for a while.

• Racists, Competitors or Jerks?: Do you mean to tell me that a tennis player, a politician and an "entertainer" acting rudely in the same month is a signal of the the fall of Western Culture? Paaa-f'ng-leeez! Serena Williams? 2 words- John McEnroe. Two more- Jimmy Connors. 2 more- Ille Nastase. Hey folks, players have been yelling at and berating officials for years. Get a life. Rep. Joe Wilson- you think that was bad? I suggest you spend some time watching the Brits on C-SPAN some time. That was probably an "I'll do it if you do it too" thing. At the last minute, the other kids backed out and Lil' Joey got punk'd. Kanye West- Why all the hand-wringing and overthinking? Why can't it just be he's a boozed-up douchebag and leave it at that?

In other words....

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I went 2-4 in the football pool at work last week. You're welcome to all those who decided to bet the kiddo's college fund. Let's help that mortgage this week. This weeks picks: New Orleans +1/2, Washington -10, San Francisco -1 1/2, Minnesota -10, Tennessee -7, Cleveland +3.
Guaranteed picks. Maybe not winners, but picks just the same.

"So, how are you? Has life been good to you? Are you still in Pgh? So, many questions.... many years to catch up on! "

I received that in my inbox the other day. It came from a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in a looooong time. I guess we're still friends since not even I have managed to find a way to piss someone off on the other side of the country.

Certainly good questions. So I started to think about the answers."How are you? Has life been good to you?"

Let's review....

I guess, at the end of the day, I'm OK. Maybe not as well as you there and probably better than some of you over there. But I'm OK. I've had ups and I've had downs and, luckily, it seems that the ups have outnumbered.

Maybe not as good as I thought it would be or wanted it to be. But still good. Maybe not as good you over there. But, again, probably better than some of you way over there.

For better or worse, I've done most of things I thought I would, and I've done alot of things I never dreamed I would.

Marriage? Check. Divorce (I guess that's part of life)? Check. Marriage(huh? Again? Really?)? Check. Divorce (oh shit)? Check.

Kids? Check. Managed to maintain a healthy relationship with them or foul it up, not unlike your childhood? Jury's still out on that one.

Growing up, I wanted to gain a working knowledge of the inner workings of the legal system, perhaps pursuing it as a career path. Unfortunately, the knowledge I gained involved handcuffs, lawyers and judges.

Somehow, through everything, I've managed to stay gainfully employed (even self-employed for a time). Given the state of the economy, I guess that was an accomplishment. Faint praise.

All that being said, I'm OK. I've learned from every experience, albeit sometimes slowly. I've learned that, for better or worse, I'm an envelope pusher. I have a need to find the edge of the table and I need to see how close to that edge I can get without falling off. It's not right, it's not wrong. It just is.

The bottom line is... I've been a hero and I've been a heel. I've been a star and I've been just a face in the crowd.I have challenged and have been challenged. All in all, I've been human. Life's been OK and...

I'm OK.

How've you been?

Holy Shit It's a WTF Friday

A U.S. Coast Guard boat is seen on the Potomac River in Washington, Friday, Sept. 11, 2009. The Coast Guard was conducting a training exercise in the Potomac River moments before President Barack Obama crossed a nearby bridge for a Sept. 11 commemoration. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

• So, someone in Washington thought it would be a good idea for the Coast Guard to hold training exercises on the Potomac River while President Saviour was at the Pentagon commemorating the 9/11 attacks and a group of victims families gathered less than a mile away to mourn?

WTF?

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs on Friday morning said he was not aware of any heads-up given by the U.S. Coast Guard to the White House about its training exercise in the Potomac River this morning, as President Obama was at the Pentagon commemorating the 9/11 attacks, and he suggested that any panic that resulted from the reporting of the event was the fault of false reports by the media, not law enforcement.

No heads up given? I have to believe that, even if done secretly, the National Danger Alert Color (or whatever they're calling it today) was escalated to some super-secret magenta or maybe a lovely ripe banana yellow on the anniversary of 9/11 and I would hope that the folks responsible for the safety of such a high-value target would've known about some boats with guns on the river, even if they were friendly.

Shortly after 10 am, many media outlets, led by CNN, falsely reported that shots had been fired. As first reported by ABC News' Lisa Stark, flights leaving Reagan National Airport were delayed. CNN later retracted the report. "If anyone was unnecessarily alarmed based on erroneous reporting that denoted shots had been fired, I think everybody is apologetic of that," Gibbs said.

Shots fired at a military, er , I mean law-enforcement training exercise? I'm shocked! And then to have the damned media report it? The nerve!! Sounds to me like someones "oh shit alarm" went off and then the media was shown the error in their ways. God knows no one wants a repeat of the hoopla over Air Force One buzzing Manhattan for a photo-op.

The group Military Families United said in a statement that the "training exercise conducted by the Coast Guard is at the height of irresponsibility. Whomever commissioned this training exercise at the same time and less than a mile away from where the families of the 9/11 victims gathered to mourn should be held accountable. Their actions brought back all of the feelings for victims of 9/11 that they originally experienced 8 years ago today. These families have traveled from all over the country to convene at the Pentagon on this tragic anniversary and this training exercise not only caused unwarranted stress for these families but it was a distraction from the purpose of today."

Nice dream there. All the blame being put on the media sounds alot like so much ass-coverin'.

The White House spokesman said the Commander-in-Chief would not "micromanage" the Coast Guard's decision to hold the exercise, and he chastised the press -- in honor of those who died on 9/11 and the future victims of terrorrism -- telling reporters to tell themselves "We may not get this first, but we may be the first ones to get it right." Asked if 9/11 was an appropriate day for such a training exercise, Gibbs said, "I tend not to question law enforcement trying to keep the nation safe." He said media should "check before reporting" such events, and suggested other training exercises are likely going on right now that we don't know about..."

The Micromanager-in-Chief picks today to loosen up on the reigns and the media messed everything up. And, of course there's training going on that "we" don't know about. That's a good thing. That is, unless by "we" Gibbs means the President and his "team". Then that's a real concern.

• How did I miss this? Rodney King vs the police: round two

The last time Rodney King was beaten up by the police, Los Angeles experienced appalling race riots in which 53 people were killed, more than 2,000 injured, and a billion dollars-worth of damage caused by the city's outraged black community. Seventeen years, a criminal trial and a $3m legal settlement later, King has put himself back in harm's way, agreeing to go toe-to-toe with a notoriously aggressive cop through the colourful medium of celebrity boxing. America's most famous living victim of police brutality last night stepped into a ring with one Simon Aouad, who was thrown out of Philadelphia's police force because, in his own words, he "couldn't follow the rules".

You can't make this shit up. And at only $25 pay-per-view- a bargain at twice the price.

Now 43, King recently appeared in the cable TV shows, Sober House and Dr Drew's Celebrity Rehab, undergoing treatment for the alcoholism that led to his original arrest in 1991. He now claims to have been "clean" for 14 months.

Reality TV will be the end of Western Civilization. And, Rodney, knowing a few alcoholics as I do, I feel comfortable telling you that that ass whuppin' you took in LA had nothing to with alcohol. I'm thinkin' something powdery. Check the video.

Aouad, for his part, decided to fight under the nickname "The Renegade". The 31-year-old achieved fame in 2006 when he was thrown out of the police force for following a "shoot first, ask questions later" policy with regard to an intruder on his property.

A Philly cop that "shoots first..." is a renegade? Mind boggling.

• Looks like ACORN didn't know that home loans can't be used for brothels.
• Police: Male Suspect Raped Wheelchair-Bound Man

While being led into a police cruiser with a sweatshirt over his head, Parks said to reporters: "Find yourself some real crime to deal with."

And finally, something local.....

• Man with shotgun robs golfers on putting green

A man with a shotgun robbed a foursome as they were putting on a Fayette County golf course. State police said the four men were on a green at the Linden Hall course in Tyrone when a man wearing a mask and holding a shotgun approached them from the woods around 4:50 p.m. yesterday.

Masked and a shotgun and casing a golf course? Probably no drugs involved at all.

He ordered the golfers to the ground and told them to empty their pockets. He pushed one of them, sparking a struggle in which the golfer was struck on both sides of the face with the gun. The victim then gave up his money clip with about $80. Police said they later found the suspect, Cade Stevens, 25, of Dawson. He was in jail on $50,000 straight bond.

Obviously young Cade has some issues and macho man decides to take a shotgun-whipping before he gives up the money clip? Dumbass. And $50k straight bond? Holy shit.

UPDATE.... Man who robbed golfers hangs himself in jail

Obviously some issues.

We Will Not Forget

Today's Sermon

Note: The following is reprinted from the Guest Viewpoint column in the The Signal Item (September 10, 2009). It was written by Mark Hammad.

Sadly, we have become a nation of victims

Over the course of this recession, I have become alarmed at a dangerous trend. We have become a nation of victims, quick to elicit sympathy from whoever will lend an ear.

There is no shortage of news reporters and bloggers hunting for the next "victim" and the next scoop.

There seems to be no shortage of victims lately: foreclosure victims, health care victims, and consumers victimized by their own debt.

This is confusing to me, given that America is the wealthiest nation in the world and there seems to be no shortage of opportunity for those willing to work for it.

Relegating ourselves to become a nation of victims flies in the face of the personal independence and entrepreneurial spirit that this country was founded upon.

Our founding fathers had a strong sense of sovereignty, rooted in their belief that individuals should carry themselves with the same independence and freedom.

We all need to practice more personal responsibility and take steps to ensure that we carry our burden and contribute to our communities instead of siphoning from them.

All too often, victims can find comfort in our government and our elected officials, who relish in positioning themselves as champions of the weak.

Our government and our elected officials have listened and delivered, ensuring that we cannot become victims again.

The favored method is the Congressional hearing, guaranteeing our elected officials face time as champions of the new cause.

• Credit card companies charging too much- that's a Congressional hearing.
• Lead in your child's toys- a Congressional hearing.
• Plane stuck on the tarmac for nine hours- a Congressional hearing.

We do not hesitate to give our government the power to act on our behalf in situations like these, failing to realize that as consumers, we hold more power collectively to influence change in these situations than Congress does.

Consumer spending accounts for roughly 70 percent of the American economy, yet we often do not exercise our power to "vote with our pocketbooks."

If you don't like credit card companies charging you fees and interest, don't use their products; if you don't want lead in your children's toys, don't buy from manufacturers that utilize Chinese-made toys.

Our elected officials have found the perfect prescription for our "victims"- government spending. Congress has taken action to "protect" us from foreclosures, global warming, credit card companies, and are now debating protecting our health.

However, this has all come at a cost, and the one thing our elected officials at every level (federal, state, and local) have failed to protect is the taxpayer's checkbook.

Our crushing national debt and annual deficit is almost unfathomable, in the trillions of dollars and climbing. We are always quick to criticize wasteful government spending, but even quicker to feed at the same trough (i.e. Cash for Clunkers), failing to realize that our actions embolden and confirm in the minds of our elected officials that what they are doing is right.

Like any strong prescription, government spending and debt can have dreaded side effects.

We face many challenges today as a nation, and it is clear that there exist no simple solutions to complex problems and that neither Democrats nor Republicans hold the key to solving problems.

Further, it is clear that we cannot sit back and expect our elected officials to hand us a mandate or solution to our problems.

The health care debate is far from over, and no matter which side of the fence you sit on, we must recognize the burdens we are obligated to carry and the burdens we ask others to carry for us.

We need to balance how much responsibility we give to our government and how much responsibility we are willing to bear.

If we fail to live up to our responsibilities, the government will assume them for us, ensuring that they are met.

It is clear that we all need to step up and take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Is it too much to ask of one to live within their means and pay all financial obligations on is bound to?

Is it too much to ask of one to pay for an annual health screening or prescription, or do we demand that our insurance cover these costs?

Perhaps it is fitting that car insurance does not cover gas, oil changes, tires, or any other regular maintenance items. Or perhaps, it's time that we demand a Congressional hearing to mandate that car insurance companies provide for basic maintenance.

It's up to you America.

Amen Brother- IKNAB

Mental Masturbation Edition

Mental Masturbation v: The act of engaging in impractical/nonproductive mental exercise/thinkings/writings through which a practitioner only comforts oneself mentally. Such acts don't lead to any constructive results what so ever in the real world; some might even imagine oneself being transformed into superman, or simply the opposite sex, etc. In short, it's just bs/crap. ( by lionhead May 25, 2007 at Urban Dictionary)

Where did the summer go? Kids are back to school, Steelers are starting, Pens are getting ready, Pirates finishing up (oops, bad example. That coulda been Memorial Day).

I was roaming around my local Iggle the other day (god, seems like I spend a lotta time there) and they had Halloween candy out already! They get earlier every year with these holidays. I guess that means Easter must be right around the corner.

Overheard at the bus stop..."for a hundred bucks you'd think this belt would hold my pants up!"

Because I am a documented sports genius, I'll try to post my weekly picks in the work football pool (just in case you wanna grow that college fund for junior). Week 1 picks:

Cincinnati -4, New England -10 1/2, San Diego -9, Seattle -7.5, Dallas -5.5, Carolina +1

Season record: ( 0-0 ). That's perfect y'all! Or, .500. Either way, I won't see either again this season.

'Nuther Local Boy Makes Good

Kurt Angle arrested on PFA violation, possession of HGH

Pro wrestler Kurt Angle is free on bond following his arrest today on charges that he violated a protection of abuse order obtained by his girlfriend earlier in the morning. Mr. Angle, 40, of Moon, was arrested by township police around 7:50 a.m. in the parking lot of a Giant Eagle Supermarket where his girlfriend, Trenesh Biggers, had taken refuge, according to a police affidavit that supports his arrest.

Uh-oh Kurt! What have you done now?

She told police Mr. Angle, who already had abused her physically, had been stalking her from outside a Starbucks where she was using a computer to send e-mails. She said she was afraid to use her home computer because Mr. Angle lives there, the affidavit said. She called police after she again saw him circling the supermarket parking lot.

Had a PFA issued against you and already violated by 8AM?? Nice work, big guy!

After police were dispatched this morning, an officer pulled over his car on Park Manor and Robinson Town Center Drive. During the traffic stop, Mr. Angle told police he and Ms. Biggers had an altercation last night. He said Moon police removed him from his residence.

Moon police again?

He denied stalking Ms. Biggers, claiming he was looking for a hotel in which to stay since he was barred from his home.

Wasn't stalking. Big misunderstanding. After all, everyone knows hotels are hard to find in the Moon/Airport/Robinson area. Besides, maybe you just needed a Starbucks latte to calm yourself. Yeah, that would explain violatin' a PFA so early in the AM. Wouldn't it?

In addition to the PFA violation, Mr. Angle also was arraigned on charges of harassment, possession of the human growth hormone Hygetropin, and possession of a syringe to use the controlled substance, police said.

Hold your cards we have a bingo!

Police ordered his car, a Cadillac, to be towed from the scene because Mr. Angle's license is suspended in connection with a previous drunken driving arrest.

Hence the Moon PD reference above.

Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. At least you didn't go all "Pittsburgh Kid" on her. Then again, Trenesha/Rhaka Khan/Black Barbie/Naomi Banks/Panther Claw could probably kick the Kid's ass anyway. UPDATE: Kurt Angle found not guilty of violating protection order

No Offense Intended, No Apology Offered

At the outset, prayers and sympathies go out to the families affected by the LA Fitness shooting. That said, some thoughts:

1) Interesting work compiled by "DontHassleHoff".

a) 33 round magazine for a Glock bought online from the same company that the Virginia Tech shooter used.

b) Standard perv Google searches.

c) Crazygeorge.com? Really? How crazy is a guy who puts up a site devoted to how crazy he is?

d) Nice youtube vids. Like he’s trying to sell the house. Take a look at the reading material on the coffee table.

e) Looks like he had a future in selling used Saturns- “The paint is bright, shiny red. You will actually get looks from the opposite sex :-) ….” (Smiley face? Really? Douchebag.)

f) Isitnormal.com looks like a fun place.

2) Spot on piece by Tony Norman.

a) “Travis Bickle's rampage at the end of "Taxi Driver" was more about self-redemption and saving Iris than an immersion in violence for its own sake. That's where he and George Sodini part company. Despite a well-paying job and a comfortable home, Mr. Sodini was a whiny nihilist who couldn't be bothered with defining a purpose for his life, even if horribly misguided. If his online diary is to be believed, he wallowed in self-pity because it was the path of least resistance:”

b) “Many of us have even joked about social misfits who we say wouldn't surprise us if they came into work, school or church one day and shot the place up. Obviously, it isn't always the person who mutters in the corner or picks fights who generates newspaper headlines. Sometimes the unassuming systems analyst who just got a raise at a major Downtown law firm will be the culprit.”

3) georgesodini.com I know I've read a more pathetic piece of tripe in my life, I just can't remember when. Not to be picky, but don't they give out dictionaries or teach spellcheck at systems analyst school? And, what's with the text hidden in the source code? I'm sure that there will be those playing the "he-was-crying-out-for attention, poor-man" card. "If she would only be my girlfriend", waaa waaa.

4) Imagine all the free pub for R. Don Steele and the Tetelestai Church.

5) Naturally, a Bill Gates connection.

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BOTTOM LINE - To paraphrase "Dr" Leary, life sucks. Hard. Out loud. Hopefully, part of growing into adulthood involves learning that life isn't all unicorns farting rainbows. So, how does one make it without breaking out the artillery? That's up to you. Pray. Drink. Pills. Pot. Whatever it takes for you to take responsibility for you.

Believe it or not, there are no unique people left. In one form another, everybody has trouble at home. Everybody's job sucks from time to time. And believe it or not, even you don't get laid as much as you'd like. (Proof? Given the choice, I know you'd rather be gettin' hot and sweaty instead of reading this. It's ok. Believe me, typing isn't my first choice right now.)

Here's the thing though- when things have bottomed, why take out a room full of people before whacking yourself? More importantly, why start firing on unarmeds in the dark? Why? You probably would have a more positive effect on the herd by thinning it by one (that's you) rather than taking out productives. Problem is your a coward. I don't know if it's the cause or effect (I don't have enough letters after my name for that answer) but you're a coward.

Next time you get the urge to cash in your chips in a blaze of glory, maybe try to take out someone who's equally armed. In the daylight. Face to face. Maybe thats the answer.... bring back duels.

Or maybe not.

Random Randomness

Russian fans told Welsh whisky will ward off flu Aug 3, 1:31 pm EDT MOSCOW (AP)—Russian soccer fans heading to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifier are urged to take precautions to ward off swine flu: Drink Welsh whiskey

“Welsh whisky is on offer to Russian supporters as a disinfectant,” Alexander Shprygin, head of the national team’s fan club, said Monday. “This will relieve any symptoms.”

Russia’s top doctor advised the country’s citizens to avoid traveling to Britain, but “nothing will stop the Russian fans,” Shprygin said.

Britain’s Health Protection Agency has said the number of new swine flu cases reached 110,000 in the last week of July. Fifty-five swine flu cases have been confirmed in Russia.

Hundreds of Russian fans are expected to travel to Cardiff for the Sept. 9 qualifier. Russia is in second place with 15 points in Group 4 of European qualifying for the World Cup in South Africa next year, a point behind Germany. Wales is fourth with nine points.

The Tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect. Tigers' compelling dynamism, intense activity, independence and curiosity about others make them irresistible, persons of multiple charms; Tigers attract followers and admirers. The Tiger has a regal quality and is courageous, active and self-assured; he makes an excellent leader and protector. Known for determination and charisma, the Tiger aims high and pursues goals with vigor, passion and daring. However liberal-minded Tigers may be, they are rash and resist the authority of others. Although they are selfish in the little things, they are capable of great generosity, even of altruism, in the larger. Tigers are men and women of action, thrust by destiny into the spotlight.

Tigers are fearless creatures in as much as they blind themselves to dangers and impetuously rush in where more cautious individuals would fear to tred. Outspoken in the face of injustice, their strong humanitarian instincts will not allow them to pass by if they see a wrong perpetrated upon another. They have a disdain for security and make a religion of change.

Tigers tend to renounce confining traditional roles, opting for a more unfettered life. With a wide ranging mind, they can adopt any number of careers. Their many experiences serve to enrich their life and add depth to their nature. Material benefits matter little to them. Tigers have an inborn magnetic personality that attracts people to them like bees to honey. Warm-hearted, sociable and friendly, they are characterised by their frank, honest and open approach. Their immense kindness and generosity will always shine through except when crossed or backed into a corner, for then they can become vehement and ferocious.

Solitude is often the price Tigers pay for their position of authority, but they become accustomed to it. Better still, they draw on the experience, gaining new energies and great strength. However, this loner attitude and pride can sometimes prevent the Tiger from seeking other people's assistance when faced with an endeavor that calls for someone else's resources and talents.

Chinese say the life of a Tiger born at night will be less hectic than that of Tigers born after dawn and above all, those born around midday. It will be a stormy life full of dangers, but the Tiger will never be bored. Neither Night Tiger nor Day Tiger will have an easy life. The Western term for a particularly fierce woman is "dragon lady," but the Chinese call her an "old tiger lady." She has many expectations of her partners which can cause difficulties; she wants to dominate relationships because of her independent nature and desire to rule. A female Tiger won't submit willingly to the Confucian ideal of womanhood, which dictates that a daughter obey her father, a wife obey her husband, and an older woman obey her eldest son. For this reason some Chinese avoid having children in the Tiger Year -- for fear of having a daughter.

The lucky Tiger represents the greatest power on earth, and is the emblem of protection for human life. A Tiger in the house minimizes the Three Great Risks -- thieves, fire, and evil spirits. If there are two Tigers in the house, however, one of them has to go!

The Sexy Tiger Tigers make ardent and virile lovers who dominate their partners. Because of their sensuality, their impetuousness and love of adventure, there is an excitement that not only follows Tigers wherever they go, but also guarantees them a certain irrestible sexy allure. These creatures whose emotions are out-front have strong libidos and are lusty in their passions. Generally flirtatious, they are especially prone to wild flings in their early years but do settle down as they get older. When committed to a happy and fulfilling relationship, Tigers make loving and caring partners, warm-hearted and generous. They don't, however, lose that romantic streak nor that exciting ability to surprise.

Encounters with the Horse and the Dragon will be especially interesting. Tigers will feel a definite affinity with the Dog and Boar but should avoid the Rabbit who could be too conservative or weak for him. The Monkey may be one of the worst possible mates for him, competing with him and refusing to compromise. Above all, beware of the Ox, who is stronger than the Tiger and will keep on attacking him until he is destroyed. If there is a Tiger and an Ox under the same roof the Tiger will have to quit before he is annihilated.

March is the month of the Tiger. The time of the Tiger is from 3:00 a.m. to 4:59 a.m.; their direction of orientation is east-northeast. The Tiger's color is green.

I aint sayin', I'm just sayin'