......M-O-U-S-E!!

Ben-a-palooza????   OMFG!!!!

So, I'm a two-time, two-time, TWO-TIME Super Bowl winning quarterback. While I may not have more money than God, I have more money than I can possibly spend in five lifetimes. While it's commonly held that I'm a total jackass (their word, not mine) in public, as long as I'm the starting QB for da Pixburg Stillers I pretty much can do no wrong.

So, what do I do to celebrate my 28th birthday? I hook-up my whole crew gang 50's tv cast posse with matching t-shirts (dude, we da bomb, yo!), pile 'em all on to the palooza party liner bus, and road-trip it to Hazzard County. Yep- me, Big Cat, Ez, Coop-A-Loop and the rest of the fellas headin' down the road on a booze bus just like adults do and then........

And then, just when you think this whole story can't get any funnier (and by funnier I surely mean more pathetic) we get a look at this....

Ninja Ben Seven-san

Remember, for up to the minute news:   Sid the Kid= Sports Illustrated,   Big Ben= TMZ

                  

                  

Beware the Fifteenth Day of the Third Month

Don't DoThe Crime If You Can't Do The Time

Or in Texas, 30 days same as cash...

Public can comment on proposal to reduce fines

EL PASO -- Low-income drivers caught driving drunk or without a license may get a break in paying their fines.


The Texas Department of Public Safety is now taking public comment on a proposal that would reduce the fines for people living near or below the federal poverty line if they're convicted of a Class C misdemeanor.


That type of offense includes driving without insurance, driving without a valid license and driving while intoxicated.

and...

"We all make mistakes and if you get caught driving without insurance you should pay a fine, but it shouldn't take your life savings," said Lower Valley resident Jesús Alvarez, who said he struggles to make ends meet. "Besides, if you take away our licenses we can't get to work. How are we supposed to make a living?"

(sniffle...sniffle) Boo Effin' Hoo (sniffle...sniffle)

The proposed changes would:

Reduce the fine for driving without insurance from $250 per year for three years to a one-time payment of $250.

Reduce the fine for driving without a valid license from $100 per year for three years to a one-time payment of $150.

Reduce the fine for driving while intoxicated from anywhere between $1,000 to $2,000 per year for three years to a one-time payment of $500.

Hope. Change. Texas-style.

Ben,Ben,Ben

With apologies to CSNY...

• From Macyapper 
• The PDF

Where have I read this before??????

Seriously, not to spend a lot of time on this:

• Guilty or innocent, at what point do you quit putting yourself in these situations? Face it, big guy, your an effing target. Perhaps a little more acting like a grown-up and a little less Girls-Gone-Wild. You're getting a little bit old for this dontcha think?
• Why do I get no comfort from hiring Ed Garland to defend? Apparently, a very good attorney, but with a client list that includes Ray Lewis, Jamal Lewis and PacMan Jones, just doesn't look good, knowwhatImean? Don't get me wrong, if Jim Ecker's not available you might as well go for Andy Griffith.
• At what point did Greensboro, Ga become a summer vacation spot? Mayberry must have been all booked up. 
• With March Madness coming up, it's the time of year when the little schools, that you don't usually hear about, get a shot at the national spotlight. But seriously.....Georgia College & State University?

Not to be critical.

(h/t PSAMP)

I've been wandering around in my mind, for the last week or so, trying to decide whether or not the obsession I'm feeling about Hizzoner Boy Mayor Where's Waldo?'s handling of our recent inclemency is worth all the headaches.

I mean, hell, I don't live or work in the city. I wasn't affected in any way by the antics and missteps of the Birthday Boy and his posse. Before the snow started to fall, I'd never heard of Curtis Mitchell. And, there's a loooong time to forget stuff before the next election. As I've said- as long as Lukey has "D-Norside" after his name, lemmings will be lemmings.

Then, I read this piece at Infinonymous and I think I'm starting to accept.......this city is screwed.

(Sensing a theme)

• Switzerland company offers young boys extra-small condom, the Hotshot
  

  A Switzerland-based company is manufacturing extra-small condoms for the 12- to 14-year-old set.

  WTF?
  
  

  The Hotshot measures 1.7 inches in diameter (as opposed to 2 inches found with regular ones), and 7.4 inches in length.

  Go ahead, get the jokes out of your system. We'll wait.
  
  

• (CA State)Senator Roy Ashburn arrested on DUI charges

 Sources told the CBS affiliate KOVR in Sacramento Ashburn was seen leaving Faces, a gay nightclub in midtown Sacramento.

According to Project Vote Smart, Ashburn's voting record shows he has voted against every gay rights measure in the State Senate since taking office including Recognizing Out-Of-State Same-Sex Marriages, Harvey Milk Day and Expanding Anti-Discrimination Laws.

Hypocrite douchebag.

• And from the "Karn Evil 9" file: Roethlisberger accused of sexual assault
 

It might be time for Benny to trade in the "7" for a bullseye. Twice in a year or so? Not a good pattern. "The show that never ends" indeed. 

Maybe it's just me.

RIP

Nude Snow Woman

MYFOXNY.COM - Police told a Rahway, New Jersey family to cover their nude snow woman after an anonymous complaint.

The snow woman melted as the temperatures warmed up this week.

PC snowmen? I'll bet the neighbors would be blast at the Carnegie.

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

A Snowy Tale of Two Cities, Part One

Latest in a series

 

D.C. hospital fires 11 nurses, 5 staffers for snowstorm absence

The District's largest private hospital has fired 11 nurses and five support staff members who failed to make it to work during the back-to-back snowstorms that paralyzed the region earlier this month.  

"Sadly, we did experience some issue with associates who did not show the same commitment as most of their co-workers to the community, our patients and their fellow associates. They are the few who turned away from their scheduled shifts and who tried -- and are still trying -- to turn the focus on themselves rather than the thousands of Washington Hospital Center workers who fulfilled their commitment to their patients and colleagues, and made it to work," (hospital President Harry J. Rider) wrote.

Pittsburgh EMS workers may be punished

 Pittsburgh Emergency Medical Service workers could face discipline for a series of errors that led to a Hazelwood man's death during the snowstorms, Public Safety Director Michael Huss said Wednesday.

 City officials declined to discuss specifics, except to say they were reviewing possible disciplinary action. The city asked the Allegheny County Health Department to investigate what happened during the Feb. 5-6 snowstorm, and Huss spent yesterday listening to phone calls connected with the death of Curtis Mitchell, 50, of Chaplain Way.

And Rob Kaczorowski as The Beaver

Latest in a series...

Director of Public Works

The Director

Next in a series...

Mayor Ravenstahl Names Fire Chief, Mike Huss, Director of Public Safety

“I have selected a Director of Public Safety who is an accomplished and respected leader in the field of fire safety and emergency management on the city and county level,” said Mayor Ravenstahl. “Chief Huss brings an impeccable record of service, accomplishment, leadership (not counting liquored up firemen stealing vehicles at the casino, or liquored up firemen kicking in citizen's doors, or liquored up firemen playing bumper cars with "white residue" on their CD's) and integrity to the challenges  that face our City. I’m confident he will serve the residents of the City of Pittsburgh well. Chief Huss has been and will continue to be instrumental in achieving my goal to make Pittsburgh one of America’s safest cities.”

As Johnstown's Emergency Management Coordinator, he was responsible for all activities of the agency, including mitigation, preparedness, response and recovery and served as the City Managers Chief of Staff during emergencies (and by emergencies we mean floods, obviously.).

He is experienced in collective bargaining negotiating, preparation and administration of operating and capital budgets, strategic planning, testing, training and disciplining of department personnel. (And, for your information, meter maids Parking Enforcement Officers aren't trained to use a snow shovel in Johnstahn either.)

Hizzoner

Second in a series...

About Mayor Luke Ravenstahl   

Luke Ravenstahl became the 59th Mayor of the City of Pittsburgh on September 1, 2006, upon the untimely death of Mayor Bob O'Connor. At the time he was just 26 years old. Ravenstahl's ascent to the top of Pittsburgh government began in 2003 when he became the youngest member ever elected to Pittsburgh City Council. After serving only two years on council Ravenstahl was unanimously voted in as City Council President, a post he held for only 8 months before being sworn in as Mayor O'Connor's successor. Ravenstahl was officially elected Mayor of the City of Pittsburgh, "America's Most Livable City," in a special election in November of 2007. The 29-year-old Pittsburgh native still holds the distinction of being the youngest mayor of any major U.S. city.

Snowmageddon '10

First in a series...

Pittsburgh Emergency Medical Services

Pittsburgh EMS is dedicated to bringing compassionate, life-saving emergency medical care to our streets, our homes and our workplaces -- to the very hearts of our residents and visitors -- thus making Pittsburgh a safer and healthier place to live. (Weather permitting).

However, no honor is more significant than the sincere words of thanks and praise we receive from our patients for helping them in their time of need.(As long as they can walk to us).

With over 175 Paramedics, responding nearly 55,000 times each year, Pittsburgh EMS provides a wide range of services including Advanced Life Support prehospital care, medically directed Technical Rescue from a wide variety of accidents and entrapments (as long as the snow's not too deep), River Rescue, ALS coverage at special community events, community education in CPR/AED, and much more (including giving rides to the hospital, if it's not difficult).

Mysteries. Solved

2 Down, 2 To Go

• Just for giggles, substitute "Pittsburgh" every time you hear "Washington".
• Fun, huh?
• Well, if crime's gonna drop, maybe the snow's O.K.
• Have no fear- as long as Hizzoner Boy Mayor Lukey Steelerstahl has "D-North Side" after his name, it'll take alot more than a little Snowmaggedon to get rid of him. Remember, come election time, lemmings will be lemmings.
• Thank (insert deity of choice here) for the suburbs.

Let Me Say This About That

Phil Perri, who has a construction business, uses his mini front loader to dig out his neighbors in Lawrenceville. "Thank God for Phil. He's the greatest," says Mary Ann Paddle, shoveling at right.

• So, again I ask... Is there any service that the government can provide better and more efficiently than the private sector? Answers anyone? Anyone?
• The whole Northeast under snow. Hundreds of thousands without power. Wonder what Pat Robertson has to say about this.
• Overheard at the local Iggle (which was running on generator power)- "... we had everything to make chili, but we had to come out for sour cream."
• Is it just me, or do mall parking lots never get snowed upon? Or is it that, since they know that they are open to lawsuits, they don't have the luxury of the don't-care-itude the municipalities exhibit. Seems like no matter what mall, the roads to the lots are treacherous but the parking lots are bone dry.
• A Canadian company has begun selling a novelty golf ball set that features cartoon likenesses of Tiger Woods' alleged mistresses. Naturally, feminist busybody attorney Gloria Allred is peeved and wants production of the golf balls to end
  
  
  Attorney Gloria Allred is representing one of those women -- former adult film actress Veronica Siwik-Daniels (aka Joslyn James) -- who claims to have had a long-term intimate relationship with golf icon Tiger Woods. Allred and Siwik-Daniels are calling for the end of the production of golf balls bearing an image of Siwik. Allred argues that putting the face of a woman on a ball which golfers hit with full force could result in marks on the image that might resemble bruises and may lead to inappropriate jokes about hitting women.
   
    Two things occur to me. First, I'm sure that there is indeed an inappropriate joke involving the faces of the alleged mistresses and Tiger's balls in there somewhere and I'm sure it doesn't involve hitting women. Second, for some good inappropriate fun Gloria should check this out.
• A 13 year old from Delaware has given a verbal commitment to play quarterback at USC in 2015. That's it, College Football has officially lost it's mind.
  

"He's already six feet as a 13-year old," (personal quarterback coach) Clarkson said. "And he's breaking down NFL footage"

The younger Sills, who is an seventh-grader at Red Lion Christian Academy in Bear, Del., has been training with Clarkson for three years. They meet about once every six weeks at various locations around the country. Sometimes in California, where Clarkson is based. Sometimes in Delaware. And sometimes somewhere in the middle, if Clarkson is conducting a clinic.

               I hope I'm wrong, but, I can't help but think of Todd Marinovich.
         
*****************************
Again, I hope I'm wrong..... Indy minus the points.

Only The Good Die Young

Read the whole sad story here.

RIP

Warren King

If PETA Sees Its Shadow...

In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre PETA, 'Au revoir, gopher groundhog'.  

(Andy Dick and PETA in the same week, again? I sense a pattern.)

Animal rights group: Replace Punxsutawney Phil with robot

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each Feb. 2 in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model

But William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania." The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture.

Obviously, Deeley could have chosen his words a little better but hey PETA, I think Phil will be just fine. I mean it's not like he's treated like a school free-luncher after all.

$12,245,872,000,000

From Yahoo Finance via Drudge:

Just a few scattered thoughts on a shitty Sunday.......

• From the "Just (insert deity of choice here) Thinnin' the Herd" file: France alarmed over anthrax-tainted heroin in Europe 

The French health ministry issued a warning on Tuesday after eight people died and seven fell sick in two European countries from using heroin contaminated by anthrax. "Since December 6, there have been 15 confirmed cases of anthrax among heroin users, 14 in Scotland and one in Germany," the ministry's General Directorate for Health (DGS) said in a statement.
"Eight people died," it said. "The likeliest source is heroin contaminated by anthrax spores." 

First hepatitis, then AIDS, now anthrax and they still wanna ride the white horse? Just
thinnin' the herd.

• From the "Nobody Was Ever More Aptly Named" file: Andy Dick charged with felony, shows still on 
  
  

Dick was taken into custody around 4 a.m. after two men accused Dick of groping them at Rum Runners, at 819 3rd Ave. According to a press release issued at 12:26 p.m. Saturday from the Huntington Police Department, officers responded to a call to investigate “two alleged incidents of a patron engaging in non-consensual sexual contact with a bar employee and another patron.”

and

Actor & Entertainer Andy Dick Arrested in Huntington

The incident happened at Rum Runners on 3rd Avenue in Huntington.
According to the criminal complaint, a security guard at the club claims he was trying to put an armband on Dick when he became the victim of sexual abuse. The guard says Dick grabbed his crotch and began laughing.

Another man says that Dick sexually abused him. The man says he was talking to Dick when, "unexpectedly and without invitation," Dick "grabbed his crotch and began kissing him." This was witnessed by the victim’s girlfriend.

Now, I have opined in the past about Mr. Dick. I really believe he's a certifiable whackjob who should probably be locked away in a rehab somewhere. But, with that said, a couple of things strike me as particularly troubling. First- I've never been Huntington WV. and I know nothing about Rum Runners, but, unless there's Broadway showtunes on the jukebox and they have drink specials on "Sword Fight Nights" (and there is nothing wrong with that), this is a sad commentary on the state of bar bouncers in the Wild and Wonderful State. I mean, this little douchebag grabs the bouncer's package and LAUGHS and they call the cops!!?? Where's the redneck beatdown for chrissakes? And then, he grabs another dude's junk and KISSES him in front of dude's girlfriend?? And dude says he was sexually abused? WTF?? Unfortunately, I think the more likely scenario involves Bo and Luke Duke here picturing some kind of payday(because Andy is such a big star). And, I can only guess that the only reason everybody gets paid is because they're all in on the gag. And why? Like I've said - reality tv will be the death of Western Civilization. Just sayin'.

---------------------------------------------------

To touch on the football games: yay New Orleans, yay Indianapolis. Yay the end of the Mark Sanchez/Joe Namath references, yay maybe Brett finally goes and lays down. The Mirage has Indy at -3 1/2. Bring on the prop bets.

Brought To You Today By The Letter D

                                                                                            Haiti

Death. Destruction

Holy Shit!!!

No room for snarky smartass-edness here. This is serious stuff. Just some info to pass:

• From Neal Boortz:

American Red Cross
I put this organization at the top of the list. My wife, Donna, is a life member of the Red Cross Tiffany Circle Society of Women Leaders. The American Red Cross' primary focus during the initial response of an emergency is feeding, sheltering and supplying any other basic needs. To donate: Go to RedCross.org, hit donate now button at top and then International Response Fund. You also can text "Haiti" to 90999 to donate $10 to the International Response Fund. The money will go directly to relief efforts in Haiti. Or call 1-800-Red-Cross.

AmeriCares
This nonprofit disaster relief organization delivers medicine, medical supplies and aid to people in crisis around the world. To donate, call 1-800-486-HELP or go to AmeriCares.org. Donations will go toward medicine and medical supplies and for expenses for providing that medical aid.

Care
This humanitarian organization's main focus is to fight global poverty, specifically by empowering marginalized women and girls. To donate to the Haiti relief fund effort, go to Care.org or call 1-800-521-CARE. Money will go toward food, water and sanitation, shelter and emergency health response.

Operation USA
The international relief agency provides funding for reconstruction and development aid to communities that have experienced disasters, disease and poverty. For its Haiti relief efforts, the agency plans to use donations for health care materials, water purification supplies and food supplements. To donate, go to opusa.org or call 1-800-678-7255, or mail a check to Operation USA, 3617 Hayden Ave., Suite A, Culver City, CA 90232.

• There is a Pittsburgh connection that I hope, by now, you are aware. Jamie and Ali McMutrie are a couple of special young ladies from Ben Avon who are running an orphanage in Port-au-Prince. Because I cannot possibly do the situation adequate justice, please let Ginny fill you in at thatschurch. WARNING: prepare to be affected.

Deal. Devil. Demented. Douchebag

Frankly, I don't even know what to say about this. It's that far out there.

A deal with the Devil? Really? The country's cursed? What?

And, just what's going through Christie's head while this whackjob is rambling?

Mind boggling.

Damn This Global Warming!!!

(Click on image for full size)

I've Said It Before and I'll Say It Again...

Reality TV will be the end of Western Civilization.

You Just Can't Make This Up- Part Deux

With the New Year comes the traditional jump into the icy Mon led by the Pittsburgh Polar Bear Club. I can't say that's my cup of tea, but they appear to be having good harmless fun, so God Bless 'em.

That being said, if they could pull this goof out of the shallow end of the gene pool long enough to re-enact this act of sheer buffoonery in Pittsburgh next year, not only would I sell tickets (all proceeds to charity) but I would probably jump in the river myself. Just a thought. Lemmee know.

Oh yeah, bonus if he brings along his river-rescue posse. Especially the annoying chick working the camera.

You Just Can't Make This Up...(can you?)

• From ABC News: Two al Qaeda Leaders Behind Northwest Flight 253 Terror Plot Were Released By U.S.   

Two of the four leaders allegedly behind the al Qaeda plot to blow up a Northwest Airlines passenger jet over Detroit were released by the U.S. from the Guantanamo prison in November, 2007, according to American officials and Department of Defense documents. Al Qaeda claimed responsibility for the Northwest bombing in a Monday statement that vowed more attacks on Americans.

That they would be involved in such a plot is truly surprising because, after the U.S. agreed to send Guantanamo prisoner #333, Muhamad Attik al-Harbi, and prisoner #372, Said Ali Shari to Saudi Arabia on Nov. 9, 2007, they were entered into an "art therapy rehabilitation program"!!???!

"The so-called rehabilitation programs are a joke," a U.S. diplomat said in describing the Saudi efforts with released Guantanamo detainees.

Saudi officials concede its program has had its "failures" but insist that, overall, the effort has helped return potential terrorists to a meaningful life. One program gives the former detainees paints and crayons as part of the rehabilitation regimen.

Waterboarding vs. Watercolors. That's the choice? Really?
• From the Orange County News blog: (actual title NSFW)

"Oral sex gives me good luck when I gamble at the casino."

--Actual excuse Little Saigon's 5-foot-2 and 110-pound Hung Van Phan gave to police in hopes of rationalizing why as a 28-year-old he demanded and received blow jobs and intercourse from two underage Orange County girls, one 14 and the other 15.

           Obviously 14 and 15 year-old participation is not a good idea, but shouldn't  the folks over at Rivers  try to figure out a way to work this into the revenue stream? Just askin'.

• Even occasional visitors to this space can figure out that I wasn't among the celebrants last January 20th. While the POTUS and I don't agree on any issue thus far, I am of the opinion intelligent opposition is the better path to take as opposed to the path preferred by the more "enlightened" among us. Case in point......

           Maybe I'm misguided, but I don't understand how fabric enters into any intelligent political discussion.  
           It's nice to see that I'm not alone in my confusion.

Unfortunately you really can't make this up.

Merry Christmas and a Safe and Joyous New Year to All.

A Sign of the Times?

To all my friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great.

Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.

Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

Kung Pao Smurf (2009)

This Just In

• Pens lose to the Devils 4-0. That Brodeur kid's gonna be good.
• The Boy Mayor Wins!!! Let me say this about that: First, anyone who thought the students were ever going to have to pony up a dime, clearly shouldn't have the pointy scissors without supervision. That tax never would have survived a court challenge and methinks meknows Master Luke knew that all along. That never was the intent. The aim was, obviously, to get the "non-profits" to come up with the cash but, more obviously they weren't gonna pay voluntarily. So Junior comes up with a plan where the only possible outcome is win-win for everybody involved (and when I say Junior, I, most obviously, mean the guys behind the curtain turning the cranks and pulling the levers). The schools look like they can play well with others and Lukey gets to look like he's the one with the balls to make the hard decisions and the tough choices to save the city. That being said,  the only reason they went after tuitions in the first place was because they knew it was the politically safest route. What were those kids gonna do, anyway? It's not like the first thing out-of-towner students do is register to vote when they come to town. What are they gonna do, vote against Steellerstahl next time? In a related story.....
  
• Bob Smizik writes that, according to a bunch calling themselves Advanced NFLStats, the onside kick in the fourth quarter against the Packers was statistically the smart move. Are we to believe that while it appears that da Stillers are working on their Buccos-stinking-up-the-joint impression, they are, instead playing based on sound mathematical reasoning? Really?
• You may remember the story about the 10 year-old Arkansas girl who was tasered, in her home, by an officer that was summoned because Mama Bear couldn't get Baby Bear to go to bed. In the interest of fairness, (and we are nothing if not fair) we bring you this from above the Mason-Dixon: Boston mom calls 911 over son's video game habit 

(Police spokesman) Zanoli says the mother's 911 call over video game obsession "was a little unusual, but by no means is it surprising - especially in today's day and age when these kids play video games and computer games."

Amazing. Truly Amazing.

Shoveling the Stuff

• So, like everybody else, I'm dealing with 5" of global warming all day. The whole time, all the voices in my head were askin' the same question- and now I'm asking you- "Is there anything, anything, that government does.. any "service" that government provides, that can't be provided more effectively, more efficiently, more economically by the private sector?" Is there? Please tell me.
• Finally, the end of the Christmas season is rapidly approaching. I've been waiting for this since it all began- way back around Memorial Day. Maybe I'm just getting old and way too cynical, or maybe working in the retail arena for the last 30 years has jaded me but the season just doesn't feel like it used to.
  
• One of my biggest complaints about the season has been the fact that the soundtrack hasn't changed in 50 years or so. Honestly, the music starts at midnight on Thanksgiving and runs on a continuous loop till New Years. How much Bing, Elvis, and McCartney should someone be expected to endure? Perhaps if Muzak had more some of this it would be slightly more bearable:
  

• I came to the realization, this week, that eventually it will be time to put down this little corner of cyberspace like you would an old, feeble nag. Yes, there are some that will say that time has passed and this is all just kicking said dead horse. However, when that day comes, it will be due in no small part to the fact that I will have accepted that I can't measure up to the work being done at The Radical Middle.
  Of a better observer and scribe in this city I'm not aware.

Happy Monday

All Gave Some, Some Gave All

Officer Michael Crawshaw

Penn Hills Police Department

Oakland 27. Pittsburgh 24. Hell.Unleashed.

So, Whatcha Doin January 23rd?

You may remember little Ethan Loney. Ethan is the little birthday cake-eating two-year old pictured at left. Ethan is also one of the little birthday cake-eating two year olds that have been asked to endure hardships that birthday cake-eating two-year old little boys should know nothing about, much less live with. From Facebook:

Ethan Loney is an amazing 2 year old boy that that loves to play outside in his and my front yard. Yesterday he was diagonesed with cancer that is attached to his kidney. He is goin to have surgery on thursday to remove it. Althought he is not family i have known Kenny and Kelly since i was a little boy and both them Ethan and Sarah sure seem like family. So lets keep them all in our prayer and hope that he pulls throught this just fine. Ethan has Neuroblastoma and it is in stage 4 and is in his bone marrow. Neuroblastoma is a form of cancer that starts in certain types of very primitive developing nerve cells found in an embryo or fetus. (The term neuro indicates "nerves", while blastoma refers to a cancer that affects immature or developing cells). This type of cancer occurs in infants and young children. It is rarely found in children older than 10 years. Lets all hope that he can be strong and fight off this cancer.

Unfortunately, you may know little Ethan because he recently made the news. More unfortunately, it wasn't because he's a birthday cake-eating two-year old. It was because life decided to teach him a little about the lowlifes of the world. Read about it here.

Fortunately, life has seen fit to surround Ethan with a loving family and a group of supporters dedicated to seeing that Ethan wins the battle that no two-year old should have to fight.

Among those supporters is a local band named Trainwreck. The guys in Trainwreck have organized a benefit concert for young Ethan on January 23rd at the Eagles Club in Carnegie, PA:

This is a benefit concert for young Ethan Loney, who has Neuroblastoma a form of cancer that attacks very young children, Ethan is 2 years old and is going through chemo treatments to try to kill the cancer and rid him of this disease, cost for this event will be $20.00 , there will be food and drink for sale and we will have 50/50 drawings door prizes and other fun events, Along with Trainwreck , Alicia Romano , Jess Sides, and Tori Plack and our friends Cole will be performing, ,

There may very well be something better to drop twenty bucks on, but I really doubt it.

In case you can't make the show but you're interested in helping Ethan's cause, donations are being accepted at:

Ethan Loney Trust Fund

Dollar Bank

PO Box 765

Pittsburgh, PA 15230-0765

Please come out, have a good time and help this birthday cake-eating two year-old little boy.

Oh, Ken Lee, Where Are You?????

VIP Services? Is That What The Kids Call It These Days?

VIP Services Manager

Director of VIP Services

Happy Turkey Day!!!

Aw, Come On!!! OVERTIME????

Well, that was fun wasn't it?    Kansas City 27- Pittsburgh 24

• Now that the fat lady is done for this week, is that Jim Mora I hear warming up?
• Well, are they 10 points better than anyone?
• Troy's out for a month. I've said it before... troubling, just troubling.
• While I understand that the coaches don't execute on the field, I agree that there comes a time when they need to be called to account for what happens on the field. Really, a runback on the opening kick?
• With Troy out and Big Ben nicked up, methinks it'll be a while before the coach feels like House again.
• Seriously, nice recap at Mondesi's House.
• Quick recap here.

Baltimore next Sunday night. Can't wait...

Wha...Wha...What??!!!

• I will never be confused with a Bible scholar or an authority on the urinary customs of the Teutonics, but is this really what's wrong with the world today? You can't piss while standing in Germany and they talk about vertical urination too much in the Bible? Really?
• Forget about the world. Is this a sign of what's wrong in America? Interesting comments. Some are half-informed but all are interesting nonetheless.
• Or perhaps this little news nugget from Arkansas, via thesmokinggun.com:

An Arkansas cop tasered an unruly 10-year-old girl after her mother called police to report that the child was crying, screaming, and refusing to go to bed.... and...."Her mother told me to tase her if I needed to." After Kiara continued to refuse her mother's instructions, the cop concluded that "there was not going to be a peaceful resolution of the issue." Bradshaw warned the girl that she was "going to jail," and, of course... the child continued kicking and crying and resisted his attempt to handcuff her. During the tussle, Kiara "struck me with her legs and feet in the groin, reported Bradshaw, who countered with a brief "stun to her back" with his Taser. The child, not surprisingly, "immediately stopped resisting and was placed into handcuffs.
10-year-old won't go to bed and the first thing you do is call the cops.
Young 'un rearin'- Razorback style, y'all!!!

UPDATE:  Ark. cop suspended after using Taser on girl, 10.
God, I wish I could make this up....

A police officer who used a stun gun on an unruly 10-year-old girl after he said her mother gave him permission has been suspended — not for using the Taser but for not having a video camera attached when he used it.

Mayor Vernon McDaniel said officer Dustin Bradshaw was suspended Wednesday for seven days with pay. McDaniel said the suspension is for not following department procedures because he didn't have the camera on.

McDaniel wants Arkansas State Police or the FBI to look into whether the use of the Taser was proper. The girl, who hasn't been identified, wasn't injured and is now at the Western Arkansas Youth Shelter in Cecil.

              DIDN'T HAVE THE EFFIN' CAMERA ATTACHED????

             REEEEEAAAAALLLLLY???

• And from Iowa...Mail carrier found drunk inside Marion home

Police arrested a mail carrier after she was found drunk inside a residence while on the job in Marion earlier this month, authorities said Tuesday.

Kristine A. Pflughaupt, 46, of Marion, was charged with public intoxication Nov. 3 after she was found sitting on the kitchen floor of a house at 260 Sixth Avenue, eating leftover noodles from Marie O’Kelly’s refrigerator.

O’Kelly, 95, said she was watching TV in another room when she heard a noise. She thought her daughter had arrived, but became suspicious when no one came to greet her.

When she went to check, O’Kelly said she found Pflughaupt sitting on her kitchen floor. She was using her hands to eat leftover noodles, and they were running down Pflughaupt’s shirt. O’Kelly didn’t recognize her as the mail carrier.

Preliminary breath tests showed her blood alcohol content to be .281, police said.

• 2012, huh?

And Now, A Long Distance Dedication...

Weekend Recap: Dumbass Edition

• WTF is Skippy looking at? Hopefully, the coaching staff for the team he's playing for next season
  will teach the dumbass how to fall down and get tangled up in the returners' legs.
• Plenty of bad play all around, to be sure, but obviously the telephone booth was a little smaller than the inconsequential dumbass receiver thought.
• Everybody was "what a supreme effin' dumbass" when I turned in this week's picks: St. Louis +13.5, Kansas City +1.5 and Cleveland +11. Win, win and 0-0 at the half. Who's the dumbass now?
• Baltimore 16-0 start of the 4th quarter. Guess I am a dumbass.
• With .6 seconds left in the third period, the dumbass that was holding my remote switched from the Pens to what should have been, a foregone conclusion, the last nail in Charlie Weiss's coffin. Pitt holds on for the win and Bill Guerin and Pascal Dupuis shoot me the finger. Sheer dumbassery.
•  But, the hands down, pound-for-pound Dumbass of the Week has to be George from Carbondale, PA. Without the help of Google Maps, I have no idea where Carbondale is. However, if George is any indication, it must be in the middle of a huuuuuge salvia patch.
  
  
  

This just in.....


Baltimore 16- Cleveland 0. Absolute last time I take the mistakes from the lake.

Thank You

Great Moments In Women's Soccer That Don't Involve Brandi Chastain

Knockin' Off The Rust Edition

Just a few thoughts...

• I've been struggling of late trying to get a particular rant worded and out of my head. I guess that explains the Chris Rock/Elton John/White Zombie-does-KC & the Sunshine Band trifecta for the last 3 posts. Once I get that cathartic piece out, it's back to the rank mediocrity we here at IKNAB are famous for.
• Speaking of "we here at IKNAB", according to those 2 gadgets over on the right side of this page, we have had visitors from 33 states and 30 countries. Question: What kind of wrong turn is everybody taking to get here? Modesty and my faith in mankind prevents me from thinking the national/international community is wandering by on purpose.
• The Boy Mayor wins!! WooHoo! Thoughts on that surprise coming.
• In the office pool, .500 going into this week. Here's this week's lines. Got suggestions? Comment/email.

Washington Atlanta -10	San Diego New York (N) -4.5	Tennessee San Francisco -4	Dallas Philadelphia -3
Detroit Seattle -10	Arizona Chicago -3	Baltimore Cincinnati +3	Houston Indianapolis -9
Kansas City Jacksonville -6.5	Miami New England -10.5	Green Bay Tampa Bay +10	Carolina New Orleans -4
Pittsburgh Denver +3