That Whole Falling into the Ocean Thing is Way Overdue

This clip is a little old but I'm pretty sure it still explains what's wrong in California. Why don't I think this young lady is an isolated case? (Perfect pesticide, anyone?) Methinks she's into some farming of her own (it's medicinal ya'know.) Nice touch at 1:20- a little shout out to the East Coast Made-in-China Slave Owners. < I honestly think I'm a little dumber just for hearing this nitwit. My brain hurts. I need a nap.

The Apocalypse is Upon Us

Yesterday, over at Ngewo's Dirty Little Mind, Josh put up a "review" of Ancient Astronauts on the History Channel. I also watched the show and I was, frankly, concerned that perhaps I was watching a different show than he (how did he manage to misinterpret all of the obvious conclusions?):

1. I was worried that maybe he was using all of his big-brained PSU math-skills in an attempt to obfuscate the fact that the Atlanteans knew that limestone is a much better pyramid-ing material than the best plasti-adobe found on Xylon-Gamma 4.
2. I was very troubled that, apparently, the Mayans were "nut jobs" because of depictions of a god pedalling a spaceship.
3. But, I was most taken aback by the fact that my learned associate from the east, he of the trips to the pyramids, the fantasizer of winged goddesses, the one who knows first-hand that no run-of-the-mill deity can save you and and your Yaris from a protective mama bear would quote any "bible" that mentions anyone named Ezekiel or Enoch while completely ignoring the prophet von Däniken.

As I was mulling all this over, and questioning all that I believe because of the use of so-called "facts" to confuse me, it became clear that he must be acting in concert with some deep-cover alien cell waiting for the return of the mother ship. Creating a subterfuge, as it were, to conceal the existence of "visitors". How else to explain this piece of other-worldly goodness I first found in one of his posts and then, subsequently, was emailed to me:

This can only mean one of two things:

1. The end of the world is indeed upon us, or
2. Rick Astley's pedalling on back to town and he's pissed.

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On a totally unrelated note (does best Rod Serling/Twilight Zone impression) submitted for your approval.....

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

The Eighties are Coming! The Eighties are Coming!

It seems the Iggle has taken another step in trying to drag the region kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

Another Pittsburgh-Area Giant Eagle Wants To Sell Beer (WPXI) NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. -- Yet another Pittsburgh-area Giant Eagle is pushing for beer sales at its store in New Kensington. Officials have confirmed that they are attempting to transfer a liquor license from outside the city. A public hearing is scheduled for Aug. 10 in the matter. The Giant Eagle in Allegheny Township has already applied for liquor license transfers. In both cases, beer would be sold inside the store's café, not the regular checkout lines. Other Giant Eagle stores applying for liquor licenses include Pin Township, Robinson Township, West View and Monroeville.

And, of course,

However, some in the alcohol business are already opposing the plan.

Could it be? Soon we can get a sixer with our Isaly's Chipped Ham 'n nat?

Naturally , beer sales will be limited to separate cafe areas, with prepared foods for on-site consumption and limited to 2 six packs to go. But its a start.

Naturally, the old arguments are back (from munhallnewswatch.com):

• "I'd be afraid of the prices because you can go to a little neighborhood bar and get a decent price where Giant Eagle, they're not into it for the neighbors," says Ziggy Zelena of Munhall. "They're into it to make money."

Gotta find out where the Zigster drinks. Sounds like he was probably slumped over an Old German draft and a shot of Imperial. Hey Ziggy- if your bar's managed to stay open without worryin' about making money, they'll be just fine.

• "It will hurt very much," says small business manager Isolina Varrasso of Capri Pizza, which also operates a bar. At Capri Pizza, the sale of six-packs at Giant Eagle will hurt sales but opponents say the best reason for the state ICB to turn down Giant Eagle is greater access for underage purchases."I think it will be very easier for them to buy beer as a younger kid," says Varrassa, "and a lot of kids these days they look way older."

This is the funniest argument. The clerks at Giant Eagle, Sheetz, 7 Eleven, etc. already do more "carding" than most bars. Hell, I was at my local Iggle the other day (god, I spend alot of time there) and a guy got carded for pipe cleaners!

• The Malt Beverage Distributors Association is challenging each license transfer to go before the LCB. Mary Lou Hogan, executive secretary and counsel for the Philadelphia-based distributors association, said grocery chains are stripping away beer sales from neighborhood businesses that only can sell it by the case or keg, without having to follow the same rules such as limits on hours.

I have to wonder just how much case and keg sales would be affected by a place that sells six-packs. Oh, wait a minute, it's happening now! Those places are called BARS. Think about it. How many bars are currently coexisting with distributors now?

• Peggy Alston worries sales will fall at her family’s Pike Beverage Outlet, a distributorship about two miles from Giant Eagle’s Settlers Ridge site. “I’m not allowed to sell flowers or groceries or baked goods for extra income, but Sheetz and then Wegmans and now Giant Eagle can get licenses to sell beer,” she said. “It’s another slap in the face for small businesses, and for the customers it will mean limited choice and service.”

Probably my favorite argument : "... another slap in the face for small business." I have to wonder how many "small businessmen" are so bound by their principles that the stopped eating bread when Jenny Lee closed? Or, stopped buying music when National Record Mart shut down? Hell, Peggy probably has a pantry full of Wal-Mart and Sam's labels herself. Principle is a great thing until hypocrisy is the easier path.

The bottom line is this: Pennsylvania will eventually move into the New Millenium. Those businesses that can adapt will survive those who can't won't. (Sounds kinda survival of the fittest to me). It's called a Market Economy folks.

And being able to have a beer with your pot pie in the Giant Eagle cafe while your spouse does the hunting and gathering for the week isn't gonna lead to the fall of the Commonwealth.

Just make sure you don't have that one too many and you find yourself at home watchin' rasslin with this guy:

(in the) Sacked?

• There's no way I can cover this any better than Macyapper. I don't generally agree with Mr. McIntire on many things, but he's spot on with this. First he's right on Cyril Wecht and now Big Ben? I may have some rethinking to do.
• For some really exciting reading, read the Civil Complaint (pdf) from the PG.
• I do think the Bens enjoyed a little romp in that room. I do think it was consensual. I do think Ms. Executive Casino Host lady is gonna get paid.
• I don't think this was a Bettis-like situation (after all, we're talkin Lake Tahoe, Nevada not LAYtrobe, Yinzervania.). I don't think Ben takes a hit in the eyes of Stiller Nation. I don't this lasts in the media past the day before training camp starts.

But, what do I know?

Today's episode- "Bring on the G20" or "Puttin' on the Ritz"

Today, I got to take part in a community improvement project in the Knoxville neighborhood. I was, as was about 35-40 similarly situated individuals, "invited" to participate by the good folks at the Allegheny County Adult Probation Office because of gross knuckleheadedness on my part from a couple of years ago. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Some observations...

1. This bit of, what they call in judicial parlance, "community service" involved walking the Bausman St., Knox Ave., Brownsville Rd areas picking up debris from the streets. (For the record, I neither live in Knoxville nor is it the community where I committed my acts against the state but that might be a rant for later.) I've gotta say, judging from the butts in the street, Newports are waaaaaay more popular than ashtrays.
2. The locals must have had a great 4th. Plenty of fireworks schrapnel everywhere.
3. Stuff must be cheap in the neighborhood. Examples: bag of ammo found, plenty of not-quite-so empty stamp bags in the street. (Must not be good to the last drop y'all ). To be fair, though, no needles.
4. Plenty of dog lovers around. Lovers of BIG dogs.
5. The piece-of-shit Porsche with the Cali plates and the tree trimmings in the backseat was a nice touch.
6. Residents must be happy about Verizon coming to the city. Lots of satellite dishes on the houses.
7. Apparently, these pickup parties are a monthly happening. The community guy that was there was taking lots of pics to show the community that someone is trying to clean up the area. Couple of more cleanups and the Boy Mayor will be able to bring in the G20 tour. The view from Mt. Washington's gettin' old anyway.
8. More than a few SUVs idling with folks countin' cash. Must be counting confirmation money to take to the bank. Or not.
9. It was nice to hear thank yous from from some of the residents on the porch or driving by. Was it a coincidence that the thank yous came from those with the least amount of debris at there curb? Probably. Conversely, seemed like most of the wary looks and the calls of "don't forget this end of the street" came from those with the most overgrown mini-junkyards.
10. I might have to rethink my postion on what's goin on in Sheraden.

I Ain't Sayin- Talking Heads Greatest Hits Edition

Watch out. You might get what you're after Cool babies. Strange but not a stranger Im an ordinary guy. Burning down the house

Hold tight. Wait till the party's over Hold tight. We're in for nasty weather There has got to be a way. Burning down the house

Burning Down The House -- Talking Heads

It is said that those who play with matches are likely to wet their beds. If that's true, someone in Sheraden must be sleeping soaked. From the PG:

A suspicious fire destroyed a vacant house in Sheraden and damaged an adjacent home early today. The fire, the ninth reported in that neighborhood since last month, was reported at 2:12 a.m. in the 3000 block of Merwyn.

9 FIRES SINCE LAST MONTH??? WTF??? How's the old saying go? Fool me once shame on you, er I mean light one house on fire shame on you, light 9 houses on fire shame on WHO THE FUCK'S IN CHARGE 'ROUND HERE?

I gotta say, first, I don't live in the city and were it not for some shenanigans when I was young, I couldn't find Merwyn Street/Avenue on a globe. Second, I have no rooting interest in the stability of real estate values in Sheraden. That said, 9 fires is mind-boggling and should piss everybody off.

The fire appeared to have started on the back porch of 3014 Merwyn and spread to 3012, Pittsburgh Fire Chief Darryl Jones said. Arson investigators were at the scene this morning. The 3014 address was being renovated and was unoccupied, and five people -- three adults and two children -- escaped unharmed from 3012. No injuries were reported in any of the nine fires, Chief Jones said. "We are going to do the best we can to nip this problem before someone gets hurt," he said.

"...do the best we can..... before someone gets hurt"??? Seriously Chief, ya think? I probably wouldn't play the Powerball anytime soon were I you. Methinks you've just about used up all of your luck.

I ain't sayin.

Speaking of Chief Jones, please to watch this clip (pop quiz to follow)...

1. Does the Chief normally where his Sunday-go-to-Parade clothes to every fire scene, or just the ones where there's a dog & pony show for the media?
2. Housekeeping? Really?
3. "As with most of the fires, I was alerted by a caller" Does Councilwoman Smith see any problem with that statement?
4. "We had a meeting with residents a week ago..." How'd that work out for you?
5. Blockwatch and clean-up is as "aggressive as we can be" ? Really? Huh.

I ain't sayin.

He called the Sheraden fires the public safety department's "top priority."

Seems to me that if a street in Shadyside was undergoing this kind of "Urban Renewal", the Public Safety Department's top priority response wouldn't be watchful neighbors and trash bags.

Maybe what Sheraden needs is it's own camera-totin busybody like the Hoagie. Maybe if he came around trespassing on everyone's property, he might be able to snap a picture of the firebug. Or at least, grab a bag and be useful.

I ain't sayin, I'm just sayin.

Frisky Friday

Meet former University of Tennessee quarterback Jim Bob Cooter. Seems ol' Jim Bob was out late last Friday night and maybe it was nappy time (WBIR.com):

Former UT quarterback Jim Bob Cooter was arrested Friday night, on an aggravated burglary charge. Police found him in a bed. Knoxville Police were called to a home on Franklin Station Way, in the Fort Sanders area. When officers arrived, they heard the caller screaming. They burst into the home, and saw the woman running out of her bedroom, screaming that a burglar was in her room. Inside, they said they found former UT quarterback Jim Bob Cooter in the woman's bed. Officers said Cooter admitted he didn't live there but refused to answer other questions. He's held on $10,000 bond.

Though Cooter didn't want to talk, his cousin Elizabeth was happy to clear up questions on the WBIR.com message board-

ElizabethStout wrote: This has been such a HUGE mistake! Jim Bob is my cousin. "C00ter" is my mother's maiden name. She took some grief over it in college - didn't make her a lesser person, like you people writing these awful comments. Jim Bob is A BRILLIANT guy (ACT score:34 - what'd you make) who chose sports instead of medicine, which he easily could have done instead. He was going to the apartment of a friend where he had stayed a hundred times over the years. He had no idea his friend had sublet the apartment. You people make me sick. Get your facts right. 7/1/2009 8:01 PM EDT on WBIR.com

Sounds like Jim Bob may have climbed through Cousin Lizzie's window a time or two, maybe for a little "let's play doctor". All's well in Hazzard County.

From thesmokinggun.com

Chips And Dip Cops: Prostitute, Frito-Lay worker agreed on exchange of oral treats JUNE 24--Meet Lahoma Sue Smith. The Oklahoma woman, 36, copped a plea last week to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to the below Oklahoma City Police Department report, john Faron Johnson told cops that he informed Smith that he did not have any money, but that she "agreed to give him a 'blow job' meaning oral sex, for a box of chips." Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30. Following her February arrest, Smith, pictured in the mug shot at right, told police that she had a few prior prostitution busts. At her sentencing last week, Smith was ordered to pay a $1142 fine.

First of all, great title from the guys at Smoking Gun. Secondly, this guy gotta be a real charmer to be out cruisin' hookers with no cash. And, wonder if the local Quickie Mart had Frito's Buy One Get One Free- that's 2 fer 1 BJs y'all!!

Smoking Gun again...

In The Driver's Seat Minnesota pair busted after getting busy behind the wheel JULY 2--Responding Tuesday evening to a report of "people having intercourse" in a mall parking lot, cops in Fergus Falls, Minnesota were en route to the crime scene when they noticed suspicious activity in a vehicle traveling towards them. "I noticed that there was a passenger in the vehicle and she appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," Officer Andrew Renner noted in a police report. When cops pulled over the vehicle, driver Matthew Milligan, 22, reeked of booze and his "pants were not on completely." Milligan was charged with drunk driving after he failed a series of field sobriety tests and a Breathalyzer test showed his blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit. Milligan's partner, Nikie Rae Johnson, 21, was also intoxicated, cops reported. But she was only cited for not wearing a seat belt. Which is, of course, understandable considering all that bouncing up and down. Milligan is pictured below in an Otter Tail County Sheriff's Office mug shot. Johnson's photo, snapped in a car, is from an online profile in which her interests are said to include, "Having good times!!PartyIN-Dancing-& just loVin liFe**:)."

For today's Final Jeopardy... the category is "Big Cities in Otter Tail County, Minnesota"

Tuesday nights must rock in Fergus Falls if Andy and Barney were both on duty. Seriously, Fergus Falls has more than 1 cop and a mall? And, too bad these kids weren't in Oklahoma, where apparently you don't need booze to get laid, just Fritos.

Marion to Hawks- 12yrs, $62.8 M

Right Winger Marion Cunningham signed a 12 year, $62.8 million contract with the Chicago Blackhawks today.

Marion left the Penguins for the Detroit Red Wings, after losing to the Red Wings in last year's Stanley Cup finals, because the Wings were the best shot at a championship ring.

After scoring a team-leading 12 playoff goals for Pittsburgh in 2008, Marion was virtually invisible for the Red Wings this year, against those same Penguins, in their 4-3 series loss to Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup finals.

(er, what? That's Marian Hossa not Marion Cunningham? Both played about the same, right?)